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slavekyle -> Getting Over a Domina's Heartbreak? (6/24/2006 6:55:35 AM)
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Okay i know that i will seem like a real sapling for posting this - but here goes.
~takes a deep breath~
A few months back i was contacted by an area Domina - very beautiful to my eyes - probably not to most submissive men. She had an exceptional way with words, was highly intelligent and very cultured. It was truly a gift, in my opinion, when She contacted me because i have gotten so few Dominas that actually take the time to write first - let alone right more than a 2 or 3 sentence reply to anything i write. As Y/you will see - i am wordy and tend to write in great detail - having a great gift for creative writing (fiction - BDSM - romance - erotia, etc.)
The more W/we conversed in e-mail and chat the deeper i felt my emotions going towards Her. After about a month of chatting and such, She contacted me and demanded a face-to-face meeting. She wanted a weekend getaway from home and job and was going to drive half of the hour long distance to meet me. She was putting Herself up at a hotel and i was under no obligation to stay or even to spend much time there - i.e.: no pressure for play or sex.
i completely agreed to all Her terms and as the day approached W/we both began to say things i felt were genuine - including a lot of talk about how deep O/our feelings were for one another and how the "L" word might be spoken very soon by B/both parties to one another.
On the day of the meeting i went to a local florist and bought Her a dozen red roses and made sure they were the best possible. i tried to find a vase - but even a creative man is not always good at picking out decent ones so i passed for the moment not seeing anything that really looked right. i drove up to meet Her and called from the road to let Her know i was nearing the destination.
When i got there my instructions were to wait in the parking lot for Her call with the room number. About 5 minutes later i got the call and went to Her room with a bag filled with some BDSM toys in case things went that direction (NEVER letting on that this is what was in there), some things for staying overnight in case i did wish to remain there, a soft-sided cooler with ice water and soda, and the roses.
W/we met at the door and i was floored by Her beauty in person. For the next hour or so W/we walked around a nearby park on the lake, sat and talked just off the beach and got to know each other even better. i was nervous and shaking a bit because She was so cultured and so beautiful - and i'd not been through an "interview" like this in such a setting where all i could think about was how romantic it was. She assumed i was cold and i let Her think that way - not wanting to show my inner tremble as being nervousness.
W/we drove to a restaurant in the heart of the small town and ate dinner while watching a hockey game - my favourite team - on TV. She was very into hockey, though for the local team and not mine. But W/we enjoyed the food and the company. i kept my hand on Her leg much of the time after eating and sat very close to Her showing how i felt.
By this time the most i had shared of my "feelings" was a very loving hug - not wanting to go too far too fast. But all along i had an overwhelming desire to kiss Her passionately as i was falling head over heels for Her. After dinner we drove back to Her room and sat on the couch chatting for about half an hour or more - most of it talking in depth about hard limits, desires, goals, and how She wished things to be if i was to become Her collared slave.
Finally She excused Herself to the restroom and came back moments later for my examination - i was put in the middle of the floor and made to slowly strip for Her as She looked every inch of me over. By the time She got to having me remove the last of my clothing i was as hard and erect as a man can get by this slow and sensual exam.
She started things off by undressing part way, not showing me Her incredible cleavage as of yet - and lying down on the bed to administer a massage to Her back. i did so and She enjoyed it. As the night moved on She removed everything except Her panties and i was now massaging most every inch of Her voluptuous body and so very in love with my tasks and feeling myself very much into Her as well.
Next She had me lie on my stomach and began to finger my man-pussy and seemed to very much be aroused by the fact that i didn't flinch, fight or object to Her invasions of me. In fact She was anxious to meet again, She told me later on, so She could take me to the next step and use it on the thick part of a strap-on. i purred and cooed with each probe She did.
my good behavior earned me the chance to worship Her Temple - and i did so hungrily feasting on it until She climaxed. Then is when things went so wrong.
After bringing her to an orgasm - one that was very hard for Her from what i could gather - i crawled up next to Her and W/we kissed as She wished to taste Herself on my lips. After i got some ice water and came back to begin anal worship of her when my cell rang - trouble at home. my roommate was having issues with my cats being destructive - they were acting up because they missed having me there and i knew what this meant -- that i'd picked the wrong "sitter" for them.
i told Her that i was sorry - that i needed to go and hated to go. W/we kissed passionately and held each other. i swore that i wanted - and needed - to come back and do this again and would be sure that next time i had my ex-wife stay with them as they are very used to her and she could control them better than my pathetic roomie.
She fully understood the depth of love i have for my young babies and told me She fully understood my need to go - and made me swear that next time i would stay. i did, kissing Her hand in worship [:)]
i left feeling guilty because quite honestly i'd never though about things going that far. i'd hoped they might and planned for it - but left my toy bag aside and didn't let Her know that's what was there so there was no pressure and no preconceived expectations. Nor did i tell Her about the toothbrush, toothpaste and other items to get ready in the AM should She wish me to stay the evening in Her bed taking care of Her every need.
i even went so far as to bring a change of "sissy clothing" as She loved to dress thinner-built men up in sissy things and use them - one of the reasons She was so attracted to me.
After i left i felt that everything was good - but i guess this was my mistake. i called before getting home to thank her - to praise her beauty and seductive ways - to say She was honsetly one of the best Dominas i'd ever been with on a "first interview" session and that i longed to be back at Her feet very soon. The call went straight to voice mail [:o]
The next morning i got a letter in e-mail saying She'd left the hotel shortly after i did - not wanting to be alone. i called twice - no answer and no voice mail either. i wrote back and swore on the lives of my departed cats (She knew how much i loved my babies who had passed away within the past 3 years) - and knew that an oath on them was like gold to a greedy man - that i would make it up to Her the next time by staying as long as She wanted -- no excuses and no begging to go back for any reason.
Over the next week i got a few letters - each seeming to be responsive to meeting again and how She was impressed by how devoted i was, not only to my "kids" but to wanting to be there for Her and to become one of Hers.
Then the e-mail stopped - the chats ceased - and i heard nothing but silence from any calls. A Domina friend of mine informed me that She'd taken a new pet and was boastful of it in Her Collarme journal. i was crushed. i did not get online for a few weeks trying to get over the hurt of being dumped so cold like that after expressing my true feelings to Her that night and telling Her over and over how i would move Heaven and Earth to get closer to Her if it would mean more time in worship and servitude.
So now anytime i log in to Collarme i almost always see Her profile come up as being online recently in the past few minutes. Despite Her "busy" life it always seemed that i'd bump into Her profile and be reminded of how i opened myself up and was butchered all over like a slaughterhouse animal. Seeing Her brings back the hurt each time and the emptiness of not knowing why i was "dropped" so suddenly after all signs pointed to honest and good things.
i should probably be posting this in the "Ask Submissive" area but felt that too many subs in there were female subs - which i really don't subscribe to any Woman being submissive since Women are the truly dominant sex. So i am asking it here.
How do i get over this? How can i stop the hurt and pain? Should i 'confront' this Domina again in e-mail? Or just cut this one up to another lost chance and move on?
i just don't understand. In Ohio and Michigan i have had zero luck since the age of 34 with anyone long term as a Domina. my first was at 16 for 3 years. my only other from this area was at 33½ for 6 months before She released me and passed away from cancer a year later.
Yet when i lived in Florida for a year i was involved with two exceptional Dominas - one for 4 months before She sold me to a Domina friend who kept me for 4½ before releasing me to return to Ohio and patch up my family issues. And even while down there i met so many wonderful, honest Ladies that kept asking my first Domina, Mistress Deidre, how they could find one so devoted as me and would She share? i was even told by the Domina that ended up buying me, Mistress Vanessa, that there was a bidding war to earn my services between Herself and 6 other Women that i'd met while attending BDSM parties, munches or just seeing/meeting them outside of Lifestyle functions!
So why is it so difficult in Ohio/Michigan - and yet so easy in Florida? i am the same person here today that i was in Florida over 3 years ago! Even Ms Vanessa (a member of Collarme) is shocked and appalled at the Ohio/Michigan Dominas that refuse to give me a chance or will "use me up" as they did before my moving to Florida as Ms. Deidre's pet/lover/slave.
i am very sorry for the wordiness of this post - but i warned Y/you i am a writer [:D] i just can't understand - and i can't deal with the pain each time i see Her profile and photo and wish i was back at her feet.
Thanks to A/all that respond and even to those that just view without commenting. i hope each of Y/you has a wonderful weekend!
slave kyle - sad and blue in NW Ohio [:(]
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