Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread

Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 7:14:48 PM)
I made an observation in one of My responses on the "Loss of Control" thread. Here is the quote: quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact If I had to take a stab at it, I think the top three reasons that I read about relationships ending on these boards would be dishonesty, cheating, and lost trust. Now I'm wondering if that is an accurate observation or not. I'm not asking anyone to rehash their last dynamic or anything like that. I'd just like to get some input. Do you agree with the observation? Have you ended a dynamic for one of those three reasons? If you haven't, would you be willing to share the reason you did end the dynamic?

Missokyst -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 7:18:43 PM)
I would add to that, the itch for fresh eyes. I have known quite a few people who decide after several years that they need someone to respark their desire. None of my relationships ended due to dishonesty, cheating, or lack of trust. Mostly they just withered due to different paths. Or I left them because I was not the best situation for their life at the time. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I made an observation in one of My responses on the "Loss of Control" thread. Here is the quote: quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact If I had to take a stab at it, I think the top three reasons that I read about relationships ending on these boards would be dishonesty, cheating, and lost trust. Now I'm wondering if that is an accurate observation or not. I'm not asking anyone to rehash their last dynamic or anything like that. I'd just like to get some input. Do you agree with the observation? Have you ended a dynamic for one of those three reasons? If you haven't, would you be willing to share the reason you did end the dynamic?

OttersSwim -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 7:21:07 PM)
We both grew...but in different directions. There was still "love", just not "in love".

littlewonder -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 7:22:13 PM)
Mine ended on all three reasons. He was dishonest about his feelings for another that was only supposed to be his fucktoy. He cheated emotionally on me with her which meant I also lost trust in him. I'm not so sure I agree with that is the majority of the reasons. I think the big reason is that people jump into relationships before they know the person because their genitals talk for them and they are so frenzied about wanting to dominate or submit.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 7:31:23 PM)
~FRing it~ My last (not the current one Im in now) ended for all 3 reasons as well. He was dishonest and he cheated. Which caused me to lose trust. And I couldnt (and still cant) be with someone like that I too am not so sure these are the top reasons dynamics end. They are big reasons though. I think that a lack of compatability is an even bigger factor in the breakdown of a relationship...BDSM or vanilla

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 7:40:07 PM)
1 and 3 apply for the last two relationships I've had. I've never broken up with somebody for the second one. But then again, I haven't been in a relationship where monogamy was an expectation since I was 16.

littleclip -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 8:56:22 PM)
dishonesty from not admitting to the truth of jealousy and control issues has been known to happen that in turn leads to loss of trust. it goes back to having honest open communication not just talking but reciving input and observations without fear or anger. just my 2 bits worth

seekingreality -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 9:42:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I made an observation in one of My responses on the "Loss of Control" thread. Here is the quote: quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact If I had to take a stab at it, I think the top three reasons that I read about relationships ending on these boards would be dishonesty, cheating, and lost trust. Now I'm wondering if that is an accurate observation or not. I'm not asking anyone to rehash their last dynamic or anything like that. I'd just like to get some input. Do you agree with the observation? Have you ended a dynamic for one of those three reasons? If you haven't, would you be willing to share the reason you did end the dynamic? I can't say I pay enough attention to this board to talk specifically about the people on it. In my experience, those aren't the reasons most relationships break up. Some of those things can be the symptoms. But the real reasons tend to be dissimilar values, loss of interest/physical desire, and basically just not really liking the other person enough.

MarineKitten -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 10:14:05 PM)
Actually we had to stop our dynamic due to distance and time. We just weren't getting the time with each other to carry on our D/s dynamic. He was over worked, and stressed all the time. There was nothing I could do, but break off our relationship. We are still best friends, and even FWB (when we get the chance), but time and travel still stand in our way. We haven't given up on having a future with one another, we just know that it won't be any time soon. I cannot speak for the board, simply because I have not been around long enough to make an observation. However, I can speak for myself, and that it what I have done.

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 10:17:24 PM)
My previous D/s relationship ended because we had different goals in life that directly conflicted with each other. It's the main reason why I refuse to waste time on people who are iffy about the next few years. (Collage grads are a good example. They want to play, but then move and where does that leave me?) The D/s stuff I've tried maintaining within my current relationship has failed for many reasons but nothing to do with cheating. Dishonesty and lack of trust have small parts to play but they aren't relationship killers, just symptoms of a struggling relationship that's been long distance most of it's life. Some of the 'many reasons' were lack of clear communication, lack of support, lack of desire, lack of time, lack of interest, frustration with the way things were going generally, unrealistic expectations, confusion and lack of clarification, no common goal or direction.

NuevaVida -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 11:01:40 PM)
My marriage ended when I realized it was abusive. My last M/s relationship ended due to dishonesty on many levels, which had a larger ripple effect. In both relationships, I was not honest with myself, which was probably the biggest reason they did not work out. I really think self-dishonesty is a big culprit in relationships that don't work. We (figuratively) want something to be a certain way so badly we convince ourselves that it is. But it isn't. Then the truth unfolds down the road and we're faced with it, and have decisions to make.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 11:14:04 PM)
In a way, they are all kind of the same thing. Someone who is cheating is being dishonest, and you can't trust someone who is dishonest. None of my relationships ended for those reasons. My ex husband was emotionally abusive. Other relationships ended because we just seemed to be seeking different things from a relationship.

winspiritsbaby -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 11:26:46 PM)
I know I haven't posted for a long time, but I thought I would chime in on this one. My last relationship ended because I lost trust in him on several levels. After the relationship ended and I moved back to my hometown, I found out that he had been dishonest and cheated. After I found this out, a lot of things made more sense and helped to explain the loss of trust.

sexyred1 -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 11:26:58 PM)
My last relationship ended due to: 1. not being compatible in any area other than sex 2. trying to change the other person to be what we needed, rather than what we wanted 3. he lied and cheated out of frustration that we could not get along, I dated out of a desire to find someone who wanted all of me, not just the sexual part. 4. lack of communication on his part 5. he says he loves me, but his actions never backed that up. So of course, I lost all trust in him forever. Sadly, this whole enterprise took many, many years to get out of.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/9/2013 11:46:58 PM)
I don't know that "cheating" and "dishonesty" are two different things, really. I certainly believe that the first falls under the umbrella of the second. Having said that, I think dishonesty is about the *only* reason I've ended a relationship in a long time. Other issues can be talked about and worked out. Dishonesty is a character flaw that doesn't go away overnight and it's poison to any human interaction (as far as I'm concerned). Peace and comfort, Michael

littleclip -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/10/2013 12:09:09 AM)
yes things can be worked out and discussed but if theres a issue not discused then it cant be worked out this has been the root of ending many relationships vanilia or not. jealousy not dealt with can be nearly as bad

MsEloquence -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/10/2013 7:20:30 AM)
Fast reply. Incompatibility ended my past relationships. Either we developed or discovered the issues over time.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/10/2013 7:50:10 AM)
This is totally off topic but I am a nosey news hound. Why is lilchip always awaiting approval at all the threads I see? I have never noticed that before, so much with posters.

Missokyst -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/10/2013 8:02:27 AM)
It means he is on moderation for what ever reason.

tazzygirl -> RE: Spin off from the "Loss of Control" thread (5/10/2013 11:27:28 AM)
quote: Do you agree with the observation? My last didnt end for any of those reasons. He was honest. There was no cheating as there was no commitment. I trusted him completely.

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