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RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 1:43:53 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetomind

true. This world is new and i am excited. But i wont rush. or get into anything too soon. I just wondered if this was typical. That in these kind of realationships if to truly submit i need to let go of things like jealousy and possesiveness. I dont want to hold on to those feeling if they might be standing in the way of letting myself be a submissive.

Feeling possessive and jealous is how some people are wired.
I think letting go of those things can enhance personal happiness but the notion that all dominant partners will play with multiple people just because they can is untrue.

Submission is about submitting and that is tied into the willingness to submit.

Some unsolicited advice though:
Unless you want a relationship that is solely sexually based, you may want to re-think your profile photos.
They are not saying you want to take things slowly or you won't rush.

They are saying: Here I am for your sexual use.
Use me now!

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 21

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 1:44:58 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetomind

THese are all questions he answered that i asked. No red flag sitiuation. I ask lots of questions. He has been very open. I just havent liked all the answers. He has told me what he's looking for long term. Not the first time we meet. Think maybe we went offf topic a little.

Another off topic thing; you show your body off in your photos, big time and then you tell the male readers that you don't mind them admiring your body parts.

Then, you tell them not to react with "Nice rack" even though you just teased them by telling them about your G cups and how awesome they are.

That is what we call mixed messages to men.

You said you are looking for more. Showing and saying less about your body parts would back that up.

Not that you asked my opinion, but I gave it just the same.

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 22

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 1:45:25 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetomind

true. This world is new and i am excited. But i wont rush. or get into anything too soon. I just wondered if this was typical. That in these kind of realationships if to truly submit i need to let go of things like jealousy and possesiveness. I dont want to hold on to those feeling if they might be standing in the way of letting myself be a submissive.

I say this in the kindest of ways...what koolaid have you been drinking? What is this drivel about letting go of jealousy and possessiveness to let yourself be a submissive? Lets not forget that conveniently the man who seems to have proposed this notion to you stands to benefit from fucking someone on the side. How self serving of him to want you to reach your full potential

It's men like him that target noobs because they might get some ass.

I sure some people have attained their nirvana by letting go of their jealousy and possessiveness, and some say outright that they will never get to their full submissive potential by immersing themselves in a situation where they are battling those feelings. It really depends on the person. The people who live this lifestyle are all different and all do things differently, there is no hard and fast guide for what you "have" to do. Sit down, figure out what makes you happy, and go get it. Don't let predators try to convince you otherwise, they're just out to get something for themselves. This is all no different than high school dating 101. How did you deal with the horny football players back in the day that wanted to get laid and you weren't ready for that? If one of them came up and said that they screw Susie every Tuesday, and they want you around for Friday - would you find that acceptable?

You have your pick of the men here. Why would you entertain the thought of being someone's second sidepiece if you want to be the main course? Is he married? Sounds like it - he won't meet you? What's up with that? He could be married with his fuck on the side and now you too. Why are you limiting yourself right out of the gate with someone that is giving you a smaller portion of his life if that is not what you want?

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 23

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 1:45:39 PM

teachmetomind

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/5/2013
Status: offline

well thank for all the input...i think i should tame my eagerness and keep looking

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 24

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 1:47:39 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Don't forget to hang out on this side and post some. There's a lot of nice folks.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 25

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 1:48:48 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetomind

THese are all questions he answered that i asked. No red flag sitiuation. I ask lots of questions. He has been very open. I just havent liked all the answers. He has told me what he's looking for long term. Not the first time we meet. Think maybe we went offf topic a little.

I don't think we went off topic at all actually.

Then may I ask you why you are asking someone you have never met if they want to own you? Asking a lot of questions is good, I do that myself. I can't see though asking someone I literally just met if they would train me and keep me.

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 26

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 1:52:36 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I do hope you come back OP. I hope I didn't come off as being too blunt. You really have no idea how very many men are out there looking for what you have to offer, I'd love for you to be selective and find your bliss instead of settling for what someone talks you into. Good luck with things.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 27

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 2:15:24 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Best piece of advice I can give you is to figure out what you are looking for in your BDSM connection with someone else...then search accordingly. Not everyone is wired to share. If you can't be comfortable with it, no sense in settling for what isn't totally right for you at the risk of missing out on finding a situation that is right for you.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 28

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 2:20:21 PM

Rasciallymisty

Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

LOL you and I have already chatted and I told you my thoughts, as now others have echoed also. Its still a thought even though the girls are nice to show off. Here on this site it really will bring out the wankers...the reason I took all my photos like that down.

LOL no running and boncing hugs.

kar

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 29

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 2:36:33 PM

teachmetomind

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/5/2013
Status: offline

Thanks I think some of you Kinda sorta answwred my actual question.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 30

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 2:41:22 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

And slick, the getting to know you can be a real personal investment, and especially with the shit running thru your head, wow; could this really be happening and could this be this easy? And you turn off the little grown up woman panty starch blocker that some have a little too much of and others not enough of.

Trust, but verify, and invest as much emotion as will be wiped away by a 3-4 glass of wine night until it gets really really really close to face to face, if not actual actual actual face to face, you will be wrung out enough from that.

But you have mad skillz and will get there.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 31

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 2:54:42 PM

teachmetomind

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/5/2013
Status: offline

okay okay...you guys can really read into stuff. Missing things I said though. And no never said hey everybody what do ya think of my pics. Jeeze nevermind ill look for answerd somewhere else. The only question I had was If jealousy is counter productive to submission. Now ive got people worried im so new or stupid id go get drunk with a stranger.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 32

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 2:56:25 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

If you refer to me, your comprehension lacks.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 33

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 3:13:54 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

no never said hey everybody what do ya think of my pics.

I liked some of your pictures very much. However, since you are looking for a relationship in which you won't be jealous, I agree with others who said that you should remove the naked ones.

quote:

The only question I had was If jealousy is counter productive to submission.

I wouldn't submit to someone who gave me cause to be jealous.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 34

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 3:17:39 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetomind

true. This world is new and i am excited. But i wont rush. or get into anything too soon. I just wondered if this was typical. That in these kind of realationships if to truly submit i need to let go of things like jealousy and possesiveness. I dont want to hold on to those feeling if they might be standing in the way of letting myself be a submissive.

quote:

okay okay...you guys can really read into stuff. Missing things I said though. And no never said hey everybody what do ya think of my pics. Jeeze nevermind ill look for answerd somewhere else. The only question I had was If jealousy is counter productive to submission. Now ive got people worried im so new or stupid id go get drunk with a stranger.

Gee, you were doing so well before the flounce. Oh well.

Somewhere you got the idea that to be submissive you MUST be open to your partner having other partners. It's complete bullshit. What you want from a partner in the vanilla world is no different than in the BDSM world. There is just some kink and power exchange thrown in. So if you wouldn't be in an open vanilla relationship, you don't have to expect or worse settle, for an open or poly BDSM relationship (and yes they are different).

Now for your second comment...

You don't HAVE to say, "what do ya think of my pics." You put your tits out there (several times) for all the world to see. That screams "look at my tits!" Sorry if you don't understand that.

People here are trying to help you find a meaningful relationship which your profile says you are looking for. The reality is that so many newbies come here and think that in order to attract a guy, they need to show the goods. Well, this is just like high school, show slutty pictures, people will treat you like a slut. No, your pictures were "slutty" per se, but they were definitely an attempt to make sure potential partners saw the goods.

All we are telling you is if you choose to do that, then you will attract a different type of man than if you just had those nice pics where you are clothed. The difference? You are already talking to one. A guy who is willing to play with a married woman (he ain't her dominant either, he has no control beyond the moments they play). You will get the other guys who are instantly thinking about you sexually. If that is what you want, go for it, and good luck.

We are TRYING to give you some advice on how to get what you want. But since you have attitude and don't like someone saying that your G cups aren't the best thing to lead with...go figure it the fuck out for yourself.

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 35

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 3:23:37 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetomind

okay okay...you guys can really read into stuff. Missing things I said though. And no never said hey everybody what do ya think of my pics. Jeeze nevermind ill look for answerd somewhere else.

You're right, you never asked. But, you were given the benefit of our experiences.

So, yeah, go flounce off because someone dared to give you advice based on years of experience.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 36

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 3:33:14 PM

teachmetomind

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/5/2013
Status: offline

Next time i wanna ask hey all you experienced subs, what do you think of my profile ill know where to find you.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 37

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 3:40:41 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

it is unsconcious, not unconscience. although it may be rooted in your conscience and not your conscious.

thats about all there is to say. Massive tits and ass on you though. I don't think the smile is real.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 5/9/2013 3:42:03 PM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 38

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 3:55:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetomind
okay okay...you guys can really read into stuff. Missing things I said though. And no never said hey everybody what do ya think of my pics. Jeeze nevermind ill look for answerd somewhere else. The only question I had was If jealousy is counter productive to submission. Now ive got people worried im so new or stupid id go get drunk with a stranger.

Hon, there is no way on this planet you are going to convince Me that you aren't used to some people noticing your breasts rather than listening to what's coming out of your mouth.

OK. Moving on.........

Is jealousy counter productive to submission?

It can be. If you are thinking of getting involved with somebody who is poly (which it sounds like he is) and you are the jealous type, you've got a recipe for disaster. Jealousy can rip up any kind of relationship.

Which leads into the other advice I'm going to give you. This "whole new world" thing that you've got going can also be counter productive. Basic life stuff still applies. If this guy wasn't a "Daddy" and he was just a man, would you be cool with him dating other women while he's dating you? That's where your answer lies.

The best advice around this joint when a person is new is to examine things without the kink colored glasses on. Don't check your head (or your common sense) at the door. You'll save yourself some hurt.

Good luck.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to teachmetomind)

Post #: 39

RE: trouble letting go - 5/9/2013 4:05:30 PM

teachmetomind

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/5/2013
Status: offline

Thank you. That was my gut feeling too. Thats why I asked.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 40

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