RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom.

RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (4/28/2013 10:09:36 AM)
My suggestion is not to rush to put that profile on hide. Don't get so involved with one person here that you end up thinking you have found the one. If it were me, I would be talking to numerous men, especially if I was new to a site. I wouldn't be putting all my eggs in one basket.

Metalopn -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (4/28/2013 3:23:54 PM)
Just ignore (and block) the idiots that take that approach. It has always been my understanding and practice that everyone should be spoken to as a peer unless their are wearing your collar, or vice-versa. No one has the right to talk down to you until you have granted them the gift of your submission. I have had several subs talk up to me in chat as though I was their Dom, and although it was flattering, I asked them not to.

FrostedFlake -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (4/29/2013 12:14:05 AM)
It is a mirror. held up so you can see. The one that wants a doormat will act like you are a doormat. If you take it, it's because you are a doormat. Everyone wins. Same goes, no matter how idiotic the dipshit acts. He is doing that because that is what he wants to do. If it ain't you, don't try to change him. Try to replace him. Everyone wins. Rolling eyes is perfectly fine.

DesFIP -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (4/30/2013 7:12:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder My suggestion is not to rush to put that profile on hide. Don't get so involved with one person here that you end up thinking you have found the one. If it were me, I would be talking to numerous men, especially if I was new to a site. I wouldn't be putting all my eggs in one basket. I don't view putting a profile on hold for two weeks while you focus on one person as putting all your eggs in one basket. If the op works better talking deeply to one at a time, in order to find out more quickly if they are or aren't compatible, there's nothing wrong with that. If she talks to this one for two hours a day then that's probably equal to two months half hour twice a week chat while talking to ten others. She'll get to the same place, but in less time. And if it doesn't work out, she'll unhide her profile and still have lots of emails she didn't answer a couple of weeks before.

littlewonder -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (5/1/2013 4:51:40 PM)
My experience is when people put others on hold, especially after not being here for very long, they get sooooo entangled in that one person that the fantasy starts to build up in their head and then they come back here two weeks later complaining about he/she is a fake/asshole, etc....when in reality, their head was so far up their genitals that they could only see what they wanted to see in that person. But usually if they are talking to numerous people at once, it gives them a chance to get more views, to live in reality, to get a better idea of what they really are searching for.

Determinist -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (5/1/2013 7:06:54 PM)
Let me clarify. I don't put my eggs all in one basket. But if I hit it off with someone and the mutual 'checklists' match up and we plan to meet soon and see if there's chemistry IRL, then I'm going to pay attention to just that one person because I don't have the time or energy to juggle really getting to know 3 or 4 people (Phone conversations, lengthy letters/messages) at the same time. It's not that I'm 'in luuuurv' or have my head in the clouds after talking for a week, it's just how I like to approach dating - vanilla or not. DesFIP is pretty close to the mark. Hiding the profile just means I won't be coming across as rude when I don't respond to messages.

hrxxx -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/18/2013 3:08:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Determinist I need to know if I'm off base here. When doms message me, I don't respond well to the ones who act as though I'm already their sub. I'm never rude, of course, but there are ones who call me "pet" or "slut" or just start generally trying to dominate me right from the start ("You don't get to ask that, you're not in control here"). The way I see it, that person is not my dom . . . not yet anyways. It seems to me that a position of deference and respect needs to be earned through trust. So . . . until we really hit it off, there's going to be no kowtowing, just politeness (as I would give anyone). Or is the etiquette here a bit different? How do you talk (i.e. in what manner) to doms you're just getting to know? Advice very much welcome, thank you. Best advice is called Delete message. I have the same problem with slaves who call me Master, in the first message, and already consider me as their owner, there is a good chance that they are liveing in a fantasy world and that they will never be more than that. Regarding Dominant calling you slut, whore, slave, bitch etc. it is male porn sufer who have seen too much porn on the internet, and have got an idea of how quickly one can get rid of a submissive. And if Dominant refuses to answer your questions, you can rest assured that there is something very wrong And if Dominant can not talk properly to you as another human being, then there is something very wrong. As long as you do not wear a collar around your neck, do not submit to anyone, and you are completely free to do whatever you want, it's up to you who you want to submit to, and not the other way around. My advice to you is starting to find the Dominant profiles as you like, and start sending messages out and present yourself in a normal and polite way, I'm sure you probably should get good results with that

ARIES83 -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/19/2013 4:01:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Determinist It seems to me that a position of deference and respect needs to be earned through trust. So . . . until we really hit it off, there's going to be no kowtowing, just politeness (as I would give anyone). If you want to impress me, politeness is probably the best thing you could do, excessive deference via the internet would give me the impression that you have some fantasy/50 shades of grey type of idea in your head... Whats deference worth from a person who gives it to anyone for no reason... Politeness will make you someone who I wouldn't mind talking to, that doesn't mean you can't have fun and be playful or teasing or whatever way you show you are fond of someone but the second thing that will impress me is being straightforward. A reasonable person will understand that certain questions and topics are not appropriate to bring up with someone you haven't met or just met... But within the topics that are appropriate, I don't like to be kept waiting or being played with, the faster the answer the more likely I will continue to want to talk to you. The rest is chemistry... PS those are just a couple of my preferences, everyones different... But I don't think you could go too wrong with what I wrote.

JeffBC -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/19/2013 4:25:49 PM)
~fast reply~ Man, this whole thread makes me glad I'm not a dom. As far as I'm concerned EVERYONE talks to me the same way... with some modicum of courtesy and respect. There are no special rules for Carol or anyone else. There are simply my standards. People meet them or they do not. Those that do not get excised from my social circles, fired from my teams, or whatever else is appropriate to get them gone. OP: If you were talking to me for whatever reasons I'd hope you talked to me as if I was some sort of sane, rational adult and you were too.

DesFIP -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/19/2013 4:26:03 PM)
Except that most of the guys who write females on here don't come across as reasonable. Nor do they speak with courtesy. So why do I owe someone politeness when he doesn't believe I deserve it? And not because of anything I've said, solely because it says sub female.

Senster -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/19/2013 4:40:01 PM)
I approach people with general courtesy – unless and until someone gives me a reason to do otherwise. I don't share the "respect has to be earned" view: I think everyone should be treated with a general respect between people, even without having to "earn" it first. However, if someone approaches me or responds to a courteous message from me with abuse, being presumptuous, or clearly lying, then they can easily squander some or all of that respect with which I might be approaching them. All in all: If someone talks down to you or presumes that just because you are of a certain inclination they have some kind of 'rights' over you, then in my view they'd have squandered any basic respect due to them, and you owe them nothing. I'd suggest that lowering yourself to their level is still better avoided, but any 'demands' that you should respond courteously to abuse are simply ludicrous to me and suggest that you'd be held to different standards than they. I might still choose in such a situation to remain courteous simply because that's how I prefer to present myself (and perhaps more clearly show the contrast between their and my communication style and behaviour).

DarkSteven -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/19/2013 5:15:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Senster I don't share the "respect has to be earned" view: I think everyone should be treated with a general respect between people, even without having to "earn" it first. Hmmm. How about if I said that courtesy should not need to be earned, but respect does?

ARIES83 -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/19/2013 6:14:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Except that most of the guys who write females on here don't come across as reasonable. Nor do they speak with courtesy. So why do I owe someone politeness when he doesn't believe I deserve it? And not because of anything I've said, solely because it says sub female. Apples and Oranges Des, I was recommending some basic tips that would probably start a sub off on the right foot with me by making a good impression. And you're saying, why should you want to make a good impression to someone who is acting like a tool... That's a reasonable question with nothing to do with what I was saying. I'd probably advise you block or ignore them... If there was however... someone you thought you might like, then I refer you back to my original post... Paying special attention to the last few lines...

Senster -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/20/2013 6:54:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: Senster I don't share the "respect has to be earned" view: I think everyone should be treated with a general respect between people, even without having to "earn" it first. Hmmm. How about if I said that courtesy should not need to be earned, but respect does? I would still disagree - but then I include in the term 'respect' here the general respect for another person in general, their life and well-being, property, etc. I definitely do not feel that one should have to 'earn' such basic respect.

tammystarm -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/20/2013 7:05:19 AM)
Those "Doms" do not even deserve a reply maybe a block if they continue. Sorry but I am a human first, a real life person. I do deserve respect . You should feel that way too! I'm never rude,unless you consider not giving them a reply. But I will say get used to it. Even though my profile states clearly that i am " taken, off the market, no longer searching...etc etc " I still get these all the time and they disgust me. Best of luck!!

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/20/2013 7:34:12 AM)
Explain to them that D/s is a RELATIONSHIP and since the two of you aren't in a RELATIONSHIP yet, there can't be any D/s. Also, if you are submissive to "GENERALLY EVERYONE" why would they WANT you? Gaining your Trust and submission should be something SPECIAL. I'm actually turned off by subs who grovel to "anyone who comes along", throwing it away cheaply. It doesn't make Me feel like I'm very Important to them when they instantly submit to Me (and if it's that easy for them to do so, they've probably had MANY Dominants in the past and therefore habitually "Domme-hop") so I move on. quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 I speak to them as if they are strangers that i'm interested in learning more about. Instant domination? - not so much. For me, the D/s is a relationship first and foremost, and as such, i'm more interested in the individual and how they relate to me, not "kneel bitch". Enough time for that later. ............ and i expect to meet the individual sooner than later, as in weeks rather than months. That way, if we aren't compatible in person, we can move on.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: How to talk to Doms that aren't yet 'my' Dom. (7/21/2013 5:20:47 PM)
quote: The way I see it, that person is not my dom . . . not yet anyways. The way I see it, those who want to "dominate" you by email without even having met you are Horny Net Geeks (HNG). The best way to talk with them is to not talk with them. Block the senders, delete the emails, join your local, real time community and deal with real people, not cybermasturbators.

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