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Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 12:00:02 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		With some corny jokes


A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walk into a bar.

The Bartender says "is this a joke?"

BADUM PISHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 12:27:26 PM   
kookycreature


Posts: 67
Joined: 4/18/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		What's got hazelnut in every bite?


Squirrel shit.

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"Though I am slave," she said, " yet for the first time in my life I am free" - Nomads of Gor, pg 303

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 1:33:41 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		Ooh, I can never resist a request for a corny joke!

A man walks into a bar and asks "Do you have any helicopter-flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head. "No, we only have plain."


(in reply to kookycreature)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 4:02:02 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		A blonde walks into a bar....

You'd think she'd have seen it ;)

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"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 5:27:29 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Time flies, like an arrow~
...fruit flies like a banana.


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530 DAYS

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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 5:36:11 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		How do you get a one armed man hanging from a tree limb out of the tree?

Wave.

< Message edited by RemoteUser -- 4/22/2013 5:37:09 PM >

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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 6:09:47 PM   
MasterG2kTR


Posts: 6677
Joined: 8/7/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		what's invisible and smells like carrots?


rabbit farts



(in reply to RemoteUser)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 6:11:11 PM   
MasterG2kTR


Posts: 6677
Joined: 8/7/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline 		what do elephants use for tampons?

sheep



(in reply to MasterG2kTR)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 8:37:35 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

...about halfway...
ba-dum-tisshhh

(in reply to MasterG2kTR)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/22/2013 9:32:45 PM   
msj2u


Posts: 37
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		What kind of bees produce milk?

Boobies







I'm the One your mother didn't warn you about

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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 5:03:30 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants charging over the hill?

He said "Here come the elephants charging over the hill"



What did he say when they came charging over the hill wearing sunglasses?


Scroll




Down



For


The


Answer



You're


Almost


There



He didn't say anything. He didn't recognize them.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 4/23/2013 5:04:03 AM >

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to msj2u)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 6:13:41 AM   
leonine


Posts: 409
Joined: 11/3/2009
From: [email protected]
Status: offline 		How many hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to find the lightbulb by accident, one to go to change it, and one to change it for him when he decides not to at the last minute.

_____________________________

Leo9


Gonna pack in my hand, pick up on a piece of land and build myself a cabin in the woods.
It's there I'm gonna stay, until there comes a day when this old world starts a-changing for the good.
- James Taylor

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 8:49:20 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		there are three mice trapped in a bottle, two females and one male. in the end they all get out.......

female one starts crying and says 'how will i get out? i've got mouselets to see to. if i don't get home they'll die!'

the male mouse takes a big sigh and says 'i can help you get out.'

female1 'how?'

male winks at her and whispers in her ear 'give me a bit of you-know-what and i'll tell you'

female1 thinks about this a moment and says 'ok'. she gives him a bit of you-know-what and he helps her get out.

seeing female1 run away home makes female2 start bawling too. 'what about me? i have mouselets starving at home too'

male 'don't worry, i can get you out'

female2 'how?'

male with wicked grin whispers in her ear 'give me a bit of you-know-what and i'll tell you'

female2 agrees, gives him a bit of you-know-what and he helps her out.

now male is left there all on his own...........so how does he get out?
..
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whispers in your ear....give me a bit of you-know-what and i'll tell you

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I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 8:58:14 AM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		A blonde and a brunette are talking. The brunette says, "I had such a wild night last night. I spent it with a Brazilian."
The blonde says, "Oh my god, you fucking slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

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Bill

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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 9:03:29 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		what's got one wheel and flies?




A wheelbarrow full of dog shitl

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There's nowt so queer as folk


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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 9:03:29 AM   
kookycreature


Posts: 67
Joined: 4/18/2013
From: UK
Status: offline
I apologise ahead of this joke for ruining anyone's childhood programmes.

Bill & Ben the flowerpot men were in the garden.
Ben went "Flubba lubba lub a lub."
So Bill goes "If you loved me you'd swallow that."


_____________________________

"Though I am slave," she said, " yet for the first time in my life I am free" - Nomads of Gor, pg 303

(in reply to FelineRanger)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 1:29:53 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

...about halfway...
ba-dum-tisshhh


And here I thought you were going to say Titlantic.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 4/23/2013 1:57:50 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kookycreature

I apologise ahead of this joke for ruining anyone's childhood programmes.

Bill & Ben the flowerpot men were in the garden.
Ben went "Flubba lubba lub a lub."
So Bill goes "If you loved me you'd swallow that."


Lmfao

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to kookycreature)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 5/11/2013 10:30:39 PM   
garyFLR


Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline 		What's the similarity between a mole & an eagle? They both live underground........apart from the eagle. I think it's funny, nobody else does, have a great Monday tomorrow, don't work too hard! Gary.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
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RE: Brighten up monday............. - 5/12/2013 5:24:59 PM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I love corny jokes......


What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

It's gonna take a while to get me hard i just got laid by a really hot chick!

< Message edited by playfulotter -- 5/12/2013 5:25:40 PM >

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We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ― Benjamin Franklin

"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

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