Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care

Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (Full Version)

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TheHeretic -> Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/26/2013 8:48:07 PM)
So the stupid bitch just isn't up to the job, and to cover her insecurity and possible feelings of negative self worth, she's lashing out. I get it. I tried. I got creative, and found ways around her instinctive defensiveness, as I taught her the things it was my job to teach to the new employee in the office. Well, tried to teach her, because she cannot retain directions more than one step at a time. When she dropped the ball, I'd catch it before it went too far. Maybe I enabled her behaviors, by not being willing to see her fail. She is, after all, likeable enough at first. She is self-destructing now. She's targeted everybody in my little remote office with her bile, even texting the student intern on Friday night, trying to enlist him on "her side." The top folks in our district office are getting dragged into her bullshit, right up to the executive vp getting on the phone with her over a stupid, panicked email, and I'm pretty sure she has emailed HR on how the rest of us have offended her 6 months on the job sensibilities. I don't care anymore. Maybe it comes from being the oldest child in a big family, maybe it is how I'm wired to begin with, but it is very hard for me to stand back silently, and watch someone fail. Here, I have now decided it is worth the effort. I started this thread last night, but deleted it at about halfway through the vent. It's easy to feel sorry for her, and my goal in posting was to get it off my chest, rather than defend my decision that she just ain't worth my fucking efforts anymore. Instead, I'll offer this question. When do you just give up on random shitty people who somehow entered your life? At what point does all the compassion, sympathy, empathy, and understanding wear out, and you just want them to go the fuck away again?

Level -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/26/2013 10:16:03 PM)
The point of not caring grows closer with every passing day. I don't get kinder, or gentler, I get more and more disgusted, or indifferent.

FunCouple5280 -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/26/2013 10:24:25 PM)
As soon as I know someone is like that I give up immediately. I think it is the best for them. One day they have to learn they cannot drag the world down with them and eventually step up to the plate. You can't help someone who doesn't appreciate and/or want the help. Let them fail until they ready to make use of the help given to them. It is more compassionate to wait until they are ready for help.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/26/2013 10:24:44 PM)
Well, I think the point may be different for different people and different things, although typically I think when we finally realize that a person has no intention of making the effort necessary for whatever it is. In this case, you tried, and tried...and tried some more, but she just doesn't want to catch on (I am making the assumption that it isn't because she can't). I think of it like trying to help an addict. You do everything you can to explain to them the hurt they cause other people and themselves, offer them all the support you can to help them help themselves, but eventually, you just take a step back and realize that they aren't wanting to do it (yet, if ever) and nothing you do will help, so you give up. I hope the venting has helped, and that she hasn't created too much of a shit storm for your little office.

Aswad -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/26/2013 10:49:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheHeretic When do you just give up on random shitty people who somehow entered your life? Either, (a) when I can't spare the effort, or (b) when I don't feel like trying anymore, or (c) when the effort would do more good elsewhere, or (d) when it's clear they're not worth the effort in the first place. As a rule, the second one is related to return on investment, so it's usually the first or third that end up being the case, with the fourth tending to cooccur with the second. In most cases, I taper off, down to whatever is a sustainable level, which will tend to be more than nothing unless the fourth is true. Sometimes, though, I do cut people out entirely, in general with some advance warning so they can have a last shot at giving me a reason to care. IWYW, — Aswad.

LadyPact -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/26/2013 11:19:55 PM)
When do you just give up on random shitty people who somehow entered your life? At what point does all the compassion, sympathy, empathy, and understanding wear out, and you just want them to go the fuck away again When it's time, Rich. When you have decided it's time. When "it is time" is different for everyone. It sounds cheesy, but you have to decide that for yourself.

needlesandpins -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 1:45:00 AM)
i don't always give up on a person, but i may just give up on a situation that that person causes. i just refuse to get involved on that level, but will still be ok with them on every other level. the point that i back right out is when the person just refuses to listen and change the cause of the problem. whether they are doing the act deliberately or simply because they can't grasp a concept determines how i react to them further. needles

blacksword404 -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 3:10:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheHeretic So the stupid bitch just isn't up to the job, and to cover her insecurity and possible feelings of negative self worth, she's lashing out. I get it. I tried. I got creative, and found ways around her instinctive defensiveness, as I taught her the things it was my job to teach to the new employee in the office. Well, tried to teach her, because she cannot retain directions more than one step at a time. When she dropped the ball, I'd catch it before it went too far. Maybe I enabled her behaviors, by not being willing to see her fail. She is, after all, likeable enough at first. She is self-destructing now. She's targeted everybody in my little remote office with her bile, even texting the student intern on Friday night, trying to enlist him on "her side." The top folks in our district office are getting dragged into her bullshit, right up to the executive vp getting on the phone with her over a stupid, panicked email, and I'm pretty sure she has emailed HR on how the rest of us have offended her 6 months on the job sensibilities. I don't care anymore. Maybe it comes from being the oldest child in a big family, maybe it is how I'm wired to begin with, but it is very hard for me to stand back silently, and watch someone fail. Here, I have now decided it is worth the effort. I started this thread last night, but deleted it at about halfway through the vent. It's easy to feel sorry for her, and my goal in posting was to get it off my chest, rather than defend my decision that she just ain't worth my fucking efforts anymore. Instead, I'll offer this question. When do you just give up on random shitty people who somehow entered your life? At what point does all the compassion, sympathy, empathy, and understanding wear out, and you just want them to go the fuck away again? When the cycle repeats itself. And will likely continue to. When I see a person is wasting my time and I'm wasting my efforts, that's that.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 3:22:29 AM)
Rich, my best friend always stops me in my tracks when she says: "Michael, before you run out the door to save the world, make sure it *wants* to be saved!" There's a whole lot of truth in that but, I think to answer your question as specifically as I can (because as someone else said; it's a different point for different people in different situations): when you start realizing that your time is more valuable than the person you're giving it to is treating it. You know, I moved into a new place about a month ago. I was having some issues with my TV. I couldn't get the picture right. I called DirecTV and spent 90 minutes on the phone with one of their help desk people and we determined that it was the damned zoom (for which there's no control on the side of the TV and no way to get to it from the OSD, using the buttons on the side of the TV). When I realized what was going on, not only did I apologize for wasting the young lady's time but I *thanked* her for her time because it is valuable to her. I like to think that that made me less of a pain in the ass, in her mind. I hope I helped and good luck with the situation. Peace and comfort, Michael

Duskypearls -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 5:51:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FunCouple5280 As soon as I know someone is like that I give up immediately. I think it is the best for them. One day they have to learn they cannot drag the world down with them and eventually step up to the plate. You can't help someone who doesn't appreciate and/or want the help. Let them fail until they ready to make use of the help given to them. It is more compassionate to wait until they are ready for help. I'll second that, Fun.

Kaliko -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 9:07:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheHeretic Instead, I'll offer this question. When do you just give up on random shitty people who somehow entered your life? At what point does all the compassion, sympathy, empathy, and understanding wear out, and you just want them to go the fuck away again? It takes a long time, if ever, before I will give up trying to be understanding to someone who has acted shitty. I think it's those people that need a well-balanced ally the most. The office, though, is a funny place. Even those you've given up on and theoretically no longer allow to bring you down...do. They still affect your day. And you have no choice about it except your own reaction. ETA....The above may sound preachy, but it's not meant to be. There was actually a bunch more to the post that I deleted because, well, it was crap. So it doesn't end eloquently. :)

erieangel -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 9:58:51 AM)
quote: When do you just give up on random shitty people who somehow entered your life? At what point does all the compassion, sympathy, empathy, and understanding wear out, and you just want them to go the fuck away again? Far too often, I can't. I simply can't. OK, in my personal life, I can. And I do. I cut off contact with people who bring me down, who I see as not being worthy of my time and effort. The last guy I dated I cut off contact with because he got upset when I got a call from one of boys at the lodge. Somebody had set off the fire alarm and I had to go up and meet the fire department. There is myself and my boss attached to that house, so I never turn off my phone--I did for my daughter's wedding, my mother's funeral and the birth of my granddaughter. Professionally, I can't give up on anybody, no matter how much a waste of time they may be. It's frustrating when I have to go over the same things of how load a dishwasher day after day after day and they continue to do it wrong. It's frustrating when I have to explain that the phrase "my hair is more important than paying rent" will make ensure that he is homeless and doesn't have access to electricity for his hair straightener. It is frustrating when a kid's representative payee gives him the money to pay his bills and $30 spending money and the kid goes to mall and buys a $300 phone and then wonders why his payee and I are both yelling at him about his bill money. It is frustrating to the point that I want to give up but I am not allowed.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 2:54:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr Rich, my best friend always stops me in my tracks when she says: "Michael, before you run out the door to save the world, make sure it *wants* to be saved!" There's a whole lot of truth in that but, I think to answer your question as specifically as I can (because as someone else said; it's a different point for different people in different situations): when you start realizing that your time is more valuable than the person you're giving it to is treating it. You know, I moved into a new place about a month ago. I was having some issues with my TV. I couldn't get the picture right. I called DirecTV and spent 90 minutes on the phone with one of their help desk people and we determined that it was the damned zoom (for which there's no control on the side of the TV and no way to get to it from the OSD, using the buttons on the side of the TV). When I realized what was going on, not only did I apologize for wasting the young lady's time but I *thanked* her for her time because it is valuable to her. I like to think that that made me less of a pain in the ass, in her mind. I hope I helped and good luck with the situation. Peace and comfort, Michael Flawless.

dcnovice -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 3:09:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr Rich, my best friend always stops me in my tracks when she says: "Michael, before you run out the door to save the world, make sure it *wants* to be saved!" There's a whole lot of truth in that but, I think to answer your question as specifically as I can (because as someone else said; it's a different point for different people in different situations): when you start realizing that your time is more valuable than the person you're giving it to is treating it. You know, I moved into a new place about a month ago. I was having some issues with my TV. I couldn't get the picture right. I called DirecTV and spent 90 minutes on the phone with one of their help desk people and we determined that it was the damned zoom (for which there's no control on the side of the TV and no way to get to it from the OSD, using the buttons on the side of the TV). When I realized what was going on, not only did I apologize for wasting the young lady's time but I *thanked* her for her time because it is valuable to her. I like to think that that made me less of a pain in the ass, in her mind. I hope I helped and good luck with the situation. Peace and comfort, Michael Flawless. Agreed. [:)]

TheHeretic -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 4:27:21 PM)
5 hours in the office today, catching up on my own work, because of time I have spent fixing her mistakes over the last few weeks. I'm not sure where the line was, or even that there a specific moment. I think it was cumulative, and within a short enough time window that I hadn't let the early stuff go yet. I do know I'm going to have a hell of a time not handing her a legitimate HR complaint, in however long it's going to take to get rid of her. And thanks for all the great replies. [:D]

playfulotter -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 5:43:02 PM)
Maybe this is why I really, really get to know what a person is all about before I engage them into my life...I don't know who you are talking about but it is a reason to take it slow at first...I am sure I am probably off-base but just wanted to put my 1 cent in. I hope all is well soon!

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 5:47:00 PM)
I am only responsible for what I said. (Not what you understood).

TheHeretic -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 5:49:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie I am only responsible for what I said. (Not what you understood). I'm going to remember that one, in case I do wind up getting a call from HR. Thanks.

TheHeretic -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 5:53:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: playfulotter Maybe this is why I really, really get to know what a person is all about before I engage them into my life...I don't know who you are talking about but it is a reason to take it slow at first...I am sure I am probably off-base but just wanted to put my 1 cent in. I hope all is well soon! Well, unless you have complete and independent control over everyone you work with, not very applicable here, but good advice in general. [:)]

playfulotter -> RE: Just because I understand, doesn't mean I care (4/27/2013 5:58:30 PM)
My apologies..I thought it was someone you had a out-of-work relationship with first....Disregard my posting.

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