RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the lifestyle?

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RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/12/2013 8:43:04 PM

SomethingCatchy

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A year. There's no secret to it. We just did what we wanted and it worked very well until our lives took us different directions.

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Post #: 41

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/12/2013 11:18:22 PM

LafayetteLady

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From: Northern New Jersey
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About 15 years, we knew each other for over 20 years. It ended, it hurt tremendously, but it was for the best. We both were always really looking and hoping for different things from life.

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Post #: 42

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/13/2013 4:43:27 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I don't look at it in terms of in or out of the whatthefuckever. It's about relationships, period. Next month Generic Dude and I will have been married 23 years. To say the relationship has evolved over that 23 years would be an understatement of the first order.

The women that have been in my life, the relationships have never 'ended', they also evolved. Even when Jem died, I didn't think of the relationship as over. When Amelia Grace and I redefined the nature of our relationship, the friendship and emotional intimacy continued. I've not heard from her in well over a year but were she to call, there would be the same easy chatting as always.

I don't understand the inability to remain on good terms with important people in our lives. Just because some aspects are not working doesn't mean the end of a relationship TO ME. It just means we have to work out different expectations of what the relationship is.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/13/2013 4:44:14 AM >

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Post #: 43

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/13/2013 6:13:13 AM

NuevaVida

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~ Fast Reply ~

4 years just this month.

We love each other, accept each other, and are true to ourselves. We look at issues as the "enemy" not each other (in other words, we don't turn on each other when problems arise; we confront the issue together, from the same side of the table). We can talk openly about anything, and we listen to each other. And we both think the other is pretty damn cool.

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Post #: 44

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/16/2013 2:45:27 PM

ThundersCry54

Posts: 71
Joined: 5/6/2013
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In the beginning I served a leather mistress...I had alot to learn, it was high protocal and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done...it lasted 3 years and I walked away, we had went as far as we were going to go, she taught me alot, and alot was about...myself. I had to dig deep.

My last girl, well....we tried our best to make it work but the distance became to much. That lasted 3 1/2 years... It was a tough departure to say the least, She as well taught me alot about...me.

No regrets...

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

Post #: 45

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/16/2013 11:45:28 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
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My Master and I have been together for just over 4 years.

There really isn't a "secret" to our success. It's just compatibility, respect, trust, communication, and a whole lot of love and dedication. We are always a team, no matter what. It's never "him vs. me" in our relationship--we always approach things as a team, working to achieve a common goal (even in arguments.) We are both emotionally available and transparent with each other. The happiness/fulfillment of the other is a priority for us. And we are best friends. It just...works.

(in reply to Born2PleezeU)

Post #: 46

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/17/2013 12:04:45 AM

FanceeFreak

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Joined: 1/12/2011
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I just started a TPE relationship, It's been bumpy mostly because my bratty stubborn side keeps popping. If my M had a doghouse, I'd probably be living in it permanently!!! I am definitely a work in progress; I want more than anything in the world to please him. So, I have a lot of work to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For me, the goal of any of the BDSM activities is to break barriers and boundaries, sending me into a more primal, raw connection...to erase the civilized conventions and attain that connection, space, where there is no skin, no outer layers, but simply raw primal emotion.
~ Stacey

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 47

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/17/2013 7:23:29 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2PleezeU
What I was hoping to learn here, at least initially, is how successful the rest of you have been at building and sustaining a LTR within the lifestyle.

Carol and I were married for about a decade before we ran into D/s (we don't do the SM stuff -- she just obeys). It's been about 6 years now give or take that she's been obedient.

The secrets of our relationship success have nothing to do with BDSM or D/s. The reason the D/s works so well for us is that it was a natural fit to our personalities. We were relating to each other in this way long before we knew the terms or concepts.

The one thing that's not on your list of "stuff you plan to invest" is the only one that matters. You have to actually care about your partner and about the relationship more than you care about yourself. The stuff like "trust", "honesty" and the like is all second fiddle to that.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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Post #: 48

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/17/2013 12:02:15 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2PleezeU

Greetings all. I am new to the site and have spent most of my adult life in vanilla LTRs, having repressed my true submissive nature for far too long. I am now embarking on an exciting new chapter and I am determined to be true to myself and fully explore this deeply embedded aspect of my psyche. I am extremely interested in a long-term D/s relationship with the right dominant woman (my profile explains more about who/what I am looking for).

What I was hoping to learn here, at least initially, is how successful the rest of you have been at building and sustaining a LTR within the lifestyle. What is the longest D/s relationship you have ever been in? And for those of you long-termers who are happily coupled, what are the secrets of your relationship's success? (Aside from the things I already expect to invest, such as trust, honesty, loyalty, obedience, etc., once I find a true connection.)

Thanks for your responses!

Five years with Tam*st*** and ongoing. We are expecting. A good start is the secret...from my journal...

Alpha slaves are such a joy.

Getcha one.

The secret to getting one? Simple, you must become a Dom who captures her heart, mind and touch her soul with yours. When her will bends to yours she will blossom like a flower under the warm spring rain and bright radiant morning star. She will surrender her all to you and lay in your arms thankful to join her soul with yours, her Master.

Learn all you can, work at it, become skilled, reward her when she pleases you but do not spare the rod and be patient and it will happen. Never let a submissive ever decide for you, let her give you her opinions on the the good and bad of various options but you must always decide. Search for Wisdom and master yourself first before attempting to master another soul depending on you.

Simple enough?

Be well

Arturas

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(in reply to Born2PleezeU)

Post #: 49

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/18/2013 4:37:15 AM

Diana50

Posts: 37
Joined: 5/1/2011
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I just wanted to say Cuffllinks, that the photo of the two of you, on your profile, is beautiful.

Miss Diana

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks

My longest lifestyle relationship is my longest relationship in general. My little girl and I have been together for over seven years, we've lived together now for a little over one year. We're still going strong and are deeply and passionately in love with each other. We actually met right here on CM.
Now, while there is no real "secret" to how we work, for us at least, the dynamic definitely makes things easier. The level of trust, emotional honesty, and intimacy we share means we never have to guess at anything. It's all out there, where it should be. And that's mainly due to our D/s dynamic.
I will say this though...at the end of the day, a relationship is a relationship. Just because there is a power exchange involved, that doesn't guarantee success. If each partner doesn't have and show compassion and respect for the other, it won't work.
We also just enjoy each other's company. I told her a long time ago: "You know, take away the thrills, chills, and adventure... I just like being with you.
There's more, but I think I've rambled on enough.

(in reply to Cuffkinks)

Post #: 50

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/18/2013 6:04:33 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2PleezeU
I realize this thread represents a very small sample, but there seem to be a lot of BDSM relationships that don't last beyond 6 or 7 years. Perhaps this is paralleled in the world of vanilla relationships,

It is. You have heard of "the seven year itch" I presume?

but I would think with all the benefits of openness, sharing, communication, trust, etc. that a BDSM relationship requires, that there would be even more people in the 10+ year club.
IN my personal opinion, anyone who believes in these magical benefits is shooting themselves in the foot (and/or being terribly bigoted about vanilla people). There are no such benefits so to rely upon them is ridiculous. BDSM (or vanilla) relationships don't require those things. All relationships benefit from them but there's nothing about BDSM that is super-special. You put in your time, attention, and effort and you make it work or you don't. Things like sexual activities are recreation. Things like authority structures are simply a governance mechanism.... ones that can and are routinely executed poorly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
The secret? Not living with them! Both S and I need our own domiciles, and Cabin Boy is raising his son and helping his aging mom in their house.

I LOVE this comment on this post because it demonstrates that there are lots and lots of ways to bake a cake.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Born2PleezeU)

Post #: 51

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/18/2013 8:26:33 AM

MasterCaneman

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Joined: 3/21/2013
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I've been lurking this thread since the beginning and debating whether or not to add to it, but here's my story. I feel odd reading about the five-ten-twenty year stories because my longest "in-scene" relationship was a little under three months. Granted, I was still young, as was she, and there were a lot of other things going on in both our lives.

It was toxic as hell. There was rampant drug and alcohol use on both our parts, fights, disputes, the whole nine yards. She self-identified as a slave, but more of a 'topping from the bottom' kind of woman. Throw in the fact she also suffered from bi-polar disorder, I was an entitled, condescending prick, and the circle of similarly damaged people we both ran with and it was a miracle it lasted as long as it did.

When we were both "good", it was awesome. We'd have epic weekend-long sessions where we each were what the other wanted to be. I was her Lord and Master, and she was my lowly slave-girl. Great. And then, when the drop inevitably happened and we both had to return to Earth, we'd turn into spoiled brats. I could write a book on the low and mean things we did to each other when we didn't "click".

Twenty-five years ago she gave birth to my daughter, after fleeing back home to California. She never bothered to tell me, because by that time she had had enough of me, the scene, and the people we hung out with. I didn't find out until the girl was seven, and only then because someone from that same group found out accidentally.

I've never met the young lady nor do I hold out hope of ever doing so. I also have two grandchildren I'll most likely never meet as well. Touching, huh? I'm not bitter, and I did contact her after discovering I was a father. She'd cleaned herself up, got the medical help she needed, and found a good man who raised my daughter as his own.

Out of respect for both of them, I promised to not interfere with her life until and unless she wanted to know. My ex agreed to tell her after she was eighteen who her father really was and leave it up to her. I haven't heard a peep out of either of them, so I know the answer, and I'm good with that.

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(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 52

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/18/2013 9:37:19 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
I've been lurking this thread since the beginning and debating whether or not to add to it, but here's my story.

For what it's worth... as one of the guys in those 20 year long relationships I appreciate your post on this thread and I think it adds substantial value... arguably more than my post. In addition, something about the pragmatic, non-defensive way you wrote it got you some respect points in my book.

Thanks for choosing to chime in.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 53

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 5/18/2013 9:45:00 AM

sexyred1

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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MasterCaneman, that was a very intense post, thanks for sharing.

I can relate to some of the descriptors about toxic yet attracted.

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Post #: 54

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 6/9/2013 5:23:53 PM

Boudica

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Jacksonville, Florida
Status: offline

My subby-hubby and I were happily together for over 10 years. One of my boys and I are about to have our 1 year anniversary. There's another level to this, I've been play partners with a couple for nearly 20 years now - we met in college and still get together whenever we can.

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Post #: 55

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 6/10/2013 6:23:12 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
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8 years in a secondary relationship.

(in reply to Born2PleezeU)

Post #: 56

RE: What is your longest serious relationship in the li... - 6/10/2013 7:05:38 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
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Been with my hubby for 28 years, my LDR with my pet for 15, we live well apart(us& canada), and only see each other three or four times a year for a week or two at a time.
Gonna be in the US for Independence day!!!

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Post #: 57

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