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RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/17/2013 3:27:46 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

Doesn't the use of a list make the whole thing seem... impersonal


Not to me. I insist on a checklist whether partners are new or already familiar. One of my favorite ways to use it is sit down with the potential partner and go item by item together, adding in whatever comments or qualifiers as needed to the activities. I think a checklist is a great way to open up discussion, and another way for me to express my dominance by leading the interview about it. I am always surprised at what I learn about a person through this exercise.

I highly recommend using them.

(in reply to Darkfeather)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/17/2013 9:05:03 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No way am I ever going to fill out a list like that. I'm more a believer of "these are my top ten interests, what are yours?". If they don't match up, I'm not compatible with the other person.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I found this checklist for subs online - 5/18/2013 12:19:06 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		I'd like to know why people keep insisting on listing bestiality as a kink within BDSM. BDSM involves consenting human adults.

Beyond that I like lists because I like lists. I make lists all the time. They help me think about what needs to be done, what has been done, and what else I need to think about. Plenty of people are list people. Plenty of people hate them. I've used BDSM lists to get to know some basic facts. It's helpful to know if 'main kinks' mesh before wasting too much time on someone who will ultimately not be a good fit.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/18/2013 2:27:47 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I might have missed it, but I swear I looked twice, did I miss furries ? Personally I do have a list. It has two questions on it and the person answering the questions must do it outloud infront of me (conversation for the win)

Questions...

1) What do you dream about?

2) What do you have nightmares about?

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to hrxxx)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/18/2013 8:01:16 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.

A small but subtle shift which makes all the difference-kinda like the gap between fantasy and reality.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/18/2013 8:07:49 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.


Oh yes, I am now doing many things I never would have dreamt of doing before, and refused to do with other partners.

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(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 3:16:58 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.

A small but subtle shift which makes all the difference-kinda like the gap between fantasy and reality.


This doesn't apply to me. There is no shift. It's one and the same when my type a personality allows another human being inside.








_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 3:40:04 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		I have to second this... Starting out, there was not much I would agree to. I am not a masochist, so pain does not feel good and I don't like it. What I LOVE (& thrive on), is the approval. I am one of those "would walk on hot coals for the right person" types.. I will endure any type of humiliation or pain when it comes from the RIGHT person.

The list is great to kind of "jog" your memory but the reality is that, when push comes to shove, most of us are going to do it unless it is a hard limit (I.e.-I will NOT eat peas for ANYONE!)

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 4:59:23 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I think that those lists are great for people to use, and keep to themselves. We have had more than enough discussions about limits being violated, but it was something that the person never thought of mentioning. So someone (especially those who are new) taking the list and thinking about the various items gives them an idea of some of the stuff that they may not have even considered. Some they may find intriguing, others they may realize is a hard limit.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 5:56:35 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.



I agree with this. It's one of the reasons why lists have little benefit for me.

If I were to look at a list that I had composed 5 years ago, or even 2 years ago, it would look very different now. With the right partners, I have expanded my boundaries and tried things that I never thought I would try.

So even if you choose to use a list, just remember that your list is likely to change over time. Hard limits sometimes become soft limits, and soft limits sometimes become enjoyable activities. It just takes the right partner to make you comfortable enough to try something new and unexplored.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 5:58:29 AM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		I have to agree with LL. When I first started I liked the list it was pretty helpful as DJ was also new to the lifestyle. He and I got a lot out of it, but now no list its just open convos.

misty

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 8:58:23 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx

Well does anybody use checklist?

And do any one have somthing to add to the list?

I have one "imprisonment"



What you're quoting is a fairly standard list.

It is useful as a means of starting discussions. You can't take the answer as gospel, because people don't always respond to stuff in real life as they think they might when filling out a form. So it doesn't replace discussion and safewords.

(in reply to hrxxx)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 5:03:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Lists have always been a waste of time for me. One, because I don't really have any limits except the duh ones that everyone mentions. But other than that, if it doesn't kill me or leave me a vegetable then he does what he wants. I've always been that way with all the men I have ever met. If I truly love and trust someone, I will do absolutely anything for him. I hate pain but in the end my love of him is greater than my hate of pain or anything else he may want/do.

I think especially after my husband died, I came to the realization that most things in life are simply not important and definitely not worth arguing over or leaving someone you love over.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 6:16:08 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Lists have always been a waste of time for me. One, because I don't really have any limits except the duh ones that everyone mentions. But other than that, if it doesn't kill me or leave me a vegetable then he does what he wants. I've always been that way with all the men I have ever met. If I truly love and trust someone, I will do absolutely anything for him. I hate pain but in the end my love of him is greater than my hate of pain or anything else he may want/do.





^^^^EXACTLY^^^^


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 6:29:09 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Lists have always been a waste of time for me. One, because I don't really have any limits except the duh ones that everyone mentions. But other than that, if it doesn't kill me or leave me a vegetable then he does what he wants. I've always been that way with all the men I have ever met. If I truly love and trust someone, I will do absolutely anything for him. I hate pain but in the end my love of him is greater than my hate of pain or anything else he may want/do.

I think especially after my husband died, I came to the realization that most things in life are simply not important and definitely not worth arguing over or leaving someone you love over.

*Chortles*
"If you really loved me, you'd do..."

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 6:57:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		"If you really loved me you wouldn't ask....."



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 8:25:30 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
This is a list of BDSM activities.

You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s.

You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

You can do bondage or sadomasacism without Ds but if you're engaging in bdsm you're doing the Ds, it's right there in the middle.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 8:37:43 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.

A small but subtle shift which makes all the difference-kinda like the gap between fantasy and reality.


Exactly. And to add to that, there are some things on "lists" that you might do with someone and not with someone else.

I am not inspired by lists. I am inspired by someone who who communicates with me and we work through fun things to do.

People love to short cut through interpersonal communications.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 8:39:23 PM   
descrite


Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline 		I tried a list with one partner, once. It didn't work.

I can totally see the utility in them...but I can also see how they'd deflate some of the romance/excitement.

Of course, rational thought often does.

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online - 5/20/2013 9:34:17 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I looked at something similar several years ago, and thought it was a nice suggestion/ideas to play with,
This is a good idea for someone who thinks they want to try out BDSM play/lifestyle, experiment with D/s play, it opens one's mind to different activities.
Also keep in mind, that what one says absolutely not on day/years one, often changes with time, building confidence with themselves, and with you.
Good luck, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to hrxxx)
Profile   Post #: 40
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