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requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 10:05:12 AM   
Chinacatt67


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/1/2013
Status: offline 		New to collarme (several months), and trying to find a lifestyle not pro mistress to serve. twice i have messaged with dommes, and got to the point of arranging a personal meeting, and both times they wanted me to come to their apt. At the advice of a prodomme i am seeing and have been open with about finding a lifestyle mistress, i requsted that we meet in public. The first domme never emailed me back, and the 2nd was insulted and called me a fake. Am i wrong to expect the first meeting to be in public. -- for both our safety?
S
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 10:46:26 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		Not in the least! I have always set my first meetings for a public place. Usually a quick casual meet for tea or coffee. I've never once just expected someone to come to my home unknown without a public first meet. Its most definitely a safety issue. Many times there will seem to be a great chemistry online or even via phone but in person... not so much. I would rather find that out at a coffee shop in the first 10 minutes than in my home. Not to mention having someone that I don't have that chemistry with knowing where I live and not accepting that there isn't an interest on my part makes me shudder a bit.

Stick with your gut feelings. your own safety comes first. Anyone that doesn't take your safety, and their own for that matter, into consideration, would set off some red flags for me. Being a submissive doesn't mean being a doormat.

A I have always told potentials that they have choices up until the time I take ownership. After that, not so much. :^)

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 10:51:42 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67
Am i wrong to expect the first meeting to be in public. -- for both our safety?


Generically speaking, meeting in public is probably a good idea. But that's generically.

I've met plenty of Dommes and vanilla women for the first time at their apartments. No big deal. Haven't you ever picked up a vanilla woman at her place for a first date?

Frankly, the safety issue is greatly reduced if you meet at her apt. You can always let a friend know where you're going. If you don't call by a certain time, they can come get you or call the police. And if any crime occurs, you know the address to give to the police.

I don't know if you're talking to pros or lifestyle Dommes, so that might affect things. But IMO, there is no real issue with meeting at their place. If anything, she should be scared of you. If she's comfortable, then what's the problem?

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/12/2013 10:57:33 AM >

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 10:56:15 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck
I have always told potentials that they have choices up until the time I take ownership. After that, not so much. :^)


But if a dominant woman insists on meeting at her place, it may not be a good idea to try to force her to meet in a location that she didn't choose.

As I mentioned in my comment to the OP, I've met PLENTY of vanilla women and Dommes for the first time at their place. In fact, that has been more the norm. Very seldom have I met at a public location. So I don't see the big deal.

I don't mean to sound like a sexist, but I'd be much more concerned about meeting in a public place if I were a woman. As a guy, I really don't worry about much. I can take care of myself in just about any situation. Since the OP is a guy, I assume the same about him. But if he were a woman, then I would definitely suggest meeting in public.

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 11:09:43 AM   
Chinacatt67


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/1/2013
Status: offline 		one bit of information i left out that adds to my safety issue..I am married. I am upfront about that right away in my initial messaging on cm, but my safety concern is not just personal safety, but not putting myself in a situation where my wife could find out.
S

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 11:32:54 AM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

one bit of information i left out that adds to my safety issue..I am married. I am upfront about that right away in my initial messaging on cm, but my safety concern is not just personal safety, but not putting myself in a situation where my wife could find out.
S


Well, I'd say you just did that here. How do you know your wife hasn't stealthily found you here? Anyone with an internet connection can read the boards and view your profile. They don't even need to open an account here. One look at that headless torso, and the jig is up.

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 11:45:26 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		I was going to answer, but won't bother now, except to say....

You put yourself out there and don't want to get caught... you have already put yourself in danger. We couldn't hurt you as much as your wife is going to... WHEN she finds out.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 11:48:55 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

one bit of information i left out that adds to my safety issue..I am married. I am upfront about that right away in my initial messaging on cm, but my safety concern is not just personal safety, but not putting myself in a situation where my wife could find out.
S


I was going to make a straight answer to your question and then read that you were married and cheating. Forget it now - not that my input is all that valuable.

Really dude? Let's hope the past potential partners bailed on you for moral reasons instead of because of where they wanted to meet. As an aside, what were you planning on doing with marks and such from indulging in BDSM activities when wifey sees them?

Edited to add: Obviously I did not see the post above me, although I'm letting mine stand as is.

< Message edited by lizi -- 5/12/2013 11:49:45 AM >

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 11:50:10 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck
I have always told potentials that they have choices up until the time I take ownership. After that, not so much. :^)


But if a dominant woman insists on meeting at her place, it may not be a good idea to try to force her to meet in a location that she didn't choose.

As I mentioned in my comment to the OP, I've met PLENTY of vanilla women and Dommes for the first time at their place. In fact, that has been more the norm. Very seldom have I met at a public location. So I don't see the big deal.

I don't mean to sound like a sexist, but I'd be much more concerned about meeting in a public place if I were a woman. As a guy, I really don't worry about much. I can take care of myself in just about any situation. Since the OP is a guy, I assume the same about him. But if he were a woman, then I would definitely suggest meeting in public.


In the very early days I once had someone meet me at my place. There was no connection (this was long before the internet) and I all but had to call the police to get him out of my house. Thereafter for almost 10 years I had a stalker. So I would much rather meet in public where my phone has a gps locator and friends are close by to keep their eyes on the situation than to ever deal with a decade long stalker situation again. ymmv

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 11:55:55 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

one bit of information i left out that adds to my safety issue..I am married. I am upfront about that right away in my initial messaging on cm, but my safety concern is not just personal safety, but not putting myself in a situation where my wife could find out.
S



FFS I thought for once this was a sincere question by the OP. now we come to find out as Paul Harvey would say...The rest of the story.

How exactly are you planning to serve and perhaps be marked from punishment and hide that from your wife? Oh let me guess...you only plan on doing the sexy kinky things you want to do from a D/s perspective. Or as I call it Submission by Convenience. So the OP wants to be sub but doesn't want the expense of visiting a Pro. Ugh. this is such a repugnant situation in my view that I'll not be commenting further.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 12:07:04 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm literally waiting for the day that the married guy goes to the woman's apartment, she ties him to the bed, puts the blindfold on him, takes a few pics with the cell phone, and sends them to everybody on the contact list. The wife's got to be on that phone somewhere, doesn't she?

Either that, or there is the other scenario. Married guy goes to the woman's apartment, he gets tied up, and robbed blind. Since married guy doesn't want the wife to know, how likely is it that he's going to file the police report?

Have a good day, OP.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 12:10:44 PM   
Chinacatt67


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/1/2013
Status: offline 		We all take chances in life. its just too hard to repress my submissive feelings anymore. Maybe i should change my profile photo.
S

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 12:14:34 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm literally waiting for the day that the married guy goes to the woman's apartment, she ties him to the bed, puts the blindfold on him, takes a few pics with the cell phone, and sends them to everybody on the contact list. The wife's got to be on that phone somewhere, doesn't she?

Either that, or there is the other scenario. Married guy goes to the woman's apartment, he gets tied up, and robbed blind. Since married guy doesn't want the wife to know, how likely is it that he's going to file the police report?

Have a good day, OP.



Exactly and evidently cares more about feeding his own kinks than being concerned about how painful if will be for his wife to find out.

If you really cant control yourself op then do everyone a big favor including your innocent wife (and I hope to the Goddess kids arent involved here) and get a damn divorce. That way you can live the life you just can't seem to resist and nobody gets hurt in the eventual debacle this will become. Because she will find out. they ALWAYS do.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 12:17:12 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Stirring, stirring, stirring.... someone's come a stirring.

Why isn't there a smiley face with someone stirring the pot?

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 1:15:20 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		OP, for one thing, I always have first meeting in a public place. I'd be a fool not to. Second, if the reason you want a public meeting is you're married and don't want the Mrs to find out, well, WTF?? Most Dommes I know want nothing to do with married men who are cheaters. It's one thing if the Mrs knows and she's okay with it. I'd have no problem with that. But if she doesn't know which = you are a cheating liar, yeah, I would have a problem with that.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 1:33:29 PM   
SophiaMaam


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/21/2012
Status: offline 		It's always amusing when someone who lacks basic honesty is worried that others might also do so.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 2:30:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SophiaMaam

It's always amusing when someone who lacks basic honesty is worried that others might also do so.



I do actually love that as well.

(in reply to SophiaMaam)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 2:38:05 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

We all take chances in life. its just too hard to repress my submissive feelings anymore. Maybe i should change my profile photo.
S


Geez, no one cares about you taking chances, they care about your wife - who didn't consent to be on this path with a cheater for a husband. If it's too hard to repress your submissive feelings then divorce the wife or be submissive to her.

The ultimate submissive would be a good husband. Do things for her, pamper her, take care of chores, be of service to her. You probably don't find it hard to suppress those feelings though, the feelings you're talking about that have to come out now are the ones connected to your dick and what it needs - not anything to do with submission in a D/s fashion. You are submissive to your penis, that much is clear.

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 2:55:59 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

We all take chances in life. its just too hard to repress my submissive feelings anymore. Maybe i should change my profile photo.
S

Hmmmm. Did you ever think to talk to your wife about your "submissive feelings"? I am thinking no because you want to cheat on her. Period. Nothing you say will make me believe otherwise.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 4:07:10 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

New to collarme (several months), and trying to find a lifestyle not pro mistress to serve. twice i have messaged with dommes, and got to the point of arranging a personal meeting, and both times they wanted me to come to their apt. At the advice of a prodomme i am seeing and have been open with about finding a lifestyle mistress, i requsted that we meet in public. The first domme never emailed me back, and the 2nd was insulted and called me a fake. Am i wrong to expect the first meeting to be in public. -- for both our safety?
S



A lifestyle mistress won't have anything to do with a cheater because the wife will always have to come first. You cannot serve at her request if you have to lie to your wife to get out of the house.

Additionally, you claim in your profile to be respectful. If you can't respect your wife, how can she expect you to respect her?

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to Chinacatt67)
Profile   Post #: 20
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