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RE: question - 5/14/2013 8:22:53 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ameekkat

I do not live my life as though in a steamy romance novel... I know I need to take it slow and see what happens. I need to not let my heart and body lead and let my head have a say...

I am not looking for poly, been there done that and it was not for me...

And from a bdsm stand point they both are in tuned to what I would enjoy. They know i have met others so that is in the open...

Then I guess we should attribute it to your writing style. "looking for the other half of my heart," and "I wear my heart on my sleeve," are both indicative of someone who, in their desperation to find someone they don't look at things realistically.

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RE: question - 5/14/2013 2:11:16 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

You know this is something I have noticed in both the vanilla world and the kinky one--nobody dates for FUN...we all seem to think that if we go out with a person once and don't hate it that we should "focus", "see where it goes"... And I don't think that is the best course of action. My mom made a comment once about how different it seemed to be from when she was of dating age (1950s & 1960s). To her it was odd because, from the moral standpoint...in the 50s & 60s dating 2-3 boys/young men was normal & no one thought that you were "playing" or " slutty".

Anyway, I say that, as long as you are not intimate with either, have fun and get to know each one. You can't "choose" because there is no criteria...it is like tossing a coin. I am not a big believer in "letting a guy know you are still out there" but nor should you expect him to NOT still be out meeting people & maybe connecting with someone else... Once being naked enters the picture then you start the " At this point, I am no longer seeing or looking for anyone else" discussion.

I do. Or perhaps should say did.
When I'm in date mode, I like to meet people, have fun. I think it's awesome. So, when I'm in that zone, I'll date lots of people at once.I understand that it's gonna take some sorting before I find the diamond in the haystack. Which is cool, cause it takes the pressure off, means I can enjoy the cup of coffee, the company of a lovely lady and the fun of getting to know a new person. maybe sparks will fly, maybe not. But, I can always get out of the house, maybe check out a coffee place I've been meaning to go to, and if worse comes to worse, I always learn something.
But when I get serious, then it's time to focus in on one.

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RE: question - 5/14/2013 2:33:06 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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Yeah I dated for fun too. In the last few decades since more and more people meet via the internet it seems the whole dating for fun concept has gotten skewed.

What happened to a nice long exploration? To being friends? To seeing what you have in common with no assumptions?

The OP just met a couple guys, and she seems to think she has to decide which one should be her dom. I mean really. You *are* allowed to go out with someone just to enjoy that evening with no preconceived notions of where it should lead.

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RE: question - 5/14/2013 10:56:16 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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This thread is pretty interesting. It occurs to me that I have no idea how to date - I've never really done it. If I met two guys and wanted to date them both I'd have no idea the etiquette - should one specify that you're not dating exclusively or is that to be assumed? When do you have that conversation? Three months? Six months? Before sex? Not til the engagement?

Let's hope I don't have to figure it out any time soon.

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RE: question - 5/14/2013 11:00:27 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ameekkat

I have a question, if a sub has been looking for someone to be in her life and normally she would not see more than one than one person at a time... this past weekend she met two men in person, they are both really nice and are looking for what she is looking for as well...

it has been so long for her to find someone, and one of them is more persistant than the other... but she has a problem with wearing her heart on her sleeve and falling too fast, that she is afraid of falling before getting to know them better....

is this normal when seeking the other part of ones heart?

As others have said, don't rush. In a vanilla relationship, most people don't become exclusive before they have been dating for weeks or months. So get to know the guys and don't rush into any physical. A mistake people make is thinking you have to slutty or speed into the physical stuff if you are in a BDSM relationship. You don't, and you can communicate that if you are looking for something long term.

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RE: question - 5/15/2013 12:05:20 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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In my past dating life, how I've handled things has varied depending on circumstances. I've dated several men at the same time, and they all knew about each other up front, from the word go. At the time I was in my early 20s, living in the French Quarter, and pretty much a party girl. If a person couldn't handle that, they needed to know right away b/c I was in a 'needing my freedom' phase.

There have been times I've met someone, it got serious quick, and we became monogamous (or I did) early on. I'm thinking the ex husband, which in retrospect was not a good choice. Certainly a vote for 'take it slow and don't think with your pussy.'

If I had it to do over, I would always take it slow and see if we can be friends first. The results are worth the effort. It's wonderful being married to my best friend.

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RE: question - 5/15/2013 4:32:18 AM

ameekkat

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I think that is part of my question, it has been a long time since i have dated, and it is not like riding a bicycle. Thank you all for your input it has given me something to think about....

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RE: question - 5/15/2013 5:16:36 AM

Ropessum

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There has been some decent advice on the thread but it’s all semantics. They should duel!

Or realize your new relationship jitters for what they are and enjoy the experience as some have said. Things will fall into place.

Either option would be interesting.

GL

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RE: question - 5/15/2013 5:33:39 AM

TieMeInKnottss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ameekkat

I think that is part of my question, it has been a long time since i have dated, and it is not like riding a bicycle. Thank you all for your input it has given me something to think about....

I too am re-entering the dating world after a long hiatus. I think it is the fact that before I was married, me and most people I knew treated dating like a job search. We all were looking for "the one"... I don't know if it is age or the Internet but I find now that I treat the whole thing more lightly. I actually LIKE online dating because you can spend a week or so chatting back and forth getting a feel if there is any common ground... Whereas meeting at a party or bar you usually have to decide quickly whether to give out your info and you don't know who is looking & I am really shy so I never had great success at parties or bars...I have met so many men online that didn't work romantically (even though that was the initial intent) but turned into friends or at least online chat/discussion buddies. Like Kana said, go in with the idea that it is not a date but a chance to try a restaurant, see a movie, play a game of tennis...and dating is FUN!!

As long as you don't make false promises...don't feel guilty or obligated to "notify" the other person you are still dating. I think the D/s thing does make it harder but as long as you have not gotten to the stage where anyone is naked...it is ok to vanilla date a couple of different doms. Actually, it is probably MORE important because dating allows you to see the character and personality before deciding.

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RE: question - 5/15/2013 4:58:53 PM

littlewonder

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There are no rules, no etiquette. It's doing what's comfortable for you.

When I was single, I would date more than one man. I felt no reason to let them all know about each other. There was never any talk about being exclusive. It all just happened organically, on its own. When I started caring for one more than all the others, wanting to be with only that man, that's when the others just went away. There was never any "break up" because we weren't in relationships. We were all simply dating and getting to know each other. It eventually comes down that you may end up having feelings for one more than all the others and that's when it just happens. You spend more time with that person, you just forget about the others. You turn down their offers for another date. You don't have to explain to them. You just say "thanks but I just don't think this is working but it's been fun".

At least that's how it always worked for me in the past.

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RE: question - 5/16/2013 8:13:30 AM

MsEloquence

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Fast reply.

You are an adult. You know whether you're more comfortable getting acquainted with one man or with multiple men.

Additionally, you might try combining your new guys and your regular life: e.g. taking your new guy to non-kinky, non-sexual, non-romantic events.
You know, museums, ice skating, hanging out with friends, etc

Because you're entitled to a complete package

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