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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/3/2013 5:55:52 AM

MasterCaneman

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This is a tough question. Upon reflection, all I can add that I feel is relevant is to know your limitations, recognize your faults, and try within yourself to either overcome them or work around them to be the best man you can be. Honesty, integrity, and trustworthiness have to be paramount in all aspects of your life. This may sound corny, but to a large extent, I base many of my personal truisms on what my dad taught me, the Soldier's Creed, and the Boy Scout motto. I

Its seemed to work for me so far-my personal circle of friends, family, and business associates put a lot of trust and faith in me without reservation. Over the years, I've been placed in situations ranging from watching their kids to having a credit card with a ridiculous limit placed in my hands with no concerns. I've taken all of the above-mentioned lessons and molded them into my personal credo, and while I'm not yet there (in my mind), I do believe I'm on the way.

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/3/2013 8:19:53 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
...while I'm not yet there (in my mind), I do believe I'm on the way.

If I ever got "there" then I would, by definition, not be the man I want to be. Part of the man I want to be is a guy who strives to get better. The idea that I'd be walking around in the real world imagining myself in some state of grace where "being good" occurred casually and automatically.... that's really freakin creepy to me since it sounds fairly delusional.

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/3/2013 12:11:42 PM

ThundersCry54

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I`m not...

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/3/2013 12:19:22 PM

MstrPBK

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Just be your self. Simple as that. No one has to like you but you have to like yourself.

From people look at me strangely sometimes when I say I am a gardener (all legal mind you) I have had many a slave who has said 'I won't garden'; and as far as I can tell that is their loss.

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/4/2013 8:43:08 PM

MasterCaneman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
...while I'm not yet there (in my mind), I do believe I'm on the way.

If I ever got "there" then I would, by definition, not be the man I want to be. Part of the man I want to be is a guy who strives to get better. The idea that I'd be walking around in the real world imagining myself in some state of grace where "being good" occurred casually and automatically.... that's really freakin creepy to me since it sounds fairly delusional.

Not the first time I've been called that before. "There" isn't a place or a state one can reach, is what I was trying to say, but I guess it must have been lost in translation. And "being good" isn't a state of grace. I'm a good guy in the real world. Does it mean I'm "there"?

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/10/2013 7:09:16 AM

MsEloquence

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I like your questions. Me, I dont worry about being trustworthy or respectable but I try hard to be reliable and kind.

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/10/2013 2:07:02 PM

Kana

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“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” ― Socrates

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/10/2013 2:16:27 PM

sexyred1

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People cannot often stop themselves from thinking or analyzing about everything, including what kind of person they are.

However, all it takes it actions to show what type of person they are.

No one can see into your head or soul, so if you are an asshole in action but you say you are a good person, that is not the same as a person who is overly concerned with being a good man or woman and yet their actions show they are.

It is really quite simple: deeds vs. thoughts.

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/10/2013 2:31:59 PM

DaddySatyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

JeffBC said
quote:

For me personally, I find if I worry about being trustworthy and respectable than the whole dominant thing sorts itself out neatly.

How does a person worry about being trustworthy and respectable, in your opinion? How does a man work at being the man he wants to be? What kind of qualities should a man possess in order to be able to be that person?

First, I think that "trustworthy" and "respectable" are qualities, in-and-of themselves.

I know I don't "worry" about being trustworthy or respectable. I have a code that I have been taught/developed through the events in my life and I live my life by that code. As far as I'm concerned, if I continue to live by that code, I'll be the person I want to be.

I know it's kind of circular but, I really do see it as a "chicken or the egg" thing.

Both of these mentioned qualities are very subjective and will net different results from different people. To me, "trustworthy" is a title that's earned when a person does what they say they're going to do; no matter how outrageous the claim may seem, at first.

I promise my landlord I'm going to pay him his rent, every month. Once I do that, consistently over a period of years, I build up a certain cache of dependability and my landlord learns that I am trustworthy (when it comes to the rent).

The last place I lived, I was there for 13 years. I was late with the rent twice in all that time. The last 2-3 years, I had to chase my landlord down to pay him. He considered me to be trustworthy. However, that isn't going to mean much to other people, necessarily.

If I continue to behave in the same manner in all aspects of my life (to the best of my ability), I may earn that "status" with a few people in my life.

Respectable? That depends upon what qualities other people find to be respectable, I guess. Many people here don't respect my views on a few things. My lady does. Isn't that all that matters when we bring "dominance" into the mix?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

And finally - when a man feels he is being trustworthy and respectable (or non specifically - the man he wants to be) how does it naturally flow into his ability to be dominant, in your opinion? What kind of qualities should a dominant possess in order to continue his ability to be what he aspires to be?

If more than one question has the same answer or you think to yourself 'it's the same damn thing' - why? Explain please.

Again, this is going to be different things for different people. It's a very subjective call.

Unfortunately, the best way I can answer these questions is to post a rather long response that I wrote on these forums, some years ago. I don't know if it behooves anyone for me to do that, right now but, I will, if people think it would be pertinent.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 6/10/2013 2:41:48 PM >

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/10/2013 2:41:50 PM

demeterdoha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

People cannot often stop themselves from thinking or analyzing about everything, including what kind of person they are.

However, all it takes it actions to show what type of person they are.

No one can see into your head or soul, so if you are an asshole in action but you say you are a good person, that is not the same as a person who is overly concerned with being a good man or woman and yet their actions show they are.

It is really quite simple: deeds vs. thoughts.

"Does the devil know he is a devil?" - Elizabeth Madox Roberts

I agree on that outward actions help define who we are, but this reasoning turns much more complicated when asking about how others view our actions and what our initial intentions with taking action was.

For example, if I hold open a door for an older person who seems to have his hands full, and then that same person yells at me because he interpreted my helping him as a sign that I see him as old and weak. Have I really done a good deed?

You can even turn the example around. I hold open the door for an older person, thinking that this'll show him that he's old and frail. I grin and laugh at the same person, but then get an honest thank you. Have I been an asshole?

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/11/2013 12:39:06 AM

BambiBoi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

Fake it 'til you make it is something I've always believed in. Excellent posts and good food for thought.

9 Minute Video about becoming a "man." You just do it, and one day you look in the mirror and realize you became your heroes.

I find most people are dishonest because being honest is hard. I've taken to putting a pin in conversation. "My immediate response to that is not positive, but I'm not sure why. Let me get back to you." I've learned that most things can be put into my emotional inbox.

Show up on time. Keep your promises. Bring something when you're a guest. In general, practice good etiquette. Peter Post's Essential Manners for Men has been a great guiding light considering my roguish upbringing.

You asked how does this "flow?" You ever notice women seem to love a man in a stable relationship? Being a good man will automatically fill you with confidence, purpose, balance. And the birds will flock to the island sticking out of the rough sea.

Also, shave with a straight razor. Even Bambi does.

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RE: How to be the man you want to be - 6/11/2013 10:02:01 AM

Dyfrynt

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To the OP:
It is a curious set of questions all wrapped together. So step by step.

Trustworthy. This is the easiest one of all. It takes no long deep philosophical response. Being trustworthy is simply this: "Say what you do & Do what you say". If one says they will do something and they follow through and do it. All the time. Every time. That is being trustworthy, and others will see that as surely as if there were a huge post-it note stuck to your forehead.

Respectable. Be brutally honest with yourself. Examine what you do and why you do it. Being respectable in modern society is often a moving target. You have to know your motivations and know they are sincere.

Here's a silly example to get my point across. I believe being a gentleman means opening the door for a woman I am with. Some women admire that, and sometimes I get a snarky comment like "I can open my own door". In the other person's mind, in some cases I am being respectable while in other's minds I am not.

But the response I get is irrelevant to me. I know what my motives are. To be a gentleman in the classic sense of the term. In both cases I am being respectable despite the outcome.

How do these traits flow into being dominant? They don't. Being a Dominant requires these traits, but having these traits in no way means one is also Dominant. The most submissive person in the world can have just as strong a sense of these traits as anyone else.

How does a man work at being the man he wants to be. In response I ask "What type of man do you want to be?" Only you can determine this. You start with a set of goals and then, if you don't know how to do it yourself, find other ways to reach that goal. Read books. Watch others who have the traits you admire. How do they do it.

Life is a learning curve. Rarely are results as black and white as right or wrong. Most of the time actions lead to results that are a mixture of rights and wrongs. Examine your actions. Examine the results. In what ways where there good results; in what way where they not so good. Determine what you can do the next time to maximize the former and minimize the latter.

Never stop learning.

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