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RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 3:23:25 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Expect recriminations.... Not being alarmist, but depending on how he was brought up to believe who and what you were, according to his mom, grandparents, aunts and uncles... etc, he may show signs of anger, disappointment, down the road.
Yeah this is from personal experience, as I have four adult(40-46yearsold) step children, three of which have part of our lives at various times during the past twenty years, and it hasnt all been good at all.


Yeah...good advice....kinda was thinking there might be a few "where the fuck were you?" times during this process.

(I didn't know he existed).

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 3:30:51 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


be a Dad and all that stuff...

Advice?



Don't. His Dad was the guy who came home every night. Get to know him, and don't assume a biological connection means you already have some deep personal relationship. Certainly don't assume you have a mandate of moral authority regarding his choices.


Disagree entirely. The biological connection is literally one of a kind, and it's why he's come around. If he just wanted a roommate or pal, he wouldn't be coming to you Lookie. Your relationship with him/his with you will be like none other for either of you. Don't pretend the biological connection means nothing because of his age. Fuck that; it means everything.
Voice of direct experience.

edited to add: I do agree with previous advice to be yourself, Lookie. You are extremely likeable, interesting, bright. He will enjoy you and maybe see himself in you. Vice versa.

quote:

out by letting him come live with you at 35? I suppose you should treat him like any other roomie situation, give each other your personal private spaces, and be considerate when in the same room.


I think the most fascinating thing (so far) about him is, 3+ years ago when we first met (it's taken him a while to ask if he could come live with me for 6 months or so...he's kind of a shy kid), I'd requested the DNA kit because knowing all the particulars, I was certain he was mine.

He wrote me an email, the first of hundreds...I have every one still...had I never got the DNA proof and simply read his emails, I would have known he was mine.

It was eery....I felt like I was reading my own words...as if I'd typed them myself.

He used phrases I've always used (we'd never met), put a comma exactly where I'd put it, emphasized words exactly as, where and how I do/did....it was like I was talking to myself. He felt similarly and his follow on emails opened up all the more.

Plus in all of his family ("Dad"/aunts/uncles/etc.), no one had any financial success, none of them were motivated....he was always starting businesses from like 7 on (yoooost like moi), he's so much like me it's amazing. I understand it because I'm like my Dad in the same way...business was like eating for me, first bite and you're hooked.

Same with him...and now I believe he wants to get a bit better education on that front and find out some of the tricks that he never had any mentoring on.

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 4/26/2013 3:31:11 PM >

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 3:32:10 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
I met my son 3+ years ago....he's now 35....he's gonna come live with me....

I have to actually grow up...be a Dad and all that stuff...

Advice?

Any and all is appreciated.

not knowing the specifics or how your previous meeting(s) went.. why dont you just be honest & open with him and ask him what he wants? how he sees things going? what does he want/expect? imo, take your lead from him..


Excellent advice ! :)

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 3:33:13 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

You have mail regarding this.


Never came through.

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 4:00:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't know if I've got advice for you, Lookie. I do want to say that I've got the best hopes in the world for you that the roommate (that sounds less than what it should for some reason) situation goes well. There's always the common sense stuff for a harmonious living environment. Ask for the common courtesy things that you would of anybody who was a long term guest in your home.

I've had this thing on My frig for a lot of years. It might come in handy.......



Home Rules

If you sleep on it... make it up

If you wear it... hang it up

If you drop it... pick it up

If you eat from it... wash it

If you step on it... wipe it off

If you open it... close it

If you empty it... fill it up

If it rings... answer it

If it howls... feed it

If it cries... love it




And in your case, definitely warn him about the psycho cat.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 5:22:48 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Be yourself.

Why do you feel the need to change?


Well, I've been wearing the same underwear since November.


Change can be good

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 8:17:17 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Be yourself.

Why do you feel the need to change?


Well, I've been wearing the same underwear since November.


Change can be good

Well, now, let's not be hasty.


_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 8:25:19 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Ah yes, rather puts the nature or nurture question back into serious play, doesn't it?

I'm firmly in the 'don't have great expectations' and 'let things flow' camp.

Best to you.

_____________________________



(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 8:28:37 PM   
ThatsMaamToYouTo


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/21/2012
Status: offline 		And despite the fact he was raised by Democrats, cut the kid some slack. :)

_____________________________

“I’m sick of chasing my dreams, man. I’m just gonna ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.” —Mitch Hedberg

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 8:31:04 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

Hire strippers, buy about 3 grand worth of booze and beer and party for the first month he is there.


I think this party requires cocaine. Don't all good parties have glass tables so people can do lines?

I think it's cool that you're getting a chance to know your kid, Lookie. A grown boy is a hell of a lot better company than that killer kitty you've got!

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 8:41:41 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		I say divide the entire apartment with a solid white line and tell him not to cross your side. that will surely make him love you.


No, but really, this will probably be a learning experience for both of you .
Treated with dignity, every person does better than without .
Tequila solves lots.
I've got dibbs on the washing machine though.
I'm not budging either.



< Message edited by Toysinbabeland -- 4/26/2013 8:42:37 PM >

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 9:12:38 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I don't know if I've got advice for you, Lookie. I do want to say that I've got the best hopes in the world for you that the roommate (that sounds less than what it should for some reason) situation goes well. There's always the common sense stuff for a harmonious living environment. Ask for the common courtesy things that you would of anybody who was a long term guest in your home.

I've had this thing on My frig for a lot of years. It might come in handy.......



Home Rules

If you sleep on it... make it up

If you wear it... hang it up

If you drop it... pick it up

If you eat from it... wash it

If you step on it... wipe it off

If you open it... close it

If you empty it... fill it up

If it rings... answer it

If it howls... feed it

If it cries... love it




And in your case, definitely warn him about the psycho cat.



Just printed that out.

That is remarkable :)

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/26/2013 9:13:50 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatsMaamToYouTo

And despite the fact he was raised by Democrats, cut the kid some slack. :)


That is a truly frightening thought!

(And he WAS!!!! I have so much work in front of me).

(in reply to ThatsMaamToYouTo)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/27/2013 2:03:11 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatsMaamToYouTo
And despite the fact he was raised by Democrats, cut the kid some slack. :)
Wait just a minute!!! ***Let me process this a minute, before replying.*** M


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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ThatsMaamToYouTo)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/27/2013 10:06:38 AM   
erieangel


Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatsMaamToYouTo

And despite the fact he was raised by Democrats, cut the kid some slack. :)


Nothing wrong with that.

You never know. They might be very close in thought, the Republicans have gone very far to the right in recent years.

(in reply to ThatsMaamToYouTo)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/27/2013 10:25:11 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'd add...be someone worthy of his respect and this is something to strive for with children of any age; be a man of your word. For me the hardest thing about parenthood is walking the walk, instead of talking the talk. Let you son see your actions as representing you, and that you aren't just full of good intentions that you don't do. Anytime you're tempted to make an excuse- do the harder thing and carry through, or give an honest explanation from your heart; it might mean admitting the truth instead of hiding behind the excuse. He'll admire you for that, even if he's upset at the answer and he'll learn that you're honest.

I'd sum this all up by saying that you have someone looking at what you represent now, be worthy of that scrutiny and be aware that he's getting the measure of you. My kids have made me into a much better person that I'd have been without them

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/27/2013 11:16:37 AM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		FR

I've never "parented" anything but obese cats, so I don't have any advice for you. I'll simply offer my warmest wishes for this new adventure.

< Message edited by dcnovice -- 4/27/2013 11:17:03 AM >

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/27/2013 2:17:56 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Be yourself.

Why do you feel the need to change?


Well, I've been wearing the same underwear since November.


Change can be good

Well, now, let's not be hasty.



Excellent point....they don't slide around quite as much as when they were freshly laundered.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/27/2013 2:19:21 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I'd add...be someone worthy of his respect and this is something to strive for with children of any age; be a man of your word. For me the hardest thing about parenthood is walking the walk, instead of talking the talk. Let you son see your actions as representing you, and that you aren't just full of good intentions that you don't do. Anytime you're tempted to make an excuse- do the harder thing and carry through, or give an honest explanation from your heart; it might mean admitting the truth instead of hiding behind the excuse. He'll admire you for that, even if he's upset at the answer and he'll learn that you're honest.

I'd sum this all up by saying that you have someone looking at what you represent now, be worthy of that scrutiny and be aware that he's getting the measure of you. My kids have made me into a much better person that I'd have been without them


Okay....so the whole direct out and out lying isn't going to be effective.

All right....point taken.

(Fuck....I was really hoping that was a viable option).

See why I need you guys?

You're my Pops Board of Directors!

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 4/27/2013 2:21:09 PM >

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I've typed this thing 3 times... - 4/28/2013 9:22:50 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline 		your kid sounds amazing, Lookie.. I envy you.. (& you never even had to change any diapers! ) I hope things go great for you both..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 40
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