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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/27/2013 12:03:14 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
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FR

I consider myself a pretty understanding gal, but one thing that chapped my ass about my ex is that she wasn't ambitious. She was okay working for minimum wage and being a stoner as long as I supported us. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she got knocked up while I was on a trip, even though we were supposed to be monogamous. Laziness and infidelity are deal-breakers for me.

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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/27/2013 12:13:09 AM

bogunde

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/1/2013
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I'm cracking up about you March post: "Having a political discussion on CM is like going to a whorehouse for a hug. And that is all I am going to say about that." Now Laziness and infidelity. lazy people do not hump around. That's all I'm going to say about that!

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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/27/2013 12:15:23 AM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
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quote:

sexyred1: It is heart rending, but life goes on.

I hope your health is not failing SR? Cuz those are the people who should say life goes on. The rest of us should be out there doing as much of what we want. . . as we can:)

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Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/27/2013 1:14:21 AM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: online

I actually have had a few Dommes here on Collarme and on Fetlife send me messages saying they would love to collar me.The only real issue I have had,is that they live too far.

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Post #: 44

RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/27/2013 11:01:59 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I was told the same thing years ago by a therapist. I kept asking what happens when you finally do try and let go and you never meet someone who you attain that extreme high with?

He said you may never again feel those highs but if you find someone who can give you a more sustained peaceful type of relationship, it should suffice.

I am still not sure of his advice since I have not met anyone who I felt anything for.

And that is damn scary.

I'm not going to advise you anything. You're a smart and wonderful woman, and it would be silly of me to do so.

What I WILL tell you, is the Mister and I don't get to those super high highs....because guess what? I've learned, for me, they're not real. They're an escape. But...what we've found is that together our "Normal" is higher than what it was before we met. But extreme highs? I don't want them if they're synthetic (and I don't mean drugs, etc....just fake escapism). I *LIKE* being normal, and peaceful, and content without the roller coaster. Cuz let me tell ya, when you're extremely up....you have to come back down. And those extremes are exhausting.

For me, before I met him I reached a point where I was happy enough in life being single, and didn't want/need a partner. So I didn't feel like I was lacking anything. But realistically speaking, I know everyone is different, and that's not going to be the case for everyone else. In my case, though, I really liked being alone, and I think if the Mister and I ever parted, I'd grieve, etc., but I'd be fine going back to that place. But I think that has a lot to do with the path I've taken, and some of my philosophical/spiritual beliefs I acquired along the way. Again, everyone is different.

To littlewonder: I relate to that. I had always stifled myself in relationships, thinking "Oh he wouldn't want to hear that" or even being told not to express or think or feel certain things. This time around (I think because I didn't care if I stayed in a relationship or not), I made it a point to NOT stifle, and figured if he couldn't deal with it we weren't well matched. But he receives everything, and is loving about it (just last night I had a PTSD melt down - first in over a year - over something "silly", but he just held me and reassured me while I sobbed like a fool). I hold nothing back with him. Never have.

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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/27/2013 11:08:35 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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Thanks. Normal would be very welcome these days and I completely agree that those highs are not real.

I don't have a solution, so I just keep working on me.

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Post #: 46

RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/28/2013 8:07:16 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I actually have had a few Dommes here on Collarme and on Fetlife send me messages saying they would love to collar me.The only real issue I have had,is that they live too far.

Just a bit off topic but I was in a message board conversation once and this guy pops on and randomly asked me if I knew how to fry okra. I gave the screen my confused look before saying I had never fried okra before but it could not be much different then chicken or jalapenos, why. He replied because I would marry you if you could fry okra, I just want a woman who can fry okra. I had to laugh and tell him my husband would have something to say about that. LOL the internet can be a crazy place! :D

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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/29/2013 10:29:29 AM

TAKEME9547

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/11/2012
Status: offline

I meet this guy online, and for 3 months we emailed each other at least 4-30 times a day..thinking back I was silly not to expect more from him. Anyway fast forward to this month and I am traveling almost cross country to come and be with my mom and I have a horrible feeling that something is wrong between the two of us..so I jot him an email and ask him..so here is his reply...

quote:

Yes sweet Mary. I have found a submissive that lives in Dallas who interests me. I am considering her. I appreciate your friendship but distance is a challenge for me.

My thought is did he not have a map when we first started talking? I feel silly letting the "relationship" go on for as long as it did...but the worst part about this is that I grew to know him, not any with any other senses but just his words.

Guess I just needed to share this with someone...this has been my first encounter and only with a Dominant...funny thing is that I miss his personality and emails.
Thanks again for listening.

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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/29/2013 10:40:01 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TAKEME9547

I meet this guy online, and for 3 months we emailed each other at least 4-30 times a day..thinking back I was silly not to expect more from him. Anyway fast forward to this month and I am traveling almost cross country to come and be with my mom and I have a horrible feeling that something is wrong between the two of us..so I jot him an email and ask him..so here is his reply...

quote:

Yes sweet Mary. I have found a submissive that lives in Dallas who interests me. I am considering her. I appreciate your friendship but distance is a challenge for me.

My thought is did he not have a map when we first started talking? I feel silly letting the "relationship" go on for as long as it did...but the worst part about this is that I grew to know him, not any with any other senses but just his words.

Guess I just needed to share this with someone...this has been my first encounter and only with a Dominant...funny thing is that I miss his personality and emails.
Thanks again for listening.

While I feel bad that this ended badly for you, I will say that this is a perfect example of what many of us say over and over again: 1) Until you have met face to face, you really don't know that person. (For all you know he's married, his wife caught him and he's feeding you a story) and 2) You shouldn't get emotionally invested in online interactions or someone that you haven't met.

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RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships - 5/29/2013 10:43:23 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAKEME9547

I meet this guy online, and for 3 months we emailed each other at least 4-30 times a day..thinking back I was silly not to expect more from him. Anyway fast forward to this month and I am traveling almost cross country to come and be with my mom and I have a horrible feeling that something is wrong between the two of us..so I jot him an email and ask him..so here is his reply...

quote:

Yes sweet Mary. I have found a submissive that lives in Dallas who interests me. I am considering her. I appreciate your friendship but distance is a challenge for me.

My thought is did he not have a map when we first started talking? I feel silly letting the "relationship" go on for as long as it did...but the worst part about this is that I grew to know him, not any with any other senses but just his words.

Guess I just needed to share this with someone...this has been my first encounter and only with a Dominant...funny thing is that I miss his personality and emails.
Thanks again for listening.

Thank goodness you found out now before putting any more effort into someone that wasn't a match for you. We've all made mistakes, learn from this one so you can move on and be the better for it.

Just a thought...he may have been married so when it came to be closer to having you there in person he knew he had to end it. Lots of married men out there that push for online interaction and then call it off when they can't take it beyond that.

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Post #: 50