Any guidance would be helpful. (Full Version)

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SirKelvar -> Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 1:42:49 PM)

I have trouble when selecting a potential prospect finding those that are submissive I tend to up with crazy psycho top women who think they are subs....am I perhaps falling for the top woman's assertiveness and misinterpreting the shyness and respect and perhaps slight level of a fear a sub feels when approach a dominant male? What should I look for any help would be most appreciated.



OsideGirl -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 1:47:53 PM)

There is no concrete set of traits for submissives.

But, I will say that if you keep choosing the same type of woman over and over again, you need to take a step back and figure out what it is about you that keeps making those choices.



sexyred1 -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 1:49:41 PM)

I don't understand your point. You are falling for women who say they are submissive but end up being Tops?

In which case, whose shyness, respect and slight level of fear are you referring to? Are these Top women behaving that way because they think they need to and then they are revealing they are not really submissive?

Confused.



zpenguin -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 1:55:18 PM)

I used to have this same issue. Generally from my experience the assertive ones have an inner Top/Dom personality but have submissive tendencies. I found that the shy, timid ones are a safe bet. Thats how I found my lovely. :)



poise -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 2:00:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKelvar
am I perhaps falling for the top woman's assertiveness and misinterpreting
the shyness and respect and perhaps slight level of a fear a
sub feels when approach a dominant male? What should I look for any help would be
most appreciated.

I'm just as confused as you are, because your profile clearly states you are looking for a sub or switch,
a switch being someone who could submit or bottom, or dominate or top.
Therefore, why would you be disappointed in attracting someone who can fulfill either role?



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 4:33:44 PM)

The one thing all your relationships have in common is you. Where are you finding these "crazy psycho top women who think they are subs"?



lizi -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 5:00:15 PM)

I have to say, there would be a lot of deep introspection if the people I was choosing for partners tended to fall into the category of crazy psycho anything...

I'm just shooting in the dark here, but are you being selective at all or going after anyone who shows an interest?



ThundersCry54 -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 5:56:05 PM)

You have *Sir* in front of your name...you dont know?

Good luck in finding what you seek...

Welcome to the boards...



RemoteUser -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 9:33:12 PM)

Psychotics need crotch-humping love, too.

Think of it as your contribution to the general populace.



myotherself -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 11:03:06 PM)

How long do you spend getting to know these women before you move onto D/s?

Anyone can proclaim themselves submissive, just as anyone can proclaim themselves dominant. You only get to know if their submission complements your dominance if you get to know the person.

To most people I don't come across as particularly submissive. I tend to be courteous, friendly and polite, but also very self-confident. I find that my own submission is 'triggered' by very few people. I have dated dominants who were nice guys, but totally uninspiring to me. It took a long time to find the right man for me, and

Maybe slow down, get to know these women as people first, and only when you've both figured each other out a little, try adding D/s into the mix.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/9/2013 11:36:31 PM)

I'm going to type words I've typed, here, before.

In my experience, many times newbies come into the lifestyle and for whatever reason, "seasoned veterans" will "help" them realize that just because they're masochists, must mean they're submissives.

Well, to employ one of my favorite expressions: That turd won't flush.

I'm not going to pretend to know what makes people tick; especially when I don't know them but, I can promise you that one can be masochistic without being submissive.

Conversely; one can be sadistic without being a dominant. I think you can probably go ahead and figure out the rest of the possible permutations.

I hope this has been helpful.



Peace and comfort,



Michael



DesFIP -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/10/2013 8:32:07 PM)

If you repeatedly pick people who are not good partners for you and who share a set of traits, you need to do some soul searching as to why these women are so attractive to you. And then change that.

Because the only common denominator in all your relationships is you.



LafayetteLady -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/10/2013 8:56:22 PM)

I think age plays a big part into it as well. I don't disagree that his picker is off, but his age doesn't help matters.



FrostedFlake -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/10/2013 9:23:13 PM)

Try being a prick. That'l weed out the psycho babes

No, ...hold on...



DesFIP -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/11/2013 8:28:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I think age plays a big part into it as well. I don't disagree that his picker is off, but his age doesn't help matters.



I don't know LL. I didn't pick crazy people at that age. Nor did I pick people who I wasn't compatible with and then call them names. I find, at any age, that the more healthy you yourself are, the more likely you'll find yourself a healthy partner. As much because healthy people don't choose unhealthy ones.

He takes no responsibility for not being a great partner, nor any for the women he goes for. He blames them for it all. That doesn't sound healthy to me.



alildifferent -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/12/2013 8:31:26 PM)

I wonder if part of the problem might not be a bit of gender confusion. A lot of men assume women are bitching when they tell them about things they don't like or agree with. Actually what some of these "bitches" might be doing is opening up to you. Think of it like this. I once heard a story about a woman who told her husband her boss kept grabbing her ass and she wished he'd stop. The husband went to her workplace and punched her boss out. He told his wife that her boss would never touch her again and oh...she no longer worked there. Expecting her to be greatful he gets confused and angry when she's furious with him. All she really wanted to hear was something along the lines of " I know your a resourceful and inteligent woman who will find a solution to this problem. I am however sorry that you don't like the situation your in." It also helps helps when you repeat something back to her using a slightly different vocabulary to show her your truly listening to her. Like "Let me make sure I heard you right. Your boss is touching you in ways you don't like? What can I do to help?" I find a woman whether submissive or dominant likes to communicate with someone who they believe is truly listening to them. This is just a guess of course your individual case may be different.



DarkSteven -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/12/2013 8:55:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKelvar

I tend to up with crazy psycho top women who think they are subs


I have no idea what this means. Does it mean that they whisper to you "I've always wondered what it might be like to be a Domme," or does it mean that they tell you to jump in a lake and leave or they'll call the police? What exactly makes you think they're being psycho tops?



theRose4U -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/12/2013 10:14:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

The one thing all your relationships have in common is you. Where are you finding these "crazy psycho top women who think they are subs"?

$5 says craigslist



littlewonder -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/12/2013 10:58:49 PM)

$5 says he's just not getting fucked.



MasterCaneman -> RE: Any guidance would be helpful. (5/13/2013 9:47:38 AM)

Ouch. And probably right. OP, I hate to say it, but a lot of women in the scene that I've met/interacted with fit the description of your 'potentials'. I'm not saying it fits every woman into kink, just the ones I was with. It was how I met them in the first place, and the sooner you realize that, the easier it'll get.

OP, please elaborate on how you meet them, online or RL? Do you go out into your local scene or are you waiting for Ms. Right to appear in your inbox? In online, how do you respond/interact? And as compared to an everyday vanilla interaction? I'll be honest, I have more experience in RL than online, simply because my scene days were before it became a major driving force, but I made numerous connections merely by approaching them on a human level, rather than as a dominant/master/top.

And what little wonder has in their signature line is very true. What's your track record in that arena? Not flaming you, but that has a very real impact on finding a partner willing to indulge in the scene.




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