quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Perfect varies from person to person.

Pointers:

Don't be a dick
Don't show your dick in your avatar photo
Don't lead with your kink
Do show your life interests, your goals, your inspirations, etc.
Be an amazing human being
Be polite, courteous, and interested in HER
Be about the "other's desires", not about "your desires"
Be willing to enter a relationship

and...

Realize that Dominant women are not fetish delivery systems but human beings looking for INTEREST and RELATIONSHIP
If the vanilla interest isn't there, nothing kinky is ever going to happen

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsEloquence

"Perfection" will mean different things to different women.

As a general rule though, try to be courteous.

If you read the FAQ and other stickies for this message board
you'll get a good idea what will fly in this venue.

And good job on your second topic.

Cheers,
Eloquence

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Perfect varies from person to person.

Pointers:

Don't be a dick
Don't show your dick in your avatar photo
Don't lead with your kink
Do show your life interests, your goals, your inspirations, etc.
Be an amazing human being
Be polite, courteous, and interested in HER
Be about the "other's desires", not about "your desires"
Be willing to enter a relationship

and...

Realize that Dominant women are not fetish delivery systems but human beings looking for INTEREST and RELATIONSHIP
If the vanilla interest isn't there, nothing kinky is ever going to happen

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

What is some vocabulary words to use and to avoid?

quote:

What are some methods to use for safety?

quote:

How might someone be able to see if they have a good match?

quote:

How is one certain that the power between the partners is a reasonable and safe distribution?

Being a dominant being, is it full control over the submissive's life or could there be power distribution like a 70 to 30 ratio or something?

quote:

What factors play into being a good submissive, the obvious of being respectful, but in being respectful should the mistress be respectful back or can they be rude.?

quote:

Does the mistress have full control, can they do whatever they want within the limits of the agreed terms, or do submissive people talk it over?

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

What is some vocabulary words to use and to avoid?

Words that are not good in polite company. Bitch, slut, cunt, whore, etc. are not good until you've actually gotten to know someone.

quote:

What are some methods to use for safety?

Are you talking about general safety such as safewords, safe calls, meeting in public or are you talking about topping safety like knowing how to strike someone safely without causing damage?

quote:

How might someone be able to see if they have a good match?

Start with "vanilla" compatibility. Are you on the same wavelength? Do you enjoy spending time with each other? Even casual play is based around a sort of relationship. Most people won't play with people they don't know and like outside of play.

quote:

How is one certain that the power between the partners is a reasonable and safe distribution?

Being a dominant being, is it full control over the submissive's life or could there be power distribution like a 70 to 30 ratio or something?

This is up to the people in the relationship. Master doesn't WANT 100% control of my life. He doesn't control when I can go to the bathroom, for example. He has no desire to micromanage my life. This being said, he basically has the last word on any discussion (including finances). I choose to look to him for leadership. As our relationship progresses, he gets more and more control when and where we both want it.

quote:

What factors play into being a good submissive, the obvious of being respectful, but in being respectful should the mistress be respectful back or can they be rude.?

Depends on the dynamic. Some subs get off on having the woman be rude. There is a whole subsection of femdom that believes in Female Superiority, for example, where all men are worthless. Both the subs and the dommes in that subsection get off on that.

quote:

Does the mistress have full control, can they do whatever they want within the limits of the agreed terms, or do submissive people talk it over?

Again, depends on the relationship. For some, everything is discussed and negotiated, and for others, not so much. I know that if I'm saying "no" to Master, I better have a good reason (and "I don't feel like it" doesn't cut it). But we've gotten to that point in our relationship through time, trust, and communication. Few people are going to just jump to that.



I'll also say this: not all dom/mes are sadists and not all subs/slaves are masochists. Some relationships are built around the control and power exchange and not about humiliation and pain. Master will spank me, but only if I deserve it through disobedience. He is not a sadist and I'm not a masochist. It is discipline and meant to be a deterrent.

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

Wow thank you for the post and taking the time to write all of that, I have a couple of professors from my university and Oxford university who might be interested in looking at this post would you allow them to?

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

What is some vocabulary words to use and to avoid?
What are some methods to use for safety?
How might someone be able to see if they have a good match?

How is one certain that the power between the partners is a reasonable and safe distribution?

Being a dominant being, is it full control over the submissive's life or could there be power distribution like a 70 to 30 ratio or something?

What factors play into being a good submissive, the obvious of being respectful, but in being respectful should the mistress be respectful back or can they be rude.?

Does the mistress have full control, can they do whatever they want within the limits of the agreed terms, or do submissive people talk it over?

All of only these questions I'm sure scrap the surface of this life, but I'm sure these can help lay a foundation of knowledge one can only experience here on this thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123
What is some vocabulary words to use and to avoid?

quote:

What are some methods to use for safety?

quote:

How might someone be able to see if they have a good match?

quote:

How is one certain that the power between the partners is a reasonable and safe distribution?

quote:

Being a dominant being, is it full control over the submissive's life or could there be power distribution like a 70 to 30 ratio or something?

quote:

What factors play into being a good submissive, the obvious of being respectful, but in being respectful should the mistress be respectful back or can they be rude.?

quote:

Does the mistress have full control, can they do whatever they want within the limits of the agreed terms, or do submissive people talk it over?

quote:

All of only these questions I'm sure scrap the surface of this life, but I'm sure these can help lay a foundation of knowledge one can only experience here on this thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

Wow thank you for the post and taking the time to write all of that, I have a couple of professors from my university and Oxford university who might be interested in looking at this post would you allow them to?

I have no problem with you sharing it with them.

The thing to keep in mind is that BDSM/Ds relationships are just that: relationships. If you suck at vanilla relationships, adding kink isn't going to make it easier. It takes honesty, communication and trust. I might be submissive, but I'm only submissive to one person. If Joe Schmoe comes at me with "on your knees, bitch and suck my cock" it just makes me laugh at him (not with him) and reply with "you first".

Submission is a choice that I make and find fulfilling. It annoys the snot out of some people in my family that I allow him the last word. My mother said "you are so subservient to him" shortly after meeting him. It annoyed her that I liked making and bringing his tea or that I would button his shirt for him (his hand was in a cast and he couldn't maneuver the buttons) or tie his shoes. Do I do that all the time for him? No. But it wasn't an imposition because I love and respect him, and out of that love and respect, I want to be of service. In return, I'm loved, cherished and led. Our relationship is far more like a 1950s relationship where he is the head of the household and has the final say. He listens to my input (heck, he is always asking my opinion on things), but HE makes the decisions.


You mentioned in the "other thread" what happens if the next day someone cries rape after consenting. This happens in the vanilla world as well. You can prevent a lot of that by actually KNOWING the people you play with and limit the casual play (or keep it in public where you have witnesses). Note: Not all BDSM is sexual. Just because a domme I know of likes to stick needles into people's skin and make designs out of it, doesn't mean she wants to (or will) have sex with them. She is straight, but plays casually (in public) with both sexes. It isn't necessarily about sex for her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123
What is some vocabulary words to use and to avoid?

I think you already got a lesson of what to avoid. Until you've got a good definition for yourself of what kink terms mean, you might want to avoid using them as well. Using words when not understanding the definition of them leads to poor communication and is going to lead to a lot of misinterpretation. If you don't know what an orange really is and you start talking to somebody about the orange in your hand when it's really an apply, it's just going to confuse yourself and other people.

quote:

What are some methods to use for safety?

As far as what? Meeting people? Negotiating scenes? Acquiring enough education so that you are practicing the principles of RACK? (Risk Aware Consensual Kink.) Since you didn't qualify the question, here's a safety tip. Never give up your hands and feet (let a person tie you up) if you don't trust them not to harm you.

quote:

How might someone be able to see if they have a good match?

For kink or for a relationship? The relationship part isn't any different than what it is to the rest of the world. Do you have similar ethics? Do you like who that person is as a human being? Do you have interests in common?

Kink compatibility (the BDSM part) is as simple as do you like to engage in the same activities. Look up a BDSM checklist and see if the person you are dealing with wants to do the same things that you want to do.

Dynamic compatibility (the authority exchange part) is more about how much power one person wants to have over another, how far that power extends, how formal of a dynamic the people want to have, (protocols, rituals, etc) and whether that is going to be a small or large part of your life.

quote:

How is one certain that the power between the partners is a reasonable and safe distribution?

That's completely dependent on the opinions of the parties involved. If you trust the person that is in charge, you can go pretty far without having to be concerned for your safety.

quote:

Being a dominant being, is it full control over the submissive's life or could there be power distribution like a 70 to 30 ratio or something?

It can be anything from 51/49 to 100/0 or anything in-between. Personally, I am not compatible with those who are only interested in bedroom only submission or only during play. My goal actually is 100% of the authority.

quote:

What factors play into being a good submissive, the obvious of being respectful, but in being respectful should the mistress be respectful back or can they be rude.?

Again, it completely depends on the parties involved. For example, I don't make requests. If I'm the person in authority, I give commands. I may use please when I want something done, but it's not really an option. It's an "I say, you do" situation because I expect obedience.

quote:

Does the mistress have full control, can they do whatever they want within the limits of the agreed terms, or do submissive people talk it over?

At some point, you are going to get sick of Me saying it depends on the people involved. This stuff varies for everyone.

I am a full control type. There might be discussion, but there won't be debate. My decisions are final. My philosophy is that if you want to submit, that means you have entrusted Me to lead and to be the person in control. If you'd prefer to be in control, please do so, but do that with somebody else.

quote:

All of only these questions I'm sure scrap the surface of this life, but I'm sure these can help lay a foundation of knowledge one can only experience here on this thread.

You're really not going to understand the scope of these things until you get to know people who run their dynamics in a variety of ways. If you can think of a way that it *might* work, somebody is out there doing it. Everything from play only dynamics, to bedroom submission, to various forms of D/s, to M/s, to subcultures like leather, to Owner/property. Anything and everything is out there.

On another response, I noticed you asked if your professor could be shown these responses. Honestly, don't do that. We're not some kind of research project or taking our time to answer questions so you can examine the kinky people in their natural habitat. There are plenty of non fiction BDSM books out there for that.