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How to legitimately seek a submissive without sounding ... - 5/28/2013 7:05:00 AM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

I've seen a bunch of 'how to avoid the fake people threads' but not really any on how to better communicate that I'm a real person looking for another real person for offline play. Basic run down of my current story: I received clearance by my Master to have a male play partner. I also feel my Master would benefit from finding a female play partner to further understand the minds and nature of different submissives and it would help in his growth. I also want to make sure he's not feeling left behind when I go out to play. As to why he's not doing the searching himself, I just thought I would receive more answers using my profile as it stands out from the sea of blue names.

What I'm asking is, is there any defining factor, words, or feeling you get from an email that makes you feel like replying or taking the person seriously? I do my best to read the full profile, state my intentions clearly, ask them about themselves and try to start up a discussion. Yet i keep reading over my own emails and I'm even starting to sound fake in my head. How can I realistically be taken seriously by potential play partners?

Thanks for reading, ill do my best to withstand the scrutiny of the forums even though it scares me.

Post #: 1

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 7:17:31 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

You're not going to like this, but as a female sub (so your Master's target audience) I wouldn't respond to another sub approaching me for her Master. I want to speak directly to the person I'm going to be involved in and make my own judgements about him, not hear the highlights from someone whose opinion will naturally be biased towards him. A couple's profile would probably serve you better on that front. Not to mention all the pictures (or most, I didn't look at every one) are sexually explicit pictures of YOU. Problems: a) I'm not interested in seeing you so much as seeing the person who I'd be playing with and b) women, even those looking for sex, don't tend to be as impressed by photos of boobs and butts as men are. In short, it's not that you seem fake, but perhaps you're not appealing to your target audience.

There are not a huge amount of women looking to just be casual partners, and a lot of horny people wanting to get at them, so no matter how you put yourself across your competition is fierce.

Are you active in your local community? If people meet you in the flesh at munches and play parties, they will be 100% sure that you are real people. People can then get to know how great you both are and you may get invited to play. Sheer numbers will be more in your favour in person too, and you know everyone you meet will be local.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 2

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 7:22:53 AM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for replying, we do have a couples profile and I probably should be using it. Good idea.

I'm also active in my local community but I want to try to find new people and bring them in, like I was when I first started out on here. I was too scared to go to a munch or anything, but I was able to talk online about bdsm. I guess I want to try and help out someone newer to the scene I suppose.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 3

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 7:28:20 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Well now we're talking about two different things. Just wanting to give someone the chance to talk about BDSM or introduce someone new to your local munch is going to take a very different approach than looking for a play partner. That just requires you make yourself available and friendly. If your munch has a group on fet you could volunteer to be someone people could contact if they were considering their first munch. But I'd be very cautious about mixing the two roles - you wouldn't want people to get the impression that you are 'helping' those new to the scene by trying to claim them as your partners, because then you might come off as predatory.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 4

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 7:46:03 AM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

True. I guess I do have two purposes, I don't want to come on too strong to someone, if it turns out they don't want a play partner, I'd still like to be friends and help them out. I already do that with a lot of my friends from school. I enjoy taking them to the bdsm club I go to and introduce them to the lifestyle. It interests a good amount of them and even if its not their thing they still enjoy learning about something new.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 8:04:18 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Oh boy, this is going to sound so very alarmist - and I'm really not an alarmist - but have you discussed the fact that you are inviting people to the club who aren't already involved in BDSM with the BDSM club members/leaders?

Bringing people to a BDSM club who are not prepared or personally interested in BDSM could open a few unpleasant can of worms for the club. Not everyone who sees someone being whipped on a cross or hung by meat hooks (depending on the BDSM club you attend) is going to come away without warm fuzzies.

ETA: Sorry, I didn't answer your original post and apologize for the slight swerve off topic.

There really isn't any template you can use to attract someone. Don't take it personal, when your approach doesn't work. Some people will take offense at the silliest or slightest things and it may not be anything you said or did or didn't say or do.

Be yourselves, enjoy each other and be a strong well balanced couple to start with - this will do a lot to make your relationship attractive to others. Be a couple that others would want to be a part of, and make that evident in how you present yourself.

Maybe some couples pictures doing things you enjoy.

Post as a couple, so people in the forums and those who read them can get a feel for how the two of you live your lives and handle daily and lifestyle situations.

Attend munches and play parties or events (if that's your thing) and develope a presence that fairly and honestly reveals you both as a couple.

Host parties or other events in your home - that is where I met the couple I joined as part of their household. I'm not with them now, but interacting with them in their home and being a part of their lives really drew me in (some might say suckered me in.)

Best of wishes and hope for success in your search.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 5/28/2013 8:14:30 AM >

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 6

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 8:15:28 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

How to find a sub w/o sounding fake? Um, don't be fake. Or a flake.

I've found honesty, integrity, humor along with an understanding of etiquette serves me in most social situations.

As far as people online taking your seriously, no matter what you do, a high percentage won't. It's not you, it's them. They don't take people seriously, b/c *they* aren't serious.

Over time you will develop a filtering system that works for you.

_____________________________

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 7

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 8:25:22 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

PS - if those pictures in your profile are of you both - let me just say you are doing a good job presenting as HOT and Sexy. Didn't even get to your profile, but I did enjoy the pictures.

Also, read your profile and owe you an apology for not doing my research before offering any advice. I was approaching the question with your seeking someone to join your family in mind and obviously screwed the pooch (figuratively speaking!) on my answer. Seeking play partners and casual is a bit different, maybe? Not sure.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 5/28/2013 8:28:37 AM >

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 8

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 9:48:50 AM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I guess I'll go work on revamping our couples profile and try again. About inviting new people to clubs, I only invite friends who want to go who I know will be respectfull. I'm not gonong to force my interests on non consenting friends. Any other advice pertaining to the kind of emails submissives like to receive? I have my own opinion of what I like, but I know everyone's different so I wonder if there's something I haven't thought of writing in my emails yet.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 9

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 9:56:55 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You're looking for a new partner yet your profile says in large letters that you only have one relationship at a time. By definition, the new partner can expect to be unimportant to you. You really think there are huge numbers of people out there who want to feel that their partner doesn't care about them?

Honestly, you don't sound ready to take on another relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 10

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 10:39:17 AM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

That fist part was just an attempt to deter emails from male dominants trying to 'claim' me. Plus my Master loved the line 'one track mind' so I felt I had to keep that up there.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 10:44:10 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Tats,
regardless of who it is aimed at, it is part of your approach. I am a single sub, and I am not interested in someone who wouldn't at least be my friend and take me seriously. I think you've already hit on the answer to this - focus on your couples profile. Don't emphasize quite so much that she will just be a 'good times' playmate - I mean, be honest, but you say on here you are interested in being her friend.

To be honest, one of my major hard limits is I will not play with someone in a relationship when their significant other wishes I wasn't there. Doesn't matter a wit to me that he's the boss and he gets what he wants - it may matter to her, but he's not my boss yet, and I do care what she wants. And, honestly, that's how your profile comes off, as if you are looking for someone for Master cause he told you to, but you kinda hate the idea. It's gonna be a turnoff.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 12

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 11:40:22 PM

inchargeinca

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/26/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tatsuchan18

I've seen a bunch of 'how to avoid the fake people threads' but not really any on how to better communicate that I'm a real person looking for another real person for offline play. Basic run down of my current story: I received clearance by my Master to have a male play partner. I also feel my Master would benefit from finding a female play partner to further understand the minds and nature of different submissives and it would help in his growth. I also want to make sure he's not feeling left behind when I go out to play. As to why he's not doing the searching himself, I just thought I would receive more answers using my profile as it stands out from the sea of blue names.

What I'm asking is, is there any defining factor, words, or feeling you get from an email that makes you feel like replying or taking the person seriously? I do my best to read the full profile, state my intentions clearly, ask them about themselves and try to start up a discussion. Yet i keep reading over my own emails and I'm even starting to sound fake in my head. How can I realistically be taken seriously by potential play partners?

Thanks for reading, ill do my best to withstand the scrutiny of the forums even though it scares me.

Personally, I find it offputting when someone contacts me on behalf of someone else. My typical response is, "No need for a middle man-- just have them contact me directly."

If you are contacting women about a threesome, that's one thing. But if you are not going to be involved in the interaction between the sub and your master, he should be the one reaching out to them.

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 13

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/28/2013 11:52:13 PM

inchargeinca

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/26/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tatsuchan18

Thanks for replying, we do have a couples profile and I probably should be using it. Good idea.

Personally, I think it's a mistake to approach women as a couple if it's really just the man who is looking for another sub who will not interact with you as a couple.

I think, for one thing, you are not appreciating that most subs won't be interested in a dom who already has a sub. So you approaching them for him, or approaching them as a couple, is probably a negative.

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 14

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/29/2013 7:51:03 AM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

Alright I guess I'll just let him find someone when he wants to find them? Thanks for all the advice everyone. ^^
Incidentally of all the girls I messaged, the only ones that messaged back turned out to be men (Im assuming) in disguise.

(in reply to inchargeinca)

Post #: 15

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/29/2013 9:58:31 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inchargeinca

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tatsuchan18

Thanks for replying, we do have a couples profile and I probably should be using it. Good idea.

Personally, I think it's a mistake to approach women as a couple if it's really just the man who is looking for another sub who will not interact with you as a couple.

I think, for one thing, you are not appreciating that most subs won't be interested in a dom who already has a sub. So you approaching them for him, or approaching them as a couple, is probably a negative.

Not really.

I would want to know that his current partner is on board with the situation. So, at some point I would want to talk to both.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to inchargeinca)

Post #: 16

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/29/2013 3:09:02 PM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

So I understand that the type of profile and content of the profile is important, but what about the emails themselves? I tend to not answer the ones that are even just. A 'hi how are you' because they seem boring to me. I'm not sure how to make emails sound interesting without straight up asking "would you be interested in finding a play partner".

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/29/2013 3:15:28 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tatsuchan18
I also feel my Master would benefit from finding a female play partner to further understand the minds and nature of
different submissives and it would help in his growth. I also want to make sure he's not feeling left behind when I go out to play.

This sounds less like your Master really having an interest in being with someone else, and more like you need
him to be with another to assuage whatever guilt you may have for playing with another, even with his permission.
I wonder if anyone you are contacting is also getting that vibe?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tatsuchan18
I do my best to read the full profile, state my intentions clearly, ask them about themselves and try to start up
a discussion.

I've read all three of your profiles, and while I'm not your target audience, I did find some appeal in them. You look
like a fun loving couple, and it shouldn't take you long to find friends here. I would use that as the basis of your
approach, as opposed to asking them if they are interested in playing with your Master.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 18

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/29/2013 3:43:48 PM

Tatsuchan18

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

Ok thanks for the advice. ^^

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 19

RE: How to legitimately seek a submissive without sound... - 5/29/2013 6:57:05 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

How to legitimately seek a submissive without sounding fake

Be honest. Be real. Be straight up front with who you are and what your situation is.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Tatsuchan18)

Post #: 20

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