Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (Full Version)

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kaimorea -> Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 1:15:39 AM)

Thus might be a weird question and way to deep since I don't know anyone here but here goes. I have some dark desires, and I'm pretty sure they stem from my screwed up childhood. And when I tell my bf these desires hes always up for trying them. But he never tells me he has any dark fantasies. Am I hurting him by having him spank me and tie me up if he wouldn't be into that if I hadn't brought it up?



FormerlyFurr -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 2:09:43 AM)

Are you enjoying it? Is he? If the answer to both questions is yes, go for it.



Ravensnake -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 2:51:01 AM)

If you both get something out of it, you're not corrupting him, just taking him out of his comfort zone.

Some guys need to be 'corrupted' and for their partner to instigate scenes.

Go for it, have fun and dont feel guilty



littleclip -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 3:22:09 AM)

the best way is to just ask him and if he is ok then rock on



cleanswell -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 3:27:15 AM)

I'd like someone to corrupt me....



lizi -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 3:35:55 AM)

I wouldn't worry about it. Some people don't have fantasies, I don't. I never have. I'm fine with it, how can I miss what I've never had? I mean, certain things appeal to me, and I like them in the bedroom and vice versa, but I've never had any scripts running through my head, or deep desires that I ponder.



kiwisub12 -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 3:58:14 AM)

Corrupting implies evil - and what i do isn't evil - its fun, and sexy, and consential.

If you are holding a gun to your boyfriends head and making him tie you up and beat you, then yes, maybe you are evil. If not, then not so much on the evil.

What we do is normal sexual human behaviour, abet a bit unusual according to the girl next door. Not bad, not evil, not corrupting, not even a little naughty.

Well, maybe a little naughty, but nothing that you need to go to confession about. [:)]



DarkSteven -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 5:06:21 AM)

You let him know what it takes in a relationship to make you happy. He decided to do it. And from your account, he enjoys it.

No losers.



chatterbox24 -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 5:56:20 AM)

I have never had fantasies either, and depending on what another person's fantasy is, I was perfectly happy to be included in theirs. Being part of the dream, being part of making it true felt good, it didn't feel a bit like I was being corrupted. On the contrary.



SpanishMatMaster -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 6:25:52 AM)

I have corrupted more than one girl. And some women too. So... what can I say? Never worried me.



theshytype -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 6:42:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

I have never had fantasies either, and depending on what another person's fantasy is, I was perfectly happy to be included in theirs. Being part of the dream, being part of making it true felt good, it didn't feel a bit like I was being corrupted. On the contrary.


Never? Wow. I always just assumed everyone had them to some degree.

It took me some doing to get my husbands fantasies out. He always stated he didn't have them. So, I shared mine. We followed through with the more tame ones, the ones he would do, in hopes to open him up a bit more. He eventually did.
I didn't corrupt him. That would imply we were doing something wrong - we're not. My husband enjoys being part of my fantasies. He's the one that gets to make them become reality. We love doing that for each other.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 7:16:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kaimorea
Thus might be a weird question and way to deep since I don't know anyone here but here goes. I have some dark desires, and I'm pretty sure they stem from my screwed up childhood. And when I tell my bf these desires hes always up for trying them. But he never tells me he has any dark fantasies. Am I hurting him by having him spank me and tie me up if he wouldn't be into that if I hadn't brought it up?

The question in your title and the question in your OP are not the same one. My answers for them are (maybe) different.

1. No, I never worry about corrupting someone. I actually rather enjoy corrupting women -- where, by corrupting, I mean helping them realize fantasies for the first time, maybe even fantasies they didn't know they had until they allowed their minds to think in a particular direction. It's like a mental virgin fetish.

2. If you are uncomfortable about your own situation, could it be because your kink is not motivated from a place of health? Or maybe your kink is fine, and you're sexually contradicted, the way some gay men dislike their sexuality because of how they were raised. Something inside you is telling you, "This is wrong," but I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because what you're doing really is wrong for you or for him, or maybe you're just self-sabotaging. So my advice to you is to figure out which one it is. Best of luck.



Rasciallymisty -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 8:10:45 AM)

I say if it works then I would think he does not mind. Have you asked him if he has any dark fantasies and if he minds doing what you ask of him?? Maybe have a sit down and talk with him and see how he feels.

kar



chatterbox24 -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 8:23:59 AM)

Maybe never was a strong word, about having fantasies. I knew I liked men to be stronger, aggressive, and always had visions of bedroom scenes of that happening, but that seemed more of a preference then a fantasy to me. Just seems I was always playing a role in someone elses.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 8:24:51 AM)

~FRing it~

I think it really depends on how you see the word "corruption" when you apply it to your boyfriend. To me, it doesnt sound like he's feeling corrupted at all. He sounds like a willing participant. Corruption tends to carry a negative connotation. I personally enjoy being a little bit on the corrupted side myself [:)]

It's totally okay to have dark fantasies...and it's a great feeling when you have a partner you can share those fantasies with. And it's over the moon awesome when they are open minded to the idea of helping you satisfy them.

I do like what Red Magic said ^^^

Over the years I've been doing this, I've run into some who are able to use BDSM as a healthy outlet for overcoming bad experiences from the past. I've also unfortunately seen some use it as a means of continuing the victimization pattern they may have established internally from prior bad past experiences. Which are you? Only you can decide if this pertains to you or not. I'm only saying this because you mentioned you are pretty sure your desires stem from a screwed up childhood.



DesFIP -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 8:30:33 AM)

Firstly, I am not conflicted sexually. Therefore I do not think my desires are dark or corrupted. If you do, then I suggest you work on that problem first.

Secondly, I accept that I am not going to be compatible with everyone out there and therefore to better insure sexual compatibility I need to talk about my likes and dislikes prior to having sex. Since making someone think you love what they do in bed and then springing on them suddenly the fact that you are not satisfied is a nasty thing to do to an innocent person who did nothing wrong.

Thirdly, you need to sit down over coffee while fully dressed and talk to him. Tell him you have some fantasies you have never felt safe sharing and you need him not to attack you if he doesn't share them but to simply explain that he is not interested in that. Then tell him what you want. Ask for simple things, don't overwhelm him when he's not knowledgeable. Just say you would really like him to spank you, or you spank him.



OsideGirl -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 8:45:27 AM)

You've gotten some good advice.

Your BF may not be in a place where he feels comfortable about talking about his fantasies.

I am going to recommend a book: When Someone You Love is Kinky

It may help your situation.



MasterCaneman -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 8:48:52 AM)

Short answer: not in the least. If she's curious and willing, I have no quandary about introducing someone to the scene. That said, there were a couple good suggestions made. I'll follow up by saying to check out Resident Sadist's book list. Find one of his postings, it's at the bottom.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 9:03:37 AM)

I've heard more than one female say she didn't have fantasies. Then I ask what she thought about when she masturbated. Honey. that's your fantasy.

If you can't answer the question of what your fantasies are, at least for yourself, it's my opinion some self exploration is in order.

As for corrupting someone, of course I don't *worry* about it, that's the part I *like* - from both sides of the kneel.




lizi -> RE: Do you ever worry about.. corrupting someone? (5/8/2013 9:27:51 AM)

I don't think about anything or anyone when I masturbate, I just feel like doing it and then get the job done. I really don't fantasize, I never have. If I'm in a relationship, I think of the person I'm with and what we have done- that's as much fantasizing as I do- replaying the times we are intimate. Mostly it never goes back past the last time we were in bed. Once that person is out of my life, so are the thoughts of sex with them. It's like I don't remember that anymore. I don't do it on purpose, it just vanishes. I mean I can remember sex with them, but it loses any emotional input and isn't hawt anymore so therefore I don't waste time remembering it.

Things appeal to me and I'm enthusiastic about sex in general...if something to do in the bedroom is suggested to me I can say that sounds like fun, or not. I know what I like and what I don't like. I don't really need any self-exploration to figure any of that out.



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