Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 7:14:48 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I made an observation in one of My responses on the "Loss of Control" thread. Here is the quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If I had to take a stab at it, I think the top three reasons that I read about relationships ending on these boards would be dishonesty, cheating, and lost trust.

Now I'm wondering if that is an accurate observation or not. I'm not asking anyone to rehash their last dynamic or anything like that. I'd just like to get some input.

Do you agree with the observation?

Have you ended a dynamic for one of those three reasons?

If you haven't, would you be willing to share the reason you did end the dynamic?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 7:18:43 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I would add to that, the itch for fresh eyes. I have known quite a few people who decide after several years that they need someone to respark their desire.
None of my relationships ended due to dishonesty, cheating, or lack of trust.
Mostly they just withered due to different paths. Or I left them because I was not the best situation for their life at the time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I made an observation in one of My responses on the "Loss of Control" thread. Here is the quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If I had to take a stab at it, I think the top three reasons that I read about relationships ending on these boards would be dishonesty, cheating, and lost trust.

Now I'm wondering if that is an accurate observation or not. I'm not asking anyone to rehash their last dynamic or anything like that. I'd just like to get some input.

Do you agree with the observation?

Have you ended a dynamic for one of those three reasons?

If you haven't, would you be willing to share the reason you did end the dynamic?

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 5/9/2013 7:20:23 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 7:21:07 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

We both grew...but in different directions. There was still "love", just not "in love".

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 7:22:13 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Mine ended on all three reasons.

He was dishonest about his feelings for another that was only supposed to be his fucktoy. He cheated emotionally on me with her which meant I also lost trust in him.

I'm not so sure I agree with that is the majority of the reasons. I think the big reason is that people jump into relationships before they know the person because their genitals talk for them and they are so frenzied about wanting to dominate or submit.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 7:31:23 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

My last (not the current one Im in now) ended for all 3 reasons as well. He was dishonest and he cheated. Which caused me to lose trust. And I couldnt (and still cant) be with someone like that

I too am not so sure these are the top reasons dynamics end. They are big reasons though. I think that a lack of compatability is an even bigger factor in the breakdown of a relationship...BDSM or vanilla

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 5/9/2013 7:43:30 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 7:40:07 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

1 and 3 apply for the last two relationships I've had.

I've never broken up with somebody for the second one. But then again, I haven't been in a relationship where monogamy was an expectation since I was 16.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 8:56:22 PM

littleclip

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline

dishonesty from not admitting to the truth of jealousy and control issues has been known to happen that in turn leads to loss of trust. it goes back to having honest open communication not just talking but reciving input and observations without fear or anger.
just my 2 bits worth

_____________________________

currently owned by LadyAthena15805
i will always come to the call of those i love

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 7

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 9:42:14 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I made an observation in one of My responses on the "Loss of Control" thread. Here is the quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If I had to take a stab at it, I think the top three reasons that I read about relationships ending on these boards would be dishonesty, cheating, and lost trust.

Now I'm wondering if that is an accurate observation or not. I'm not asking anyone to rehash their last dynamic or anything like that. I'd just like to get some input.

Do you agree with the observation?

Have you ended a dynamic for one of those three reasons?

If you haven't, would you be willing to share the reason you did end the dynamic?

I can't say I pay enough attention to this board to talk specifically about the people on it. In my experience, those aren't the reasons most relationships break up. Some of those things can be the symptoms. But the real reasons tend to be dissimilar values, loss of interest/physical desire, and basically just not really liking the other person enough.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 10:14:05 PM

MarineKitten

Posts: 68
Joined: 12/21/2012
Status: offline

Actually we had to stop our dynamic due to distance and time. We just weren't getting the time with each other to carry on our D/s dynamic. He was over worked, and stressed all the time. There was nothing I could do, but break off our relationship. We are still best friends, and even FWB (when we get the chance), but time and travel still stand in our way. We haven't given up on having a future with one another, we just know that it won't be any time soon.

I cannot speak for the board, simply because I have not been around long enough to make an observation. However, I can speak for myself, and that it what I have done.

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 9

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 10:17:24 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

My previous D/s relationship ended because we had different goals in life that directly conflicted with each other. It's the main reason why I refuse to waste time on people who are iffy about the next few years. (Collage grads are a good example. They want to play, but then move and where does that leave me?)

The D/s stuff I've tried maintaining within my current relationship has failed for many reasons but nothing to do with cheating. Dishonesty and lack of trust have small parts to play but they aren't relationship killers, just symptoms of a struggling relationship that's been long distance most of it's life. Some of the 'many reasons' were lack of clear communication, lack of support, lack of desire, lack of time, lack of interest, frustration with the way things were going generally, unrealistic expectations, confusion and lack of clarification, no common goal or direction.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 10

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 11:01:40 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

My marriage ended when I realized it was abusive.

My last M/s relationship ended due to dishonesty on many levels, which had a larger ripple effect.

In both relationships, I was not honest with myself, which was probably the biggest reason they did not work out.

I really think self-dishonesty is a big culprit in relationships that don't work. We (figuratively) want something to be a certain way so badly we convince ourselves that it is. But it isn't. Then the truth unfolds down the road and we're faced with it, and have decisions to make.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 11:14:04 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

In a way, they are all kind of the same thing. Someone who is cheating is being dishonest, and you can't trust someone who is dishonest.

None of my relationships ended for those reasons. My ex husband was emotionally abusive. Other relationships ended because we just seemed to be seeking different things from a relationship.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 11:26:46 PM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
Status: offline

I know I haven't posted for a long time, but I thought I would chime in on this one. My last relationship ended because I lost trust in him on several levels. After the relationship ended and I moved back to my hometown, I found out that he had been dishonest and cheated. After I found this out, a lot of things made more sense and helped to explain the loss of trust.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 13

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 11:26:58 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

My last relationship ended due to:

1. not being compatible in any area other than sex
2. trying to change the other person to be what we needed, rather than what we wanted
3. he lied and cheated out of frustration that we could not get along, I dated out of a desire to find someone who wanted all of me, not just the sexual part.
4. lack of communication on his part
5. he says he loves me, but his actions never backed that up. So of course, I lost all trust in him forever.

Sadly, this whole enterprise took many, many years to get out of.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 5/9/2013 11:29:45 PM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 14

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/9/2013 11:46:58 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

I don't know that "cheating" and "dishonesty" are two different things, really. I certainly believe that the first falls under the umbrella of the second.

Having said that, I think dishonesty is about the only reason I've ended a relationship in a long time. Other issues can be talked about and worked out. Dishonesty is a character flaw that doesn't go away overnight and it's poison to any human interaction (as far as I'm concerned).

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 15

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/10/2013 12:09:09 AM

littleclip

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline

yes things can be worked out and discussed but if theres a issue not discused then it cant be worked out this has been the root of ending many relationships vanilia or not. jealousy not dealt with can be nearly as bad

_____________________________

currently owned by LadyAthena15805
i will always come to the call of those i love

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 16

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/10/2013 7:20:30 AM

MsEloquence

Posts: 72
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

Fast reply.

Incompatibility ended my past relationships.

Either we developed or discovered the issues over time.

_____________________________

Eloquence

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 17

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/10/2013 7:50:10 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

This is totally off topic but I am a nosey news hound. Why is lilchip always awaiting approval at all the threads I see? I have never noticed that before, so much with posters.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to MsEloquence)

Post #: 18

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/10/2013 8:02:27 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

It means he is on moderation for what ever reason.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 19

RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread - 5/10/2013 11:27:28 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Do you agree with the observation?

My last didnt end for any of those reasons. He was honest. There was no cheating as there was no commitment. I trusted him completely.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125