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RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/8/2013 9:30:25 AM

chatterbox24

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When I masturbate I think about having an orgasm LMAO. seriously that is my focus. I don't necessary see a person or even some kind of scene in my head. But I also will say I have seen a person before I used as a motivator, but not very often.

People who discussed their fantasies, went into great detail, something they thought out in vivid colors and actions. Exactly how they wanted things to go and how they went. I just have never did that about sex, and the things I have thought are pretty vanilla, its romantic hoop la, with an occasional slapping, spanking or choking thrown in. ha.

Unless your desires are sick demented hurtful to another, forced on them. Heck no you aren't corrupting anyone, you might be introducing them into something new, but as long as you are dealing with an adult, all is fair, no worries.

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Post #: 21

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/8/2013 3:51:18 PM

ResidentSadist

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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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"Am I hurting him by having him spank me and tie me up if he wouldn't be into that if I hadn't brought it up?"
Absolutely not. That is normal slap & tickle shit that 80% of the vanilla world participate in to some degree.

Now if you were talking about serious "dark fantasies" . . . you are dressed in a little school girl uniform and your incestuous Uncle Sadist relative with a pet German Sheppard takes you to the local church in real life, throws tacks on the confessional floor and defiles you there while you are bleeding on the floor, face down in the tacks, getting choked to the point of asphyxia. He slaps his hand on the bloody floor and uses your blood as lube to ass rape you, then as you start blinking in and out of the hypoxia borders where everything turns a sepia tone, you are told to scream and denounce your God - pronouncing your allegiance to Master or he'll never let you breath again . . . and I won't even mention what the GErman Shepard is doing . . .
. . . That's still OK too. . . . well, ok, maybe it is a matter of perspective and conditioning and that could be traumatic to some people.

Whether it is slap and tickle or sucking off a real priest, it's all good unless someone freaks out, ends up crying while curled up in the fetal position and needs professional therapy afterwards. So I guess slap & tickle can flip his wig if it ain't glued on very tight.

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Post #: 22

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/8/2013 5:17:16 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
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First, a comment to ResidenSadist. HOLY HANNAH! I never fantasize about anything, sexually speaking, and I don't usually enjoy reading other people's fantasies but my brain is fried from reading that. Never would do any part of it but GAWD, that's hawt. (Got to think and type through this buzz now to finish my post, lol.)

kaimorea, I cannot speak for others but yes, I've had to examine my life, kink wise, and re-evaluate if I was going too far. If my corruption of others was okay or not. It's a conscience thing with religious issues mixed in...and...I always have to double check myself to be sure I'm not crossing the line.

In a way it's ridiculous that I feel the need to do this. After all, anything between consenting adults should be okay, as long as it's healthy for both of them. But I have an ugly past, stuff happened to me, and somehow it gave me concerns (near paranoia, lol) over becoming anything like my abusers. When I first found out that I reacted with arousal over someone else being spanked it horrified me. I was okay with D/s and bondage but not with "impact play". My mentor had to remind me to breathe and then talked me through mentally changing gears, that impact play can be just another form of sensation play. She also had me read a lot of stuff on the internet that explained the difference between BDSM and abuse (I still have some of those links, if you are interested).

For the first year, I kept wondering if I was corrupting myself. I felt guilty for liking "hurting" someone, and something of a freak for getting a female boner (orgasmic platform) from flogging, paddling, etc., and spanking guys. Sometimes it takes a while to feel comfortable with yourself...and time proved to me that this is healthy and nurturing for the both of us.

My boy NEEDS his beatings. He gets very wound up through the week and what I do to him mellows him out. I've also noticed that (with quite a few men), impact play and subspacing has helped lower their blood pressure for a week or two afterward. bo hasn't needed to be on BP meds for a year and a half, his doctor said so and took him off of it. (He's still checked from time to time to see if he would need the meds back again.)

Reading 'When Someone You Love is Kinky' might help you make peace with what's bothering you. You won't turn him into a monster. When I spank or flog or cane my boy, it's not all about me. I'm watching him intently, noticing everything; this is a symbiotic relationship not a parasitic one. And btw, some people enjoy lighter impacts until their endorphins raise higher and then they can take it harder. Others want it to be rough from the start, not erotic, so they can feel purged/punished/cleansed. There are perfectly normal, healthy, average joe type of people out there that are doing more in their bedroom (and dungeon) than you would be comfortable with...we're all around...I doubt that you are the only kinky person in your area. (Yay for warm, pink butts with nice hand prints on them!)

Somewhere in my computer I've made a file of news articles...did you know that some well known countries have done studies that say that spanking or caning can help alter a depressed person's brain chemistry for the better? In another, it said it helped people with ADHD. In another...caning is being given as a prescription to be filled, to help people who want to break their addiction to drugs or alcohol. (Feel better now?)

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 23

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/8/2013 5:20:34 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Only if you're forcing him and from the sounds of it, you're not. He's doing it of his own free will. Why not ask him why he does it? Does he feel forced? Does he do it out of obligation? Does he do it because he loves you? Does he do it because he likes it also? Only he would know.

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Post #: 24

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/8/2013 11:43:30 PM

Determinist

Posts: 38
Joined: 4/20/2013
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I hate the term 'corruption', at least in the way a lot people mean it (not sexy, but as a 'I'm doing bad things and I should feel bad' way) because the idea of sexual activity being a tainting factor ('taint', heh) and sexual purity as an ideal is an old hangup from religious teachings.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 25

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 1:49:57 AM

crazyml

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Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kaimorea

Thus might be a weird question and way to deep since I don't know anyone here but here goes. I have some dark desires, and I'm pretty sure they stem from my screwed up childhood. And when I tell my bf these desires hes always up for trying them. But he never tells me he has any dark fantasies. Am I hurting him by having him spank me and tie me up if he wouldn't be into that if I hadn't brought it up?

I guess it depends on how dark? Could these desires result in him going to jail if he acted on them?

Could you both come to any lasting harm?

I'm not saying that if either of these things are true then you shouldn't talk about them - but you need to be aware of the risks and then make your call.

If you've got some "stuff" associated with your childhood (and there's nothing wrong, or unusual about that), then you may want to consider finding a way to process those experiences (again - I'm not saying you should find a way, but that you should consider it).

But ultimately, your BF is responsible for his own actions... so no, I don't think there's any problem with your introducing him to some of the filthy things you have lurking in that kinky mind of yours.

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Post #: 26

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 6:01:15 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kaimorea
Thus might be a weird question and way to deep since I don't know anyone here but here goes. I have some dark desires, and I'm pretty sure they stem from my screwed up childhood. And when I tell my bf these desires hes always up for trying them. But he never tells me he has any dark fantasies. Am I hurting him by having him spank me and tie me up if he wouldn't be into that if I hadn't brought it up?

Have you looked him in the face and asked him if he is being hurt?

No offense intended but I think you are trying to complicate matters unnecessarily. It sounds to Me like you've got yourself somebody who is willing to service top you. From where I'm sitting, that's great! You're getting the play that you want and he's willing to do it. Do you know how many people would be thrilled that their SO would be willing to do that?

You know, it's completely possible that he's a willing participant in your requested activities without having "dark" fantasies of his own. Believe it or not, there really are vanilla folks who don't dream up visions of bondage or S/m when they think their own thoughts in their head. It's just as ok that he doesn't have such thoughts as it is ok for the fact that you do.

If you are concerned about it, talk to him. Yes, like another poster said, with your clothes on and preferably someplace that isn't in your bedroom. That helps to eliminate confusion.

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(in reply to kaimorea)

Post #: 27

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 1:40:33 PM

Judyjade

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Joined: 5/3/2013
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I want to be the Great Corruptor, of someone I know. He is very vanilla and even though I am a beginner, it is tempting. The only thing that stops me from showing my real kinky side is that it may scare him away and I don't want that. He is a friend.

(in reply to kaimorea)

Post #: 28

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 1:48:32 PM

Judyjade

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/3/2013
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I think of this Vanilla guy, I am not by the way. How do I get rid of that vanilla icon?LOL!!!!! I want this man to spank me, flog me and tie me up. I want him to always be thinking of me being bound.

(in reply to Judyjade)

Post #: 29

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 1:52:12 PM

sexyred1

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I have corrupted every guy I have been in a relationship with.

It was fun and helped them discover their dark sides.

So no, I don't worry about it at all.

I only worry when their normal side turns out badly.

(in reply to Judyjade)

Post #: 30

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 7:38:55 PM

Kana

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I'm with Red. I look forward to corrupting them-that's one of the main goals. And the more jaded, the more experienced, the greater the challenge.
I'd be crushed if I didn't corrupt her one whit

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Post #: 31

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 8:25:08 PM

RemoteUser

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I don't really believe in corruption.

I believe in unveiling things that were always there, just hiding in a corner of the attic (or the basement - I suppose it depends on which end you begin with).

That said, OP, you can't go wrong by exposing someone to something you have tucked away. It's not the exploration that's a problem; more often it's the path you take to get there.

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RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 9:58:23 PM

SomethingCatchy

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I corrupted my husband. I enjoyed every minute of it. Now he's so twisted that he enjoys things he previous said he wasn't interested in or thought they were 'wrong' or 'not right' to do.

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RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 10:04:43 PM

MarineKitten

Posts: 68
Joined: 12/21/2012
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Can I start bouncing up and down and chanting "one of us," now?

Funny thing with my D/s. I thought I was corrupting my dom who at the time was just my boyfriend. Then he goes and tells me how he has had an interest in it for a really long time, and just didn't say anything. Blew my mind.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 34

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 10:08:00 PM

SeverinVim

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I love it when people tell me how bad I am, how bad I've been. It always brings out the best in me, I think. There is no shortage of people in D/s ready, willing, and able to tell me all that's wrong with me. I yearn to be their animal, and I think they understand me completely. :-)

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

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RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/9/2013 10:31:49 PM

MasterCaneman

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By the time I met my previous partners, they were already past the 'corrupted' phase, as was I. That was the reason we would get together in the first place

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Post #: 36

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/10/2013 1:26:02 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

By the time I met my previous partners, they were already past the 'corrupted' phase, as was I. That was the reason we would get together in the first place

Bah-That just raises the bar higher, makes things a challenge :-)

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
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Post #: 37

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/10/2013 10:03:25 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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Not a challenge Kana. An opportunity.

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RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/11/2013 6:55:23 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Not a challenge Kana. An opportunity.

Aren't they the same thing?

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 39

RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? - 5/11/2013 8:31:46 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kaimorea

I have some dark desires, and I'm pretty sure they stem from my screwed up childhood.

I am going to do what I often hate on forums and that is focus on something that isn't actually the question that you have asked but the part that concerns me most. See if the thing that you are doing is something that you feel negative about it can really cause all sorts of problems further down the line. I may be way off and if so I am sorry but I really do think that it would be a good idea for you to think about your motivations and whether there is something that can be done to ensure that your relationship with your sexuality is a healthy one. As I said I may be totally wrong and if so just ignore me.

As to your main question, the advice you have got is the same as the advice that I would give. I just think that you need to talk to your partner. I am sure that if it was something that he wasn't enjoying then he would make that clear but if its something you are worried about talking will help ease your mind.

Loads of luck to you :)

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Post #: 40

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