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SeekingTrinity -> RE: Those swearing at people who cut off contact (5/9/2013 9:39:11 AM)
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ORIGINAL: alildifferent
I haven't yet been the victim of a swearing campaign due to cutting off someone I don't feel safe with but I'm curious what other submissives think about this.
I'm not submissive myself, but I'll go ahead and chime in with my $0.02 because I've received profanity laced insults after politely cutting off contact.
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Do you feel as the people who rant and rave often swearing profusely that people who cut off contact aren't truly submissive or slave oriented?
For me, it has little to do with the orientation of the person in question. After all, if we are meeting them initially on here...we only know their orientation based on the box they checked and what they say they are. There is no guarantee that the person on the other end of the line is a submissive, a slave, or some douchebag with entirely too much free time on their hands and wouldn't know what submission/slavery meant even if you smacked them upside the head with a Merriam-Webster dictionary...repeatedly.
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Or do you feel that these people aren't true dominants. They confuse being hot headed,desperate, and wanting their way with true domination. Dominants can't be expected to control people if they can't control even themselves?
Same can be said for the dominant met here online as I said above for the submissive/slave. The person may say they are dominant, but saying you are and actually being one are two different things. I agree that the first person a "true" dominant learns to master is him or herself first. If I can't control myself, that is a darn good indicator that I can't control you either. At least that is the way I feel it is for me anyway. For me personally when I was looking for someone, if they cut off contact for whatever reason...I wished them well in their search. I learned long ago that a feeling of compatibility was the best indicator of possible success with the other. It's as important that they feel Im compatible with them as it is for me to feel they are compatible with me. And if the other person wasn't feeling it, that did not give me license to act like a rude profanity filled asshat to them. But I learned long ago that if Im going to talk the dominant talk, Im also going to walk the dominant walk too.
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I believe that swearing and abuse does have uses in domination. But I believe it belongs between formal partners. Not prospective partners. When a slave or submissive takes a collar or adopts a roll of submissive or slave I believe their self esteem is a potential target. People with lower self esteem are easier to control or influence. Do I think it's necessary? Not really. I think you can control slaves with other options. Sexual orgasm addiction for instance. Hypnosis for those who influence easily. Light pain that doesn't do to much damage but hurts like blazes. Personally I don't find a preference for any of those methods or others I might not have thought about. But I do know when a person swears at and tries to blacklist someone they never even met who is obviously threatened by them, they come off as desperate to me and not in control.
I feel the same way. There is a time or place for it. I do drop f-bombs and say "shit, bitch, etc" at times whether its formal partners or friends and family, but I get the point you were making. I don't find the use of profanity directed at my partner to be a necessity. For us, it's an accessory...much like our collars, restraints, and implements. It adds to the ambience because its something we discussed as we established our dynamic. There is where he difference lays between two people getting to know each other online and when the actual work really begins when you meet in person, decide there is something there, and begin to establish your dynamic.
What you spoke about could be a number of things...from poor manners to someone mistakenly thinking that being a "weal true DOMINANT" means you act like a jackass with people. You don't get people to submit to you by you using force and rude behavior. You get them to want to submit to you by showing them that you are someone worthy of being submitted to. I'll preface that by saying that this may not be the view of every other dominant out there. This is just how I personally choose to roll.
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