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The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/9/2013 9:59:42 PM

Duskypearls

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It is with permission by the author, username Neolloydia on FL, that I post this remarkable post.

https://fetlife.com/users/1333538/posts/1550196

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 5/9/2013 10:00:02 PM >

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/9/2013 10:21:47 PM

MarineKitten

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Oh my gosh yes! Everything she has suggested are things that I do. I had to love and comment on her journal, it is wonderful advice.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 7:19:03 PM

Duskypearls

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BTW, the author of the post has given me permission to link w/her any sub needing information or support. Here were her actual words to me:

""You can also link people to my profile here as I accept all friend requests, and have other writings that may be helpful for newbies.""

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 8:03:59 PM

WebWanderer

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From: Fort Worth, TX
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Heh... I'm still working on #4. ("Seek a few casual play partners and fwb that you click with over a 'one and only love for eternity.'”)

I know I'm probably in a minority on this, but personally, I'm not in it for the sex (or, by extension, friends with benefits) and I'm not the type of person who can juggle several "casual" relationships. I guess it must be that damned Old World (really, really Old World haha) upbringing of mine...

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 8:10:52 PM

FrostedFlake

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From: Centralia, Washington
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Wow. That was so ...long.

Thank god it mentioned pizza.

Whoops. Forgot to capitalize god.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 8:25:34 PM

DesFIP

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I had no trouble being honest about what I wanted and required in a relationship. No con artists. Because I'm not stupid and desperate.
I had no problem pouring out my heart to him before we met, and him to me.
I was totally uninterested in a fwb and held out for a true partner. As did he.

I guess I should tell him that I did it all wrong but as we're going on ten years that seems sort of foolish.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 8:35:17 PM

littlewonder

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The moment I saw the word "subbie" I couldn't be bothered to read it.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 8:54:35 PM

LafayetteLady

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Yea, that word irks the shit out of me. Enough that if a guy writes to me using that term, I won't converse with him any more. I haven't analyzed why it irks me, and don't care what the reason, it just does.

Personally, I completely disagree with her number 4. If a person doesn't want to play casually, I see no reason why they should feel like they should. I have nothing against those that do, it works for them, great. For me, I don't want a casual play partner, and nothing anyone says will change my mind.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 9:13:21 PM

littlewonder

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I hate it because it is condescending and it makes subs out to be those fragile, little creatures that we all are.

It's like the men who go around calling all women sweetie and honey and babe. It's simply rude.

When I have men who call me a subbie, I usually respond back with "dommy". For some odd reason, they never write back.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 10:24:13 PM

NuevaVida

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I admit, Dusky, the "subbie" word - both in the title and laden throughout the article - was quite a turnoff for me.

The article was very long, and really did not apply to me, so I just skimmed.

#7 in particular caught my attention: "Find vanilla ways to supplement your bdsm urges." When I was single I didn't have BDSM urges. I actually didn't even have a desire to be in a relationship, for that matter; I was perfectly happy with my life as it was. But the whole BDSM/submission thing really only comes into place with me when I'm in a committed, intimate relationship. I just naturally go there. Outside of a committed, intimate relationship it doesn't factor into my world.

I know articles like these can be really helpful to some people, and not helpful at all to others. I am sure she wrote this with the greatest of intentions; it just doesn't apply to me at all, even if I were single.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/10/2013 10:41:16 PM

sexyred1

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Same here. HATE the word subbie; it is offensive.

While the writer had good intentions in mind, I find many of the suggestions to be more than obvious.

And like others, suggesting that you do casual play and FWB's is the way, is HER opinion. I don't feel that way.

I also don't sublimate my BDSM urges in vanilla activities. I actually have vanilla interests; BDSM is not my entire being.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 2:00:08 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Same here. HATE the word subbie; it is offensive.

While the writer had good intentions in mind, I find many of the suggestions to be more than obvious.

And like others, suggesting that you do casual play and FWB's is the way, is HER opinion. I don't feel that way.

I also don't sublimate my BDSM urges in vanilla activities. I actually have vanilla interests; BDSM is not my entire being.

Sadly, you must admit that there have been many new people who need those *obvious* suggestions. I think the whole "vanilla interest" thing is more a matter for those who are new and have that whole "sub frenzy" thing going where they are desperate to try all the *new* stuff they just discovered. Kind of like a guy taking a cold shower when he gets all hot and bothered but isn't going to get sex.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 3:22:34 AM

DaddySatyr

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I despise the words "subbie" or "sub". To be fair, I despise the words "submissive" or "dominant" when used to replace the words: "lady" or "man".

I am NOT a dominant and I don't have inter-personal relationships with submissives. I am a man who is dominant who has relationships with ladies that are submissive.

I think when people use even (what some might call) the less offensive words, they desensitize - even dehumanize people who happen to have submissive or dominant traits (or personalities, if you will).

To paraphrase and expand on what someone has already said: when a lady writes to me, talking about "I'm looking for a dom that can ..." or "I hope you're the type of dom that I can ...", I either ignore them completely or I send a reply along the lines of: "Good luck finding that perfect dom. When you're looking for a man, please let me know".

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 5/11/2013 3:26:17 AM >

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 3:33:36 AM

SlightlyScared

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

To paraphrase and expand on what someone has already said: when a lady writes to me, talking about "I'm looking for a dom that can ..." or "I hope you're the type of dom that I can ...", I either ignore them completely or I send a reply along the lines of: "Good like finding that perfect dom. When you're looking for a man, please let me know".

You know, I was wondering why those kinds of messages were bothering me (of the I'm looking for a sub etc variety) and this is exactly it.

From the article "Exorcise a modicum of common sense." damn but do I hope she means exercise.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 5:47:12 AM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The moment I saw the word "subbie" I couldn't be bothered to read it.

Me too!!!

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 6:00:16 AM

ARIES83

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I say subbie sometimes... Whats so bad sounding
about it?? It just seems like a lighthearted way of
saying it to me...

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 6:03:39 AM

CoSubGirl

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So if "subbie" is cute and fun, "dommie" is appropriate too, right?

If you don't think so, then you get why some of us don't like "subbie" :)

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 6:48:00 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I say subbie sometimes... Whats so bad sounding
about it?? It just seems like a lighthearted way of
saying it to me...

It is ridiculously condescending. It's not cute to me at all.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 7:24:18 AM

Kana

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Cripes, whatta page full of ubersensitive subbies.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 8:52:04 AM

CoSubGirl

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