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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 6:06:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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It's called sub frenzy. Google it.

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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 7:25:12 PM   
theRose4U


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Frenzy has been covered. My big question is have you met this person face to face? Tingly over someone you have a flesh & bone relationship with in my mind is different than someone using you for naked cam sessions or phone sex.
Do you know his last name? What he does for a living? Kids? Pets? Allergies? Not just their favorite fetish & sex position

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 8:26:50 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: new2subaz


With being a sub, I find myself becoming emotionally attached to the man I'm conversing with. I am a girl, afterall, so I did expect some level of attachment to develop right off the bat, but I was not expecting THIS level. Is this normal for a sub new to this lifestyle? There are powerful emotions involved with this and it's just so...overwhelming. Is that right right word? I don't know.
It's almost like I NEED him and when I don't hear from him after a while, I get upset. Being a normally vanilla independent person, this is odd for me.


Being a sub and/or a girl doesn't necessarily mean one will become overly emotionally attached, especially so quickly. I happen to be one of those rare folks who thinks "sub frenzy" is a steaming load of horseshit. It's a cute little BDSM euphemism for acting like a moronic fool just because things are new and fun. It's a ridiculous concept to me. In the "vanilla" world (another term I really loathe but lets use it for brevity's sake), one doesn't lose his/her virginity and then immediately go off the deep end, desperate for cock and/or pussy, running madly and wildly after any they can get. So, the idea that someone in the BDSM realm would get a taste of submission and then promptly lose all control and good sense and just go into a "frenzy" is a ridiculous, whitewashed concept. Whether it's "vanilla" or BDSM, use the sense god gave a goose and don't buy into some "frenzy" idea that makes being an idiot sound acceptable. That's my very serious, sincere advice to you. Good luck........luci

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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 8:31:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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I completely agree with that. I don't find it acceptable. I just simply gave her a term that others call it but nothing about it is acceptable at all. I can't say I've ever been in sub frenzy. I've never gotten attached to men quickly. Hell, it took me two years just to meet Master in person just because I had no attachment to him online lol. Yeah, I can't say to really understand it but it does seem to happen often. I have always called it "parking their brain outside the door before they step in".


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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 8:34:15 PM   
absolutchocolat


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Keep in mind that if this is an online-only thing (since you haven't really clarified that for us), people can pretend to be whomever they want. I can create a domme-ly persona and fool someone without leaving the comfort of my own home. Wait until you meet the guy in person -- and nope, Skype don't count -- until you form an attachment. He may seem like Prince Charming now, bue he could very well be a frog.

That said, if you like the guy and he likes you, I wish you all the best. Just be careful about who you let into your world.

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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 9:30:49 PM   
new2subaz


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Joined: 4/22/2013
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Sound advice, thank you again everyone!

To answer some questions, no I have not met this guy yet. We've talked about it, but I think it's better off this way for now--that way I can't rush into something I might regret later. Yes, I do know his name, what he does for a living, if he has kids, etc, etc. We DO have great discussions about anything and everything which is what attracted me to him in the first place.

Anyway, I think this is more about my insecurities than the guy I'm talking to. Statistics show nothing will come of "us", and that's OK. I'm certainly not new to this online world, I've met men from across the country before and it turned out fine. I know warning signs when I see them :)

I just need to get my emotions in check. Today was a lot better than yesterday. I've listened to you all, read up on the subject, and feel a lot more calm and level headed.

Thanks all :)

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 9:37:27 PM   
OsideGirl


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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: new2subaz
Yes, I do know his name, what he does for a living, if he has kids, etc, etc.



I'm going to give you a piece of advice that I hope you take to heart.

You really don't know his name, what he does for a living, if he has kids, etc. You only know what he wishes you to know. Truly, you can be anyone on the internet.

Until you have met face to face, you don't really know this person. Do not get emotionally involved with someone before you have met them.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 9:47:38 PM   
new2subaz


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Joined: 4/22/2013
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Very true, OsideGirl. Like I mentioned, I have taken a step back to breathe. I know anyone can be who they want to be online, I've seen it before.

Do not worry--I may be new to BDSM, but I do listen to good advice and am definitely taking it to heart :)

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/8/2013 10:44:11 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: new2subaz

Sound advice, thank you again everyone!

To answer some questions, no I have not met this guy yet. We've talked about it, but I think it's better off this way for now--that way I can't rush into something I might regret later. Yes, I do know his name, what he does for a living, if he has kids, etc, etc. We DO have great discussions about anything and everything which is what attracted me to him in the first place.

Anyway, I think this is more about my insecurities than the guy I'm talking to. Statistics show nothing will come of "us", and that's OK. I'm certainly not new to this online world, I've met men from across the country before and it turned out fine. I know warning signs when I see them :)

I just need to get my emotions in check. Today was a lot better than yesterday. I've listened to you all, read up on the subject, and feel a lot more calm and level headed.

Thanks all :)


I actually think this might not be for the best in your case. If you have a tendency to feel big emotions over people you talk to online, I think you should make a point of meeting them as early as possible, so you can compare fantasy to reality. Before you have chance to build them up in your head.

On the internet we can take our time and type exactly what we want the other person to read. They can't see our body language or hear our tone of voice. They can't smell whether we've washed our clothes recently. They can't see how we speak to the waiter at the restaurant. Tons of little clues that might say 'you're not for me'. Go on a date early, spare yourself the heartbreak of disappointment when he turns out to be different than you thought. And if he does turn out to be a promising date, great! At least you've now got something more solid to latch on to.

Not forgetting that a large chunk of people are never intending to actually meet you - married, too scared, only looking for someone to jerk to - so it's good to filter those out now and not in three months when you think things are rosy.

I also think rushing into things you might regret (I assume you're thinking you might get carried away and play/have sex right away?) is just as likely online. I'm thinking naked cam sessions that get recorded, or just over-sharing of information when your relationship isn't really that intimate. I find it easier to share intimate details with the safety of a computer screen between us, if we 'clicked' I might feel safer discussing my sexual preferences over instant messages than I would in say, a busy coffee shop with someone I just met. You might actually find that meeting in person slows things down because in most public places the focus of your conversation will tend more towards the old fashioned getting to know you. Go ahead and set boundaries ahead of time - 'I won't be playing on the first date'.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/9/2013 5:40:34 AM   
MsEloquence


Posts: 72
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline
Please do yourself a favor and meet people in the flesh.

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RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/9/2013 7:28:47 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

Keep in mind that if this is an online-only thing (since you haven't really clarified that for us), people can pretend to be whomever they want. I can create a domme-ly persona and fool someone without leaving the comfort of my own home. Wait until you meet the guy in person -- and nope, Skype don't count -- until you form an attachment. He may seem like Prince Charming now, bue he could very well be a frog.

That said, if you like the guy and he likes you, I wish you all the best. Just be careful about who you let into your world.

He could also be a toad taping those naked skype "training session" to upload to porn hub

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/9/2013 9:50:54 AM   
legzfordaze


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/4/2013
Status: offline
No worries, there are no naked Skype sessions :) I may be new to BDSM, but I'm not new to online "dating" (or not dating, haha)

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Becoming emotionally attached - 5/9/2013 9:58:45 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
Forget which account you were on?

FYI: having two accounts and posting under both is not cool.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to legzfordaze)
Profile   Post #: 33
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