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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 5/31/2013 11:19:16 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		You're asking if anyone else wants to whine about how mean and awful boys are because they can't respect other people.

We got it. Believe me. We got it after the last 10,000th post made by someone who wants to complain about how awful people are to them and 'can you believe it?!?'

You are free to complain and think people are awful and closed minded and rude and whatever else. That means we are also free to tell you what we think since you put your thoughts out there for us to COMMENT on.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 5/31/2013 11:25:37 PM   
curious23


Posts: 59
Joined: 12/8/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

You're asking if anyone else wants to whine about how mean and awful boys are because they can't respect other people.

We got it. Believe me. We got it after the last 10,000th post made by someone who wants to complain about how awful people are to them and 'can you believe it?!?'

You are free to complain and think people are awful and closed minded and rude and whatever else. That means we are also free to tell you what we think since you put your thoughts out there for us to COMMENT on.



Lol complain. I asked for advice on how they deal with abuse INTERNALLY. That's all. I didn't ask on how to reduce the abuse or ask about why it happens. Abuse is abuse and what my profile says is irrelevant AS I pointed out (my vanilla profile got the same amount of abuse for any number of different things be it age, race, the fact that I'm american, etc).

You are right. You are free to comment but, for the love of God, please have your facts straight about what it being asked instead of assuming shit. Because that's all this is. Because you've seen it so many times, you're assuming that I'm yet another girl who's complaining about mean messages and how to stop them and why they happen when I'm NOT.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 5/31/2013 11:26:12 PM   
MistressSnow


Posts: 59
Joined: 5/19/2004
From: Santa Monica, CA
Status: offline 		Curious23,
I will not get involved in the weird slant that some are taking this to. However, if you are in the male dominated profession of "stripping" - I totally understand how you feel. In my opinion, you are burnt out on male energy. This happened to me when I was pro-domming (I know NOT the same as stripping, but close in the sense of the gender/energy of the clients, ALL MALE). Try to surround yourself with women and dare I go out on a limb and say if you are at all inclined, seek female company, if you know what I mean..... Just saying. Balance it out. If you cannot swing that way, make sure to have a lot interaction with females on your down time. Truthfully it helped me.

Best of luck to ya......



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aka
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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 5/31/2013 11:27:20 PM   
deliriuminabox


Posts: 135
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

I am all about women exploring their sexuality. You wanna be a stripper; you go for it honey. Be the best stripper you can be. Make that money. My niece did it for years. If you're smart about it, you can make a killing.

But here's the thing ... You lose all credibility to complain when you make your very sexy job (and the fact that you WANT men to call you over and objectify you) the focal point of your profile. At one point I "mentioned" in my profile that I worked as a phone sex girl. It wasn't even the focal point; it was just me being honest about how I earn a living. I took it out of my profile because I realized it was attracting the WRONG kind of attention on this site.

You asked about being too jaded for love or sex; well, the men you attract will contribute to your becoming jaded. If you want to attract quality men, write a quality profile. A lot of your success on this site will be about the type of net you choose to cast and right now you're casting a net that attracts horny men who're thinking with their dicks and not their brains.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 5/31/2013 11:39:39 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think that no matter what you say in a profile, you will get the same idiots.

It does not matter what your job is.

You are asking how to deal with it internally and it is hard to feel jaded.

The only thing you can do is just live your life honestly and look for red flags and stop when you see them.

I became jaded after my last relationship so I stepped away from dating for a time

Now I am open to it, but cautious. For me, what will convince me, is someone who really shows interest in me as a person and whose actions back up his words.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 5/31/2013 11:42:04 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I certainly see nothing wrong with strippers.Hey,its a legal profession. I even think prostitution should be legal like how Nevada has it set up. I really do have a "live and let live" mentality. As long as someone isn't harming other people,hey,more power to them. If its consensual from a Dom/Domme,clearly that's an exception to that.But that's consensual.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 5/31/2013 11:56:46 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
The OP wasn't asking how do I meet Mr.Right or Mr.Trustworthy, she was asking for ways to not screw it up if she does meet him.

Does she attract untrustworthy types? Well hells bells just being on a kink site will do that.


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What you permit, you promote.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 12:03:23 AM   
curious23


Posts: 59
Joined: 12/8/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden


The OP wasn't asking how do I meet Mr.Right or Mr.Trustworthy, she was asking for ways to not screw it up if she does meet him.

Does she attract untrustworthy types? Well hells bells just being on a kink site will do that.




THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOU!

I'm going to bed now. I wasn't expecting this to go over so many peoples' heads.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 12:20:34 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		OK, so let's address your questions directly

quote:


So basically I feel like I've become so bitter and jaded that I'm actually in my own way of finding the right guy. What do you guys who face this do to not be so untrusting towards people who message you?



I try to attract the kind of people I want to be with. I don't want someone who only wants me for sex or kink, so I tailor my profile to show the 'real' me, not just the 'sex/kink' me.

Once I've attracted someone that may well be quality, I take my time, get to know them. Don't talk about sex, talk about life stuff. Usually sparked by something that's in my profile, or in his. Once we've been talking a while, meet for coffee.

Soooo...my previous advice still stands.

quote:



Do you just take a chance on the nice guy who might do a 180 when you're at your most vulnerable?



If you chat to a nice guy, you meet for coffee. Yeah, you risk him not being the nice guy you thought. Sometimes it takes a few dates before the nice guy turns into a fuckwit. That's why you date. Get to know each other - go for dinner, to the cinema, bowling, whatever floats your boat. Keep it public so that if he does behave inappropriately, you are as safe as you can be. It has happened to me. Hell, I'm pretty sure it happens to most people, kinky or 'nilla.

If we're talking about emotional vulnerability, then if he is a good guy then he's at his most vulnerable too. Women don't have the monopoly on feelings at the beginning of a potential new relationship. Don't invest too much in a guy before you really get to know him.

If we're talking about physical vulnerability, then it's no different to dating in vanilla land. Be cautious, don't let your vag make the decisions and don't do dumb shit that will end up with your body being tossed into a dumpster.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 12:21:59 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curious23

What do you guys who face this do to not be so untrusting towards people who message you?


When it comes to online the only thing I trust is my gut. I have no obligations to strangers just because they email.. nor do you.

quote:

Do you just take a chance on the nice guy who might do a 180 when you're at your most vulnerable?

Well, no risk, no reward but you can decrease your risk. There is less need to take chances when you take your time.

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 12:34:35 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		gotta kiss alot of frogs, that's just the way it is, some women more than others
I gotta admit, I've been meeting more nasty doms than nice doms in CL.
Probably why lately, I've been dating vanilla again. I can't stand being disrespected outside of the bedroom, it turns me pretty alpha and angry. Humiliation may be my kink, but only when role play starts, and vanilla men are just of higher percentages of polite and respectful because there are just too many doms on CL, who thinks, just cuz you're a sub, and you like humiliation, they treat you like that from the start, at least the horrible ones I am meeting here, and so many annoyingly married ones who complain to me their wives aren't into d/s, boo hoo hoo, like I give a damn and want to be a third party.
I mean, i'm complaining, but I know it's life, sometimes, you just got to deal with lots of idiots.
As I said, if you don't kiss all the frogs, you never know your prince might be among them. I also believe that someone who is meant for you, you can't "do anything wrong" to chase him away.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/1/2013 12:48:56 AM >

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 3:14:25 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

I asked for advice on how they deal with abuse INTERNALLY. That's all. I didn't ask on how to reduce the abuse or ask about why it happens.


It used to upset me. I kept deleting my profile, not planning to come back. No flouncing, lol, I'd just gnash my teeth, glare murder at the screen and growl "That's IT! I am soooo tired of this CR*P!" and then the deleting would begin. (I only did this for a year or two.)

How do I deal with them internally now? Well, some of the jerks write such common, predictable insults that it's almost like reading a form letter. The only differences are spelling errors, or if someone typed it with one hand or two, in text speak, or if I have to wonder if it was one of my past college professors... If my slave is nearby I'll call him over and I will read the insulting letter out loud while laughing, and afterward I will first block the sender, and then I report it as spam and delete. Rarely do they make a second or third profile to harass me further.

I'm sure you're used to dealing with these types of guys at work. The ones who come into the bar, pissed off at their wife, mother, boss, or at life in general, and need someone to vent their hate and rage upon. You are no less of a target here than you are at your job, only...the volume of men who can "see" you here is a lot larger. Also, some guys would restrain themselves in a gentleman's club, possibly afraid that some other guy would knock their teeth out in the parking lot (or that the bouncer or bartender would be your boyfriend, slipping them a micky or slashing their tires or worse), but on the internet...they feel safe from any significant retaliation. At least here...once you've identified an asshat you can block him from sending you more mail.

Hover your mouse over an unopened letter and you can read most of it without opening it. If someone is acting like a jerk, sometimes it's fun to really piss them off by deleting it unread, lol. Either keep doing that and laugh yourself silly, or decide to end the show by opening one up and using the block button. Any written replies will just get you more abuse.

With some people negative attention is better than no attention at all...so...withhold giving them what they want. "Don't feed the trolls."

Btw, one guy who lives nearby...behaved like a complete jerk two and a half years ago. It makes me laugh inside (hello, sadist here) every time I "see" him trying so hard to get ANY Domme to notice him.

Oh, and the comments about your lips and racial stuff...some of the guys here at CM really stroke off on that (the little kinky pervs). If they don't know to talk with you like you're a real live human being with feelings (and keep silent over their wanking off while fantasizing over your picture)...then they deserve to be blocked. You can also choose to do what I did, keep a special address book near your computer and write down the username, offense, location, and stats, in case the same stats keep reappearing with a different username. (I used to spend about eight hours per day in the big chatroom, lol, and I wanted to know if someone was on my blocked list and why...and yeah, I also warned my dozen or so girlfriends. We'd take bets on who he would insult first...or would sometimes en masse put him on ignore.)

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 6/1/2013 3:16:05 AM >

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 4:12:58 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curious23


quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden


The OP wasn't asking how do I meet Mr.Right or Mr.Trustworthy, she was asking for ways to not screw it up if she does meet him.

Does she attract untrustworthy types? Well hells bells just being on a kink site will do that.




THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOU!

I'm going to bed now. I wasn't expecting this to go over so many peoples' heads.


I don't think it went over anyone's head so much as it was drowned out by the male-bashing. If you had just said you were pretty jaded for a variety of reasons but want to be able to trust but don't know how and don't want to trust the wrong guy, anyone got suggestions... that would have gone over much better.

The flip side of this is when a guy posts about how hard it is to find a woman who's not out to take him for everything he's got etc etc.

Everyone's got their "somebody done somebody wrong" story and then some, so we all have to just get on with it and figure out a way to have the past make us better, not bitter. (I wish I knew who said that.)


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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 5:09:02 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I like this reply. Women *should* explore their sexuality to the fullest.


quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

Fast Reply

I am all about women exploring their sexuality. You wanna be a stripper; you go for it honey. Be the best stripper you can be. Make that money. My niece did it for years. If you're smart about it, you can make a killing.

But here's the thing ... You lose all credibility to complain when you make your very sexy job (and the fact that you WANT men to call you over and objectify you) the focal point of your profile. At one point I "mentioned" in my profile that I worked as a phone sex girl. It wasn't even the focal point; it was just me being honest about how I earn a living. I took it out of my profile because I realized it was attracting the WRONG kind of attention on this site.

You asked about being too jaded for love or sex; well, the men you attract will contribute to your becoming jaded. If you want to attract quality men, write a quality profile. A lot of your success on this site will be about the type of net you choose to cast and right now you're casting a net that attracts horny men who're thinking with their dicks and not their brains.


But (a great big BUT) in this society, most especially in the US, stripping is not about women exploring their sexuality. It's about women with low self esteem getting an ego boost by seeing what attention a/o cash they can get from men who see them as nothing but body parts and holes.

You really do have to understand that or your time as a stripper will kill your soul. Based on your responses to your own thread, you are not anywhere near ready for what actually being a stripper will do to you. You think you're jaded from some online interaction? You don't know the meaning of the word yet.

Take a long serious look at yourself and what your goals are in life. I strongly suggest you do this every six months - until you get to a place where you know who and what you are, and where you're going. You're young, you have time.

While you're doing this self reflection, think about what your friends, your family, your future partner and your future children will feel about your life's choices.




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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 5:30:10 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

While you're doing this self reflection, think about what your friends, your family, your future partner and your future children will feel about your life's choices.

But this is the issue isn't it? If my parents or future children knew the stuffs I enjoy in bdsm and if relatives and friends know...., I would be shun and look at with disgust, and frankly, my parents would check me into a insane institution against my will.
It's a little strange to hear stripping viewed with negativity here, when I see it as a possible genuine kink too for a woman.
Of course, there will be women doing for the wrong reasons as well, that's true.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 5:35:25 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curious23

Lol complain. I asked for advice on how they deal with abuse INTERNALLY. That's all. I didn't ask on how to reduce the abuse or ask about why it happens. Abuse is abuse and what my profile says is irrelevant AS I pointed out (my vanilla profile got the same amount of abuse for any number of different things be it age, race, the fact that I'm american, etc).




I did not get all that much abuse when I had my profile visible.
Abuse would happen not in initial messages, but if I turned someone down (which was frequently, often due to distance).
The views of those who seem interested often quickly seem to shift from thinking you are the cat's pajamas to something worse than the cat yakked up if you are not interested in them.

One thing that I learned on these forums is to how to set bulk filters and to not engage with people who reveal themselves to be ass-hats.
Blocking them really is the better option (along with reporting them if their cmails cross over the lines of decency).
One great feature that cm has now that it didn't when I joined is being able to read the beginnings of messages without opening them.
If you hover on the message it will show you the first few sentences of text...and if they come across as abusive then you can delete them without reading them.... and then block the person.

But again, I think the way to internally deal with it when it begins to bother you is to get away from the screen and find things that self-nurture and do them.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 5:38:37 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I didn't say you need to tell anyone about the private intimate details of your life. But a person DOES have to be accountable for the choices they make - this is just a fact of life. If you make a major mistake, trust me it *will* come back to bite you later, again and again.

There is a way to explore your sexuality w/o constantly bucking up against society's 'standards' of what is and is not sexually acceptable in females. I use that term standards most loosely, as I do't agree with them. But these prejudices exist. Again, this is a fact of life. To ignore that is to be naive beyond words. One way to protect yourself is to be as private with your sex life as (most) everyone else is.

Being a public stripper for money is NOT the way to be private about your personal choices.


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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 5:43:31 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Okay, so your issue with stripping is mainly because she has to deal with being publicly exposed?
That would be the risk and the choice she has chosen. But yes, should be decided with great consideration.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 5:51:08 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I have no issue with stripping at ALL. I am an exhibitionist by nature. I have an issue with how society SEES it. I have an issue with the type of women who think they are worth nothing but some body parts. I have an issue with men who view them this way.

My issues have to do with society's preconceptions and misconceptions. If you are going to run counter to that, and yes I have done that OFTEN in my life, you best know what you are up against. You best know yourself well so you don't get swallowed up by someone's else idea of who you are.

At my age, that ain't happening. When I was 19? I didn't know myself well enough to have the self esteem I needed to pull off some of the stuff I did. I am a natural rebel, always have been and always will be. That comes with a cost.

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RE: Too jaded for love or sex? - 6/1/2013 6:36:30 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden
The OP wasn't asking how do I meet Mr.Right or Mr.Trustworthy, she was asking for ways to not screw it up if she does meet him.

Okay, curious23, I actually know something about this, because I have a thing for adult models/performers. I enjoy being the only one who gets to touch, even though lots of men lust after her. And this is what I think: it's really hard to accomplish what you're asking about, and, depending on your personality, you might have to quit the biz, in order to be emotionally available for a quality man.

A lot is said about how hard it is for porn actresses etc. to date, because men get jealous of their "work." But I think there's an equal tendency on behalf of the women, to treat every man like a john, and not be able to turn that switch off in their personal life. A woman I was kinda serious with got in touch with me just yesterday, after months of no contact. Among other things, she said to me, "I haven't shown my ass to anyone since the last time I showed it to you." Once she had the taste of something real, she couldn't go back to fantasy performance after we broke up.

So I think you really have to ask yourself what your job situation and personal life is doing to your ability to see men as human beings. I have a friend who stripped to pay for grad school, quit, and now has two masters degrees and a job at a university. So the right woman can use it as a tool. Not everyone's cut out for that job though, because it can be dehumanizing.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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