RE: Afraid to tell him I am not happy..

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RE: Afraid to tell him I am not happy.. - 6/1/2013 9:20:59 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Haven't you blown him just to make him happy even though you didn't want to? Why does he have to want everything you do? Let him be a "service top" if he wants.

Thank you! I actually wonder at the relationships I read about where doing something nice for the person you claim to love is wholly unacceptable. Lord knows I've changed myself in much more substantive ways than "being a service top" in order to be as good for Carol as possible.

OP:
This line here bothered me, "it really upsets me because i adore him, and his personality but i am not getting the structure/control/feelings of
protection and belonging that i need!"

I'd like a lot more clarity on that point. What is he not doing or providing that you need? Got any examples?

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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Post #: 21

RE: Afraid to tell him I am not happy.. - 6/1/2013 9:59:12 PM

littleclip

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lalakitten

This is my very first time posting on this forum, and I am more than likely suffering the consequences...>___<
i should have gotten more help, asked more questions, before my heart became so deeply engraved with this man.

Let me say briefly, that I have only a few years experience/training in being a slave/pet, and only two different Masters.
The second is the one I am currently with, who I met in a vanilla-esque fashion, and eventually told about my submissive
lifestyle. He told me that he was more than willing to learn and gain a deeper understanding of being a dom(for it was his natural
assertiveness/control that attracted me), in order for us to establish a relationship....

what i did not specify, and He didn't know, is that I certainly can't teach him how to be a dominant!!
and the issue is that he is such a recluse, he is unwilling to even talk/chat with any other D/s's in the local
community OR through online chats and forums..

it really upsets me because i adore him, and his personality but i am not getting the structure/control/feelings of
protection and belonging that i need!

i did ask him to sit with me and talk about ALL of the above(i didn't leave anything out, promise!), and he seemed to be insulted. as if i was accusing him or blaming him for NOT being a 'know-it-all' of his role and how he should be with me. That was not what I meant it at all!

i'm thinking that i will be unable to continue this relationship, just because i feel so unfulfilled, and it's not fair to him either!
but i am so afraid of leaving, and of being alone. i can hardly handle being away from him due to the fact that we are unable to live together. so....i would like some feedback and advice, if anyone would be so kind. ^^

thanks!

xoxo,

a very confused little kitten.

i can say that not letting him know what your feeling and why is the worst thing to do. in the dynamic there needs to be a place or time ect that all feelings and likes and dislikes can be brought forward or else the dynamic will self destruct

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Post #: 22

RE: Afraid to tell him I am not happy.. - 6/2/2013 4:37:41 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lalakitten

and the issue is that he is such a recluse, he is unwilling to even talk/chat with any other D/s's in the local
community OR through online chats and forums..

<snipped>

i did ask him to sit with me and talk about ALL of the above(i didn't leave anything out, promise!), and he seemed to be insulted. as if i was accusing him or blaming him for NOT being a 'know-it-all' of his role and how he should be with me. That was not what I meant it at all!

OP

To be dominant your man doesn't need to speak to anyone, he needs to know his own mind. However, if you have a vision of a dominant in your mind and he needs to measure up to that... well that's not really him being dominant, just acting out your fantasy.

As for his insultedness(?) I can see why. Maybe that isn't how you meant it, but it is how it reads to me too.

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Post #: 23

RE: Afraid to tell him I am not happy.. - 6/2/2013 7:02:32 AM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I'd rather be single and alone but happy,then be in any relationship where its clear its just a one sided relationship. Me,myself and I. That's just me

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Post #: 24

RE: Afraid to tell him I am not happy.. - 6/2/2013 10:34:09 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

He's not the right Dom for you, and you can't change him into the right Dom for you. I know that sounds brutal but it's the truth.

I used to think that newbie Doms did need to learn how to be Doms and that over time they would learn how to be 'good Doms'.

However the truth is that every Dom has his own personality and his own vision of a power exchange, and it's very unlikely that this can change.

You can teach a Dom how to cane you, but you can't teach a Dom how to want to cane you. If he doesn't want to learn to change, then he won't change, simple as.

I'd move on, and find someone more compatible for you.

(in reply to lalakitten)

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Post #: 25