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What's the percent of stinkers in your local community? - 5/17/2013 6:02:46 AM

DarkSteven

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Recently, there've been some threads on Fet about two separate alleged abusers in the Denver community. Both were alleged to have raped women.

Well, we have a few other stinkers locally as well.

A Dom who has abused drugs, and has shown predatory behavior toward newbies, including plying one with liquor and taking compromising pics to use as leverage.

A pro Domme who has violated consent.

A creepy guy (just his pic and writings are creepy) who has pressured women to begin disciplinary sessions with him, stating that they need to atone for things they've done. And, no, these women do not have relationships with him when he made the statements.

A young skinhead who has made anti-Semitic statements, and later made ridiculously unbelievable explanations.

Considering how many kinksters I estimate that we have locally, I'd say that the stinker/kinkster ratio is around 0.5% - 1% here.

Does anyone else have estimates for their local scene?

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/17/2013 9:21:07 AM

SimplyMichael

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Stinkers here in SF?

Leadership...70%

Attendeed...20%

Leaders playing so drunk their speech is slury, others "protecting" young pussy at their own events, some so craven that their leadership is run by focus groups. And those are the "better" ones...

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/17/2013 7:51:56 PM

littlewonder

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no estimates because we aren't involved in the community.

As for what you are saying, do you have proof of these allegations or just others spreading more rumors?
I don't think of anyone in the way you do because I see those people who are "falling prey" to be adults with a mind to think for themselves. They can say yes or no. They don't need me to rescue them. It's their own responsibility for the affects of what happens to them. If they cannot act on their own, then they may want to think about therapy or a court appointed guardian and should not be involved in any kind of "community".

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/17/2013 7:56:47 PM

sexyred1

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I am not into a public scene, but I would say that because of where I live, NNJ right near NYC, the percentage of "stinkers" is rather high in general.

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/17/2013 8:00:05 PM

FelineRanger

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My first question is whether or not you have firsthand knowledge of these acts or not. If it's second- or third-hand, as many such things are, then I would take it with a truckload of salt. However, if you have firsthand knowledge, the only thing you can really do is distance yourself as much as possible from the individuals. In my admittedly limited observation, it seems these allegations are quite popular when a relationship ends. Bear in mind, I'm not saying that these things don't happen. By and large, I find it's much simpler to keep my nose out of other people's business.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/17/2013 8:03:04 PM

littlewonder

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DS, it seems there is a shitload of drama in your community. Why not walk away from it? I personally would find it all repugnant and would make me feel ill to even be near.

I mean, really, you need to really think about why you stick around. Are you there thinking you feel sorry for these people and you are somehow going to help them get free of their bully? You can't. You play no part in their lives whatsoever no matter how much you might think you are one big family or whatever.

After having seen this kind of drama in more than one community I'd say get out now because it's going to implode on itself very, very soon and it won't be pretty.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/17/2013 8:18:19 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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What are the percentage of predators and con artists in real life? Because I would expect it to be the same. If it's 5% and you only have 1% then I'd say you're doing real well.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/17/2013 9:42:43 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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Well, that I have firsthand knowledge of, in our community there is a Dom who's a sexual predator, a Domme who's on and off meth, and a sub who pressed false rape allegations because she had regrets the morning after. The sexual predator that still circulates in our community, he is an ex of mine. I ended our relationship abruptly when I found out and he admitted it.

Other than that, I have no firsthand knowledge. Two of the three have been shunned from the local kink community and the other, well, I don't know why he hasn't been, because he's a three-time offender that I know of. I know what people say to me about him and I know, from that, they know it's all true. But those three people amount to less than 1% of our local community altogether. Probably a lower percentage than in society in general.

I look at it like the vast majority of the kinksters around here are good people, so I keep going to events. The only one that still circulates in our community is that one, and I just avoid him.

NBMG

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 12:06:08 AM

DarkSteven

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1. I'm not quitting the local scene. Especially not over 1% or less being issues.

2. It's difficult for me to say definitively whether it's firsthand, secondhand, etc. I have heard secondhand of all of it, and have in several cases observed firsthand behaviors that could IMO be explained only if the rumors were true.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 2:04:36 AM

crazyml

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In my relatively limited experience of the "scene" (it just doesn't do it for me) I'd say that I encounter pretty much the same rough percentage of stinkers and drama causers as I do either of the two yacht clubs I'm a member of.

It seems to me that whenever you get groups of people together you inevitably get politics, drama and scandal - I don't think that kink communities are any more susceptible to it than any other group.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 7:31:59 AM

littlewonder

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Now I remember why I don't do group stuff. WAAAAYYY too much drama. I hate drama that much. I'd rather keep to myself and Master and a few very select friends who hate drama as much as I do.

I can't even stand it when my own daughter starts with her drama and I tell her about it too when she starts.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 7:44:21 AM

MasterCaneman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

In my relatively limited experience of the "scene" (it just doesn't do it for me) I'd say that I encounter pretty much the same rough percentage of stinkers and drama causers as I do either of the two yacht clubs I'm a member of.

It seems to me that whenever you get groups of people together you inevitably get politics, drama and scandal - I don't think that kink communities are any more susceptible to it than any other group.

I was going to say something to that effect. Humans are social animals, and whenever you put two or more of us drooling house apes together there's going to be drama. I firmly believe it's how we're wired and why we like abstract behaviors like theatre, writing, movies, and TV. Secretly, we all like to have a little drama in our lives, otherwise we're blank slates.

As for stinkers? You're gonna get them whether it's The Scene or a social club. You want drama? Come and listen to the curmudgeons down at my gun club sometime. Those guys natter like washer-women at times. All you can do is just file it away and make sure the mud doesn't splatter you.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 7:44:21 AM

lostnlooking9

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Now I remember why I don't do group stuff. WAAAAYYY too much drama. I hate drama that much. I'd rather keep to myself and Master and a few very select friends who hate drama as much as I do.

I can't even stand it when my own daughter starts with her drama and I tell her about it too when she starts.

Agreed. I'm the same. I'm way too nice and peaceful, way to understanding and logical, the sort of guy who tries to make nice with everyone, and not everyone else is like that. So seeing such pains me.

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 7:46:02 AM

littlewonder

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Oh it doesn't pain me. It just annoys the hell out of me. I feel like I'm around children and honestly, I already raised mine. The last thing I want to do is be around more children. Hell, I went to a department store last night and there were 4 small children running around, screaming their heads off. I walked right out.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 7:52:19 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
DS, it seems there is a shitload of drama in your community. Why not walk away from it? I personally would find it all repugnant and would make me feel ill to even be near.

Heh, the truth is that there is plenty of drama in our local community without even getting into this crap. While it's true that groups of humans create drama, I think that when there's a lot of sex going on it becomes exponentially worse.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 7:53:22 AM

littlewonder

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shudder.

Now I remember why I am monogamous. Add another person and it's too much for my brain to take. It just starts to hurt my head.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 8:11:41 AM

Kana

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Communities are just a microcosm of normal society. And normal society is fucked up. So, of course microcosms are.
I'm fucked up. You're fucked up. It's the state of being human.

So I try and spend a whole lot less time focused on what others are doing and far more focused on what I'm doing. Because really, what they do is their bidness, not mine. Especially in a BDSM community, where all participants are theoretically adults.
But yeah, BDSM communities by and large are made up of some of the stranger peeps-I remember at one point thinking it looked like a Magic gathering all grown up and few hundred dozen cheeseburgers over the line. BDSM groups draw the freaks and twistoids, the dreamers and the fantasists,-they ain't exactly hotbeds of mental health.
Which explains my lack of involved participation. I spent enough of my life surrounded by badly damaged people. Nowadays I choose not to. I got better things to do with my life

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 11:19:12 AM

NuevaVida

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I dabbled in my local community very briefly. In that brief time, without knowing most of the people in it, I saw enough drama to turn me off. So off I went.

Now, there *are* some folks I'm friends with, and I join them in periodic discussion dinners (private events held at a home) but I haven't done anything outside of that - I skip the play parties, etc. I'm good with just a close small circle of friends. Quite honestly, the people I spend the majority of my time with aren't involved in BDSM (at least that I know of). We have other shared interests that take precedent for me (wine tasting, zumba, cycling, food sampling/cooking, music, etc.).

For me, kink is just a small fraction of my relationship, and nothing I feel compelled to share publicly. And because my relationship dynamic is a bit different than my non-BDSM friends, it's great to have some very close BDSM friends (who also share some of those other interests above) to share ideas and personal concerns, etc., with.

I like living in a positive environment, and there really isn't room for negative people in my life. So even "stinkers" in some of my other interest groups don't find a place on my radar.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 12:05:21 PM

myotherself

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~FR~

I used to be very involved in my local community. Then gave it up because the people I liked being with either moved away or just stopped attending and the assholes who had previously kept to the sidelines suddenly started to make their presence felt.

I have zero tolerance for bullshit and the assholes that produce it, so I don't go to munches or clubs any more. I only go to a private party every month run by people I like and attended by people I like. No drama, no assholes, just fun and good company.

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RE: What's the percent of stinkers in your local commun... - 5/18/2013 12:22:43 PM

theshytype

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I'm with LW on this one.

There are stinkers just about everywhere and I do my best to avoid them all. The drama they bring is annoying.
At my job, I deal with TONS of stinkers, but it's a job so unless I want to look for a new one, I'm stuck dealing with them. When I'm not at work, I stay away from them as best as possible especially if it's supposed to be for fun because when it's my time, I'm not stuck.

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