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RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 5/28/2013 12:23:38 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

you wrote "I am new to ts,". To me that means a guy becoming a gal. I have no interest in such a person. Somebody may. If that is you, then so be it and good luck.
I would change the primary photo. The eyes looking away are a turnoff. The hand positions do not help either.

Now IF I were to persue you, I would write something to verify you are you and mean what you wrote. After a short period of such exchanges, telephone conversations would follow. I would experiment with your obedience by giving you orders over the telephone that you could do while on the phone. I'm not into phone sex, but I can not be driving halfway across the country to meet someone who does not obey simple things. I would teach you "Safe Call" procedures. IF I were to agree to meet you, it would be a public place like Denny's. IF I liked what I see, you would be given a choice to go to a hotel or go home. A smart gal would go home and think about it. That choice is a kind of test to see how "easy" you are.
IF you chose the hotel, you would be expected to strip and show me the merchandise. I would gage how comfortable you become spending time nude with a stranger. Depending on how things go, it may be a vanilla night or mild bondage ... D/s activity. A Safeword would be taught.

Know this. In practice, a submissive is entitled to all I have described. A slave declares total trust and obedience to the DOM or Master she is without limits. NO female should be a slave until they have experienced submissive status for a while. Therefore, if you have safety concerns, change your status to female submissive for now.




This is how [my] Master pursued me (to use your word).

He sent me a thoughtful cmail with interesting questions based on things in my profile.
They were 'vanilla' subjects.

When I answered back, He responded with more of the same.
His cmails were funny and engaging.

We met for lunch 2-3 weeks later.
There was zero nudity involved and no D/s.

I think after another couple of lunches we shared a bath together.
(And that was nude.)

There should not be any safety concerns.
A female slave can be a self-declared slave until she chooses a Master to serve.
A prospective dominant partner should respect limits...so again, there should not be any safety concerns.
Oside is correct: everyone has limits.

I am [my] Master's slave and I still have safe words.
He simply will not play without them.
That makes Him no less a Master or me no less His slave.

I am [my] Master's slave because he earned my trust.
That was not instantaneous.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/1/2013 9:54:30 AM   
garyFLR


Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

Treat it like dating. If you find you would rather be elsewhere, go.


Agree totally if you feel uncomfortable, then it's wrong, & the search continues, also don't be in a hurry. Sooner or later, we all find what we're searching for.

Good luck in your search.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/1/2013 2:32:48 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		One thing i would say would be to meet people you talk to early. Its easy to talk a good game on the puter, but harder to keep it up in realtime. Besides, you might like someone online, and have no connection to them in the flesh.

And if you do, and after a cup of coffee or a drink, you feel no connection, don't be shy about saying so. Otherwise you waste your time and his.

One thing i love about what we do, is that i have become very comfortable with being completely honest. The first time my dom asked me something that i thought he wouldn't like the answer to, i sucked it up and was completely honest - it was ok! He respected that i was comfortable enough with him to be open. From my experience, if you can't be honest, you won't get the relationship you want.

(in reply to garyFLR)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/1/2013 7:30:13 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

you wrote "I am new to ts,". To me that means a guy becoming a gal. I have no interest in such a person. Somebody may. If that is you, then so be it and good luck.
I would change the primary photo. The eyes looking away are a turnoff. The hand positions do not help either.

Now IF I were to persue you, I would write something to verify you are you and mean what you wrote. After a short period of such exchanges, telephone conversations would follow. I would experiment with your obedience by giving you orders over the telephone that you could do while on the phone. I'm not into phone sex, but I can not be driving halfway across the country to meet someone who does not obey simple things. I would teach you "Safe Call" procedures. IF I were to agree to meet you, it would be a public place like Denny's. IF I liked what I see, you would be given a choice to go to a hotel or go home. A smart gal would go home and think about it. That choice is a kind of test to see how "easy" you are.
IF you chose the hotel, you would be expected to strip and show me the merchandise. I would gage how comfortable you become spending time nude with a stranger. Depending on how things go, it may be a vanilla night or mild bondage ... D/s activity. A Safeword would be taught.

Know this. In practice, a submissive is entitled to all I have described. A slave declares total trust and obedience to the DOM or Master she is without limits. NO female should be a slave until they have experienced submissive status for a while. Therefore, if you have safety concerns, change your status to female submissive for now.




Just about everything you have said is what most of us experienced women recommend newbie's run away from as fast as they can.

You give orders over the phone to someone you don't know? I would hang up on you if we ever got that far. Based on your profile, you aren't looking for a relationship and lack the concept that whoever you are talking to is giving YOU a trial run as well.

You test people? Again, if someone is looking for a relationship, "testing" isn't going to get us to one.

Your opinion of the difference between submissive and slave is nothing more than that, opinion. A person can say they are whatever they want to be. If that doesn't agree with your definition, it simply means you aren't compatible, not they are identifying themselves as something they aren't.

Your post above, and your profile reads like BDSM erotic literature bullshit. Not typical of someone who claims 10 years experience.

To the OP, as mentioned many times before (although you have yet to return to the thread), choose the same way you chose before you discovered BDSM. Look for someone who is compatible with you when the sex and the kink is out of play. Because even for the 24/7 people, they need to be able to hold a conversation outside of sex and play. If you do this, I can't say you won't make any mistakes, but they will be less and happen in a shorter period of time so you don't get terribly attached before you discover you aren't compatible.

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/4/2013 12:17:18 PM   
SoulcatcherXXX


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/28/2004
Status: offline 		Lots of good advice here from others! Getting the perfect match is the most difficult part and can't be rushed. The best tip I'd give you is that it's better to have no Dom than the wrong Dom. So don't be in a big hurry, mistakes can be costly and this isn't a race. When preferences as to kinks and lifestyle choices match up, things go much smoother and life is far easier...so look for that if you can. Take your time, don't ever get desperate and jump in without careful thought first. There is no right or wrong way to practice D/s...whatever works for the people involved is the right way...for them. So find a Dom whose way of life harmonizes with your own and then you'll have a solid starting point from which all good things can flow in time. :)

(in reply to AngelicScorpio)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/4/2013 8:08:59 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
quote:

NO female should be a slave until they have experienced submissive status for a while.
I somewhat agree with that, but in my view it's "until you have enough experience to make the decision".

Yeah... OsideGirl's formulation is better. Carol is a great example of that. She went from vanilla to slave with zero experience of slavery. She did, however, have about 12 years of experience with me as a husband. She had plenty of experience to make the decision with.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/5/2013 2:43:28 AM   
SunTzuSwe


Posts: 82
Joined: 4/25/2013
Status: offline 		I don't know how much more I can add to the great advice already given in this thread but yeah, it's like any other dating.
When it clicks it clicks!

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/5/2013 3:07:49 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		how to safely pick a dom?

I think the most importasnt thing is to do it, at the right time. The dom should be ripe but not over ripe.

As far as safety; if you need to use a step-ladder to reach the dom, make sure you attach a dropline to a nearby tree, fence or older, thicker dom vine.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SunTzuSwe)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/5/2013 8:07:38 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		I like the idea of a Dom orchard

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/14/2013 1:13:54 AM   
WCossey


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/2/2013
Status: offline 		First of all DaddySatyr that was a very funny post. Now then how to safely pick a dom. The best advice I can give anyone reading (or caring what I say anyways which very well may be no one) Just take it slow, if the potential dom starts talking about sexual activities too early then that is usually all they are looking for. Also my advice is to figure out exactly what you want in a dom, what type of bdsm activities you are interested in (not just sexual) and add that. If the dom is interested in more then just sex then they will want some other information to talk with you about, so give them some. Maybe your vanilla hobbies or interests. Even a joke you find funny something so when they look at your profile they will realize you are not just wanting sex but you want a relationship. (Also I have not looked at your profile and if you have already done these sorry but this will also hopefully help others that might look at this thread) And for everyone please do not say you are a "NO limit slave" because you do have limits, everyone has limits. To anyone who says they are truly "NO limit slaves" then here is an order for you, Put a loaded gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. If you are still reading this then you DO have limits.

Sorry I know I ranted a little bit there but to me anyone saying they are a truly "NO limit slave" is either lying, delusional, or just plain stupid.

That is my two cents.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/23/2013 8:45:54 AM   
MasterSignusNova


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/22/2013
Status: offline 		it depends what you want in a Dom. try to find someone who can take time with you guiding you and teaching you. He should make time for you. He shuold be in control of his life first before he can control yours. Have fun

(in reply to AngelicScorpio)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 4:17:35 PM   
MyrnaM


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/25/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
Treat it like dating. If you find you would rather be elsewhere, go.


Sir, I'm new and trying to learn. I'm trained that we can't just go if we want to go. We have to be released by one Master before we can be available for another one. This is the rule of my Master. i thought it was a universal rule.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 4:26:32 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyrnaM

Sir, I'm new and trying to learn. I'm trained that we can't just go if we want to go. We have to be released by one Master before we can be available for another one. This is the rule of my Master. i thought it was a universal rule.


Of course you can go, walk away.

There are no universal rules, there are some generalities, but certainly no consensus on any set of standards.

(in reply to MyrnaM)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 4:33:08 PM   
MyrnaM


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/25/2013
Status: offline 		Ok, thank you lizi.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 4:39:19 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyrnaM

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
Treat it like dating. If you find you would rather be elsewhere, go.


Sir, I'm new and trying to learn. I'm trained that we can't just go if we want to go. We have to be released by one Master before we can be available for another one. This is the rule of my Master. i thought it was a universal rule.

And just to add to Lizi's post, Once you have decided he is no longer your master, you are no longer beholding to him or his 'rules'.
You just pack and go. Period.
There is no law in this world that would back your ex-dom if he tried to stop you leaving because his actions would be classed as 'imprisonment' which is illegal.

(in reply to MyrnaM)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 4:45:38 PM   
MyrnaM


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/25/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you freedom. i appreciate what you wrote. i think i just want to be respectful always and i feel grateful a Master would consider me. Maybe my self-esteem is very low. Well also, i'm very new to this lifestyle so i really don't know the rules much at all.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 4:55:58 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Stick around, read threads, ask questions.
I was in a RL D/s relationship once where a man told me I had to beg for release if I wanted to be done. At the time I was new, but thought that was interesting, as I had no intention of continuing to date him if I didn't want to. He ended up telling me more things that were just as interesting, and when he got to the part one day where I was supposed to combine incomes with him (financial slavery) I laughed at him and went on my way- didn't answer his calls or return his emails and certainly no more dates. The world did not end when I decided myself that i was done and I went on to date other Dominant men asap without having his blessing.

(in reply to MyrnaM)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 4:58:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyrnaM

Thank you freedom. i appreciate what you wrote. i think i just want to be respectful always and i feel grateful a Master would consider me. Maybe my self-esteem is very low. Well also, i'm very new to this lifestyle so i really don't know the rules much at all.



You already forgot, there are no rules

This lifestyle isn't something different than dating. Would you date someone and when you wanted to move on, ask him for permission? Then don't think you have to do it now. This stuff isn't different than life before kink. However you dated before and what you did with your partners before is what you do now.

(in reply to MyrnaM)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 5:03:08 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyrnaM

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
Treat it like dating. If you find you would rather be elsewhere, go.


Sir, I'm new and trying to learn. I'm trained that we can't just go if we want to go. We have to be released by one Master before we can be available for another one. This is the rule of my Master. i thought it was a universal rule.



One can decide that a master is incompatible with you or your vision of a relationship and one can be very selective in choosing a master.
And once you determine he is not the master for you, you can end your relationship.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to MyrnaM)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: how to safely pick a dom? - 6/30/2013 5:06:25 PM   
MyrnaM


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/25/2013
Status: offline 		lizi, thank you so much for your advice and guidance. i so much appreciate it!

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 40
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