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Zonie63 -> RE: What do subs think of FinDommes? (7/16/2013 12:03:32 PM)
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ORIGINAL: igor2003
--FR--
Okay, just a few of things…
First, the title of the thread is, “What do subs think of findommes”. Well, I can’t answer that here. Why? Because as per VideoAdminRho, “This is a reminder that insulting the kinks of others is against the guidelines of the forums.” So, apparently, even though asked, unless you are in favor of said “kink” you aren’t allowed to actually state your opinion.
Second, as to it being a “kink”…Well, for some very few men it possibly is. For women? Probably not so much. I asked the question in a different thread about how many of the findommes participating in the thread actually got a sexual thrill from being a findomme. Of the people that responded, none of them did. According to Miriam-Webster there are a number of different definitions for “kink”, and the one that would pertain here is, “a sexual taste or behavior”. Seems to me that if they aren’t getting a sexual thrill from it, then it doesn’t fall into the category of “kink”. But maybe that is just splitting hairs.
Third, for those that complain about the number of findomme threads there are, why is it that you participate in every one of them? Don’t like them? Bored with them? Move on to the next thread! Most of you give the sage advice to the people starting the threads that the reason there are so many findommes is that there is a market for them. Same goes for the number of findomme threads…there are a lot of people that DO want to talk about it…even complain about it. There is a market for it. Don’t like it? Move on to the next thread. Pot-kettle. Goose-gander.
These are some good points. Whether or not it's an actual "kink" is beside the point in my mind. Whatever anyone may think about it, if it's a legal activity engaged in by consenting adults, then it's their business, as far as I'm concerned.
I think the number of findomme threads are merely a reflection of the number of findomme profiles from the other side. Assuming that financial domination is a kink, then it's natural for people to wonder why there would be that many people into that one particular kink, to the exclusion of all other kinks in the BDSM realm. It really wouldn't matter what that particular kink may be, if it abounds in great numbers, then people will wonder about it and ask about it.
I also think that, as a result of these threads which have seen the participation of those who are into financial domination (such as TNDommeK), we've seen the difference between the kink practiced responsibly versus the "princess" profiles that abound on the other side, which seem to be almost universally scorned when addressed in these and other threads. I don't think anyone denies the existence of scammers, panhandlers, and fakes, but I can also see that they wouldn't want people to be rolled over unfairly just because somebody thinks they're a fake. But it's still necessary to be cautious, and the site clearly warns people against sending any money to people they don't know.
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And lastly, I DO think there are a few men, percentage-wise, that do get a sexual thrill from the act of giving money and gifts to someone who, in their fantasies, is somehow a “superior” being. But you will never convince me that the vast number of “findommes” showing up on the other side in any way accurately reflects the number of men that are legitimately into that type of thing. And it isn’t just the 20-something ladies that are asking for “tribute”. More and more there are women in their 30’s, 40’s and even 50’s requiring to be somehow compensated just because they are so wonderful.
I can also see how the perceptions may be formed in people's minds. From one side, the finsubs may be viewed as pathetic horndogs being led by their dicks who deserve to lose their money to a wily findomme. Why shouldn't a findomme take advantage and cash in on that? Some women here who aren't even findommes have said that they get men offering them money all the time, so I can see how it happens.
From the other side, there are men who feel that the findommes are taking unfair advantage of the situation, preying on the weaknesses of vulnerable, pure, innocent men who are just trying to find a nice lady to settle down with - but find themselves getting caught up in a tangled of web of lies, deceit, and international intrigue. It's Mata Hari all over again. [;)]
As far as men getting a sexual thrill from giving away money and gifts to a woman, I'm certain that's true. I think it's just as common in the vanilla world, if not more so. The entire diamond and jewelry industry exists for that very purpose.
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Because the number of sub men seem to outnumber dominant women several times over, I believe that there are a lot of what appear to be “fin-sub” men that are actually just submissive men trying to buy their way into a fem-domme/male sub relationship. Zonie63 referred to being a sub male as being a curse, and I do think many sub males do see it that way. With legitimate fem-dommes being in such short supply many, MANY sub males will go to other means of trying to fill the empty space in their being. Some go to pros. Some serve online. Some turn to self-bondage. Some take extreme chances and offer themselves into very risky situations. And some are willing to try to buy their way into that domem/sub relationship that they need.
There's probably a lot of truth to this. As far as what I said regarding being a sub male as a curse, it does sometimes feel that way. But I don't see any point in trying to buy my way in. I've had previous relationships in the past. It's not really all that difficult for a sincere, determined sub male to find a dominant woman, if that's the only basis of one's search. But finding one who's compatible personality-wise, with similar views and philosophies on life, intelligent, educated - and within a reasonable driving distance - that's what is so difficult.
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