Misgivings revisited. (Full Version)

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garyFLR -> Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 1:31:19 AM)

Something MistressDarkArt wrote on my 'Misgivings' post got me thinking.

The amount, & quality of the postings you contribute to the message board can say more about you than your profile ever can. Your profile tells people what you want them to know, the unwitting testimony in your postings can reveal an awful lot more.

Do you evaluate CM members on their profile, or their contributions? Or maybe a bit of both?

I for one will be a little more thoughtful, before I bang off a message board response. I hope so anyway [:)]



LadyPact -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 1:39:09 AM)

For all of the work that folks around here suggest about profiles, I am much more a forum posts chick.

A profile isn't much more than what a person thinks of themselves. I have to admit, that isn't really what I want to see most of the time.

I want to see how people interact with others. It doesn't mean they have to have a perfect record in their posts. I do have to say, however, that I base much more of My own opinion of them that way. It shows much more about them as a person.



Lucylastic -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 4:38:34 AM)

Have to admit, as Im not looking for anyone, I rarely look at profiles until someone has made a post on here. Posting style is definitely a better indication for me.



lizi -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 5:46:44 AM)

I'd prefer someone I knew from the message boards and then I'd look at his contributions - if that's not available I look at the profile. Even when there are posts by the person, I do look at the profile too so I can see if there is anything that would immediately rule him out like dick pics, all kink interests listed, any text that would rule him out (for me), etc.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 5:49:27 AM)

I've met several women from posting on the boards. There's others I would like to meet someday but haven't due to distance etc., LadyPact and Lucylastic being two of them. The boards are slower now than they used to be, but, at least for a couple years, I thought they were the best way to make connections on the site.

The thing about profile text is that it could have been written years ago, or edited and re-edited, much like a photograph that is so touched up it no longer looks like the person. From a post pattern, you can see how someone handles criticism, confrontation, how good their advice is to someone with a problem, whether you're in tune with their sense of humor.

When I had my profile up, I included journal entries that linked to key posts of mine, or posts about me from women who met me at a wedding, things like that. You could look at Baroana's profile to see a variation of that technique. Her journal is impressive.



garyFLR -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 6:00:06 AM)

The advice about the journal is very helpful, I've had a look at the journal entries I have, & they're lacklustre to say the least, I'll have to see what I can do on that.

Listing kinks? I don't really have a kink history, would that be considered a minus point? I'd be a bit shy in listing them anyway. A shopping list of kink hmm.



LittleMsMary -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 6:05:58 AM)

I definitely check to see someone's forum posts and get a sense of what they're like outside of a "sell yourself" kind of profile. If there are major inconsistencies between what they say on their profile and how they act on the forums it's an immediate red flag for me. I don't necessarily think everyone has to post over here, or post often, but the posts they do make are definitely going to be a factor in deciding if I'm interested in talking to them or not. A lot of times though, I don't get past reading the profile anyway and I'll never understand how so many people don't understand that it's often their first, and only, chance of making a good impression.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 6:24:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: garyFLR
Listing kinks? I don't really have a kink history, would that be considered a minus point?

I've never listed BDSM kinks in my profile. I included "Lives for: nanotechnology, massages," which hopefully piqued some curiosity. My general attitude, though, is that my kinks are none of her business unless she's interesting to me on some level beyond that. If you're interested, you could take a look at my Fetlife profile, same username. I've met women in real from that profile as well. You really don't need a lot of text, as long as you're respectful of women, and interesting in some way (physical, mental, emotional, financial, or insert your own category here).

Also, in general I think women get higher quality contacts if they have fewer fetishes listed.

Big picture though: think of CM as a training ground. It's hard to get a date here. There are more scammers than average, per capita; and the women receive more noxious messages per hour here, so they are facing extra static. Online dating skills you learn here will serve you well anywhere else. That said, people really do meet their future kinky spouses here, as well as make all kinds of other connections. But it requires resilience.



lizi -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 6:26:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: garyFLR

<snip>
Listing kinks? I don't really have a kink history, would that be considered a minus point? I'd be a bit shy in listing them anyway. A shopping list of kink hmm.


As far as I'm concerned I am not attracted by any kinks being listed, to me that's private and to be addressed if and when I decide I like someone- so a man with no listed kink interests would get my attention. One reason for that as well, is that men as a group tend to focus solely on sex/kink, so anyone not fitting that pattern stands out to me in a positive way. That's just me, others feel differently.

My main focus is on meeting someone I am a match with personality-wise, to me, kinks are variable and change according to the person I'm with. Kink isn't my focus, the man is. No kink history wouldn't bother me much, but that's me. Everyone has deal-breakers and hard limits, I can see why they'd just throw those out right away. I think when my profile was open I had 2-3 of my most important ones listed so that it filtered out the people that needed that, like poly. Otherwise I figure someone can approach me like a person and exchange a couple of emails or even meet me in person before we start talking about what we do with our clothes off. If I'm not worth that, then I'd rather miss out.



LadyPact -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 9:16:26 AM)

I do think it's kind of funny that you asked this question, gary. Considering the first line of My profile reads, "I tend to think reading the forums is a better way to get to know Me, rather than reading My profile." LOL.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 9:34:56 AM)

I use both.

Not everyone I interact with on CM is active on the forums in-fact most aren't. I do periodically link specific topics here on the forums in my journal on the other side as well my personal blog.

On FL people on my friends list seem to be more active in groups, journals and status updates and I do pay attention and take notice of what people post.

It can help me determine how to best deal with certain people and what lane I put them in.




garyFLR -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 9:47:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I do think it's kind of funny that you asked this question, gary. Considering the first line of My profile reads, "I tend to think reading the forums is a better way to get to know Me, rather than reading My profile." LOL.



I am sorry LadyPact [:(]. In my defence I did pose the question before I checked out your profile [:)].

Best wishes, Gary.



LadyPact -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 10:18:51 AM)

No defense needed at all! I've always felt that way.

In most cases, I don't read profiles a whole lot. There's an awful lot you can find out over time just by what folks write on the forums. Often, I think it's better that way because it's not rehearsed or premeditated. To Me, forum posts are just more organic, somehow. I like conversations better than scripts.




Rawni -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 10:23:17 AM)

I look at anything that is available to me, but with so many things being situational, unless something is extreme, I don't see anything as a complete view of anything. I see what I consider red flags to me or things I find distasteful, it doesn't matter how they post and even if they have the depth of a volcano or a mother Teresa type. Someone else might find who they are or how they present in a given situation, exactly what they want in some manner.

There can be a real pretty picture, that most would agree is a pretty picture and that picture be as fake as some boobies.

No matter how much depth I have put into my profile information, journals or posts... how little, my sarcasm, snark, direct talk or anything else, someone just may not hit on the day when something I say would change their opinion/evaluation of me for better or worse. It is what it is and I don't worry about it. Whether you are looking or not... whether you are here for this kind of fun or that kind of fun... you find how it works for you, enjoy it and take it all for what it's worth. It can be a clear view of someone and then again, it may not be. [:D]



ThundersCry54 -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 3:25:20 PM)

I have very little on my profile...I prefer getting to know people right here...the good, the bad and the ugly...



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 3:25:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: garyFLR
Do you evaluate CM members on their profile, or their contributions? Or maybe a bit of both?

Both. A profile just says what you want others to know about you. Forum posts tells how you interact with other people. No one lives in a vacuum and I like to know how one interacts with others.

NBMG



littlewonder -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 4:16:23 PM)

I first base them on their profile.

I then base them on their conversations with me one on one.

I had no idea Master was even on the forums and I had only been on them sporadically when I met him. He was the one who encouraged me to read his forum posts. Otherwise I would have never even bothered. It just wasn't important to me.

My main basis of a person though if we get past the chitchat, is in real life, face to face. Until then you're really just pixels on a screen and I only used online as a very, very basic screening tool such as age, looks, etc....to see if we even had any reason whatsoever to want to check into them more.





LanceHughes -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 4:27:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I first base them on their profile.

I then base them on their conversations with me one on one.

<snipped>

My main basis of a person though if we get past the chitchat, is in real life, face to face. Until then you're really just pixels on a screen and I only used online as a very, very basic screening tool such as age, looks, etc....to see if we even had any reason whatsoever to want to check into them more.



^^^ THIS ^^^

So very few on the profile side even know this side exists. I enjoy the fact that as a gay Dom, the boys approach politely. Then I'll check their profile and we'll go from there.

One liners that read "Nice pics, Sir." or "Hot profile, Sir." get a one-liner back that says,
"Thanks for the compliment. Regards, Lance."



garyFLR -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 7:30:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

No defense needed at all! I've always felt that way.

In most cases, I don't read profiles a whole lot. There's an awful lot you can find out over time just by what folks write on the forums. Often, I think it's better that way because it's not rehearsed or premeditated. To Me, forum posts are just more organic, somehow. I like conversations better than scripts.



I agree, plus the fact, I would be reticent about sending someone a message just on the strength of their profile. Unless it was to complement them on their profile photo, which I've just done incidentally.



NuevaVida -> RE: Misgivings revisited. (5/24/2013 8:33:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: garyFLR



I for one will be a little more thoughtful, before I bang off a message board response. I hope so anyway [:)]

About this, I'd say just be yourself. If you're posting trying to impress (you didn't say you were, but I'm going there anyway, just in case), then you're representing something other than who you are.

When I was single, I didn't post with "My future Master might be reading this" in mind. I just posted what came out of me, naturally.

About the rest of the OP, though, well in my case I could only really go off my interaction with him, since he doesn't post on message boards. I read his profile and really liked some of his journal entries, and that - coupled with his very nice introduction - prompted me to reply. From there it was just one-on-one interaction - no message board postings.

I will say, though, there have been people local to me who have posted here, and who came across really cool in person, but some of what they posted made me go "hmmmm" a little too much to have much interest. So I guess for me, yes, how someone interacts with others factors in.



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