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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 4/30/2013 8:06:01 PM

NuevaVida

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As has been said, for those looking for a "Top" or who are into the public scene, references might have some value. But for an individual relationship, that's a really personal thing. Even if some guy was well spoken of, as being the best thing since sliced bread, that doesn't mean we'd be compatible.

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 5/1/2013 4:43:26 PM

littlewonder

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Do you go around asking men you meet for a date, for their references??? Why not???

If you don't then, why would you think you have to now???? Bdsm is no different than vanilla. Same situations apply.

Personally I would laugh if someone asked me for references and I would never, ever ask someone else for references. I just think they're ridiculous. Who is going to give someone bad references? Who is going to give you references to his last sub/slave who is now pissed at him and would tell you he's a complete asshole??

I can't see what use references are. It's like setting up a safecall. It's only good for finding your body.

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 5/2/2013 1:37:18 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anewflower

hello, I'm new to this website and have been given information from a Dom friend stating it is always a good idea to ask a perspective Dom for references. Is this true and if so if the Dom tells you no he is not going to give any for he has never had a problem how should someone new read this response?

Thank you for your time

I'd refer her to my cock.
Seriously.

I don't even need to read the thread to know that in two pages the reason why references don't me jack in BDSM have already been laid out.

For Her, whatever that her or slave/submissive is, He either is, or is he isn't.
He either has mojo, or lacks it.
He sets her on fire or not. That's the only real reference that counts.

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 7/18/2013 3:45:18 AM

hrxxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anewflower

hello, I'm new to this website and have been given information from a Dom friend stating it is always a good idea to ask a perspective Dom for references. Is this true and if so if the Dom tells you no he is not going to give any for he has never had a problem how should someone new read this response?

Thank you for your time

Maybe it's just when we're talking about FinDom, you can search for recommendations on the Internet from other slaves and submissive who has been with this FinDom and these recommendations will be completely anonymous so I do not know how much serious you can take them.

When we talk about private Dom then the answer is clearly no, there are some things you need to think about here and it's blackmail, if I were to give you recommendations from earlier playmates, they would be vulnerable to blackmail because you have their personal information , and possibly personal pictures from our BDSM play, and if you do not get the personal information that you can check, then it's just a piece of paper as a Dom himself could have written, and you do not know whether it is genuine or fake.

There are 2 types of girls that never get my home to play, 1 if I do not trust her, or 2 she does not trust me, then there is no chance in hell for she will be admitted.
My advice to you is if you do not trust enough on a Dominant, then you should follow your gut feeling and stay away from him

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 7/19/2013 12:42:35 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's a word for the other side.

References aren't always based on a person's intimate relationships. If a person is involved in their local community, there's still a lot you can learn about them. Is the person known as a member of good standing? When they say they are going to pitch in and help at a community event, do they follow through? Are other members of the community going to tell you that the person is welcome in their homes at private events? Does the person have a good reputation for being a safe player, following dungeon rules, and abiding by the general code of conduct for the group? Are they involved in the group from an educational standpoint, either by attending the learning opportunities that the group holds or teaching in those areas that he's checking off that expert designation on his interest list? Often, other people will know about his past dynamics and how long they lasted and whether or not a good impression was made there.

One good thing about those of us who are active in the kink community. I can (and have) walked people into the munch/club and told them that they can choose anybody in attendance to go and chat for a while so they can ask anything they'd like about those areas where people in the community have seen regarding the areas above. I also keep a list of all of the presentations/demos that I've done in various locations so a person can verify that if they want to as well. In the days of FetLife, it's very easy to see who is actually running a particular organization without having to be concerned that I'm whipping up fake profiles just to give good references.

What am I back in high school? Let's try to follow the logic that LP is attempting to make. So I want to meet this person. I contact the 5 strangers they have provided and no shit I get 5 completely different answer. <Go Figure> Now suppose one of the references says....I like them BUT so and so says they are a "jerk". Who in the hell do you "Believe"?

I mean golly gee 2 ppl says he is ok tho someone said he was a jerk the rest are non committal. Are you really buying into this BS?

The other thing I'd like to point out is like someone is "knowingly" going to give you a reference that's not flattening. Common sense goes a long way here folks.

OP do what most ppl do. Get to know them in a public setting for as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable to take it to the next level, whatever that maybe.

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 7/19/2013 12:50:38 PM

SwitchNSpanky

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My take? As a Dom how many references should I require prospective subs to provide? Three? What about new subs without any prior work experiance?

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 7/19/2013 2:57:27 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
One question..... Do think anyone is going to provide a reference list of people who will give them a Bad! Reference?

*laughs* I always did at interviews.

Here's two people who probably will say very negative things.
Here's two people who probably have a balanced viewpoint.
Here's two people who are going to be very positive about me.

My attitude was always that I wanted the hiring manager to get a real, balanced view of me so that if they decided to hire me it would actually work.

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 7/19/2013 3:13:50 PM

ARIES83

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OP,
I think your confusing your idea of D/s... A lot of people who consider their relationships D/s may not even be involved in anyway with te BDSM community, or topping, scening etc... So the references you would be looking for in that case are what? You want to talk to his ExGirlfriends? What is the reference suppose to indicate? That he has in the past been dominant? How do you have a record of that? I could supply my work resume that will show a variety of jobs from supervisors to shitkickers and everything in between... It still wouldn't say anything about my personality and very little about my character.

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RE: Asking for References for A Dom - 7/19/2013 6:05:02 PM

SimplyMichael

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Just for fun, next time someone asks me for references, i am going to give them,very impressive names in the kink world who think my head spins around and i growl "your mother sucks cocks in hell" because i am just that evil. I can just imagine the people foaming at the mouth at being asked about me.

It feels like a very "Mercavellian" idea...

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 7/19/2013 6:06:12 PM >

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