Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy?

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Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:04:01 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
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i have been pondering this question for some time now and, in light of a recent event, i have to wonder if honesty is truly the pest policy.

a new Mistress in my area just joined and i sent Her an introductory emails, laying everything on the table right up front, even though (i believe) all this information is included in my profile.

the following is the final reply i recieved from Her (name will not be included in this poasting):

Dear michaelGA2,

Thank you for the kind words and good luck in your search!

With regard,

i do not think that it was a bad reply, but i wonder if i should have laid everything out at the start like i always do. in my mind i think, "at least i'm being totally honest here with everyone".

am i wrong in this line of thinking?

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:16:39 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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What you received was one of the bot-reply options collarme supplies as an alternative to people typing a response themselves. It seems she isn't interested in your profile, but didn't want to be rude and not reply at all.

I don't know exactly what you laid out on the table. Sometimes we can supply too much information on first contact, which may overwhelm the other person. Like going up to a stranger at a party, telling them your life story and asking if, based on that, they'd like to get involved with you...A little too strong for a beginning.

I don't advocate dishonesty. I think hiding things will only cause more trouble in the end. So, yes, I do think honesty is the best policy. But probably too much information isn't.

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quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:18:07 PM

NastyDaddy

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Looks like a form letter reply to a form letter. Apparently her incoming traffic drove the need for speed in what she considers her courteous not interested reply. In that respect she probably sped read your email and your wording may not have caught her attention.

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:19:33 PM

michaelGA2

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Joined: 4/26/2006
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well, all the information i provided are on my profile (i think) and i just don't feel right about hiding things...should i have drawn it out more?

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:31:29 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

well, all the information i provided are on my profile (i think) and i just don't feel right about hiding things...should i have drawn it out more?

No, I don't think you leave out anything essential in your profile. It clearly states why you are here. I think you are seeing the issue as one of information-sharing when most women want you to engage them in conversation. I think this may be a common male-female issue.

Try engaging the dommes you approach in respectful, house-party-style, conversation. Show them that you are interested in getting to know who they are as an individual first.

Most women want to be wanted for who they are as unique human beings, not for what they can offer you, or how well they fit the fantasy you're after. (I mean this in a generic you way, Michael, not personally.)

Does any of this make sense to you?

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:35:18 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
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yes, it does. She did ask me to tell Her about me. poerhaps it WAS too much-too soon, i guess. also, maybe it had something to do with the fact that i'm not seeking sexual submission. i don't know. i just know that now i'm second guessing myself and falling back into a bit of depression over the whole incident.

<shrugs>

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:38:54 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
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Michael, I also think you might need to be realistic about what you are seeking. There just aren't a lot of dommes interested in providing married men the opportunities to submit that they seek, because they aren't into BDSM just to provide you with something your life lacks.

One thing I ask the many married men who message me every week is "What can you, as a married man, offer me that a single man can't? Time? Commitment? Someone to spend the holidays with? Someone who puts me before any other woman?"

When you look at it that way you can understand why married men receive "Thanks, but not interested." email.

It's possible that you can find what you seek. But don't expect it to be easy to get that particular woman's attention over all the other married men seeking. The competition is going to be tough. The answer just isn't simple.

< Message edited by Vancouver_cinful -- 6/25/2006 9:40:34 PM >

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 7

RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:45:22 PM

michaelGA2

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i'm not married. yes, i have a girlfriend. but, it seems, she's the only one that understands my submission, even if she has Muscular Distrophy. she also is not interested in the lifestyle, she just supports me for who and what i am.

does all this make me any less a submissive? is everyone in the lifestyle only in it for sexual gratification? is there nobody in the lifestyle that excepts non-sexual sumissives?

the questions are endless.

< Message edited by michaelGA2 -- 6/25/2006 9:46:08 PM >

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:45:55 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2
i just know that now i'm second guessing myself and falling back into a bit of depression over the whole incident.

I know it isn't easy...but honestly Michael, you are looking for a rare creature. You have to ask yourself if it's worth the search. Married men are not a sought-after commodity, for a very good reason. What they offer in return is limited.

I don't want to add to your depression, I'm saying this to help you see that the problem is not simply solved. You have to search inside yourself and ask yourself what can YOU offer a partner to make you stand out from the many other married men seeking what you seek.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 9

RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:47:22 PM

michaelGA2

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again, i'm not married

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:51:28 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

i'm not married. yes, i have a girlfriend. but, it seems, she's the only one that understands my submission, even if she has Muscular Distrophy. she also is not interested in the lifestyle, she just supports me for who and what i am.

does all this make me any less a submissive? is everyone in the lifestyle only in it for sexual gratification? is there nobody in the lifestyle that excepts non-sexual sumissives?

the questions are endless.

I'll let you in on a secret. Most women don't see any difference between a man who has a girlfriend he is commited to, and a man who is married. A duck is a duck.

A man who is commited to another woman is not available for so many of the aspects of a relationship that women deem necessary. His heart and commitment is elsewhere and that isn't very appealling to most of us.

I'm sure there are some dommes out there looking for non-sexual submission, but by narrowing down an already narrow field to an even narrower one you lower your chances.

I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm saying the odds are huge against it, and you have to work harder than the average person to find the match.

It's not a pretty truth, but I do believe it IS the truth.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 11

RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 9:54:13 PM

michaelGA2

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Joined: 4/26/2006
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guess i'm just being a damn fool then.

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 10:04:35 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

guess i'm just being a damn fool then.

Only you can answer that.

Is it foolish to want what you want? I don't think so.

Is it foolish to pretend there is some magic, easy way to get what you want? Probably.

Seek inside yourself, Michael. You have choosen a tough path; a vanilla relationship, and a part-time commitment to BDSM when it fits your schedule. Don't blame anyone for your choices, just re-evalute your choices and ask yourself this question..."Is this reasonable, or just a dream?"

Again, only you can answer that question.

Good luck, Michael (Good night, as well

)

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 13

RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 10:12:09 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MichaelGA2, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Lad, I can only speak for myself. I am a single lady and have been for a very long time. I am looking for a slave to grow old with. So, when a gentleman informs me that they are married, engauged, seeing someone, or any distraction of an outside source; it really is difficult to emotionally bond and be free to let loose with our emotional side. A D/s and or M/s relationship needs feeding on both sides.

I wouldn't say you are a fool. You are just in a very difficult situation that requires someone who isn't seeking a long term relationship.

Being asexual, the last thing on my mind is sex. So, anybody who mentions sex to me is not of interest to me but, thats just 'me.'
I am more attracted to the emotional bonds. And, as a woman--
I prefer the mental/emotional/spiritual/physical safety, that the slave and or submissive's mind is on me and not divided. Women need that security and commitment, as that is what women invest into men.

With two women in your life, the question posed in my mind as a woman would be; if your wife/girlfriend/fiance` and I were sick with the same thing, same time--who would you choose to be with.

Women are entitled to seek their happiness in life, just as much as men. So, for me--I will pick a man who will provide that emotional, mental and physical security of being there for me.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 14

RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 10:15:02 PM

michaelGA2

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i suppose that my only other option is finding a poly "family". they seem to be the only ones that would except me.

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/25/2006 10:20:50 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
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Dear michaelGA2, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I would honestly consider a poly household, to which your part-time enslavement would 'enhance' the entire dynamic and didn't put total weight on just you as the 'sole' slave, to feed a dominant-submissive cycle of the dynamic that feeds the relationship and energy.

Perhaps as a part-time submissive/slave at meetings, munches, parties and or clubs may be an avenue. It isn't 'in house' per se, which keeps things in public venues.

It really hinges on the dominants available to you in the area and what you are willing to do to keep your two relationships healthy at the same time keeping your sanity, priorities and life straight.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 16

RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/26/2006 1:28:45 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
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looks like that's my only recourse. i just don't understand how all these married or attached people on here can possibly be successful since they are a couple and seeking out others in the lifestyle, while i'm left on the sidelines.

go figure.

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/26/2006 2:51:00 AM

ViborgHerre

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/9/2006
Status: offline

Dear michaelGA2

There is always good reason to tell the truth - however not always the full broadside...

and as cinful said .. perhaps not in a first - or one of first - letter(s)

But if you seach for what you know you want to find, it will have better chances of being found ( or recognized as IT, whwn you see it )

good luck anyway

Peter

(in reply to michaelGA2)

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/26/2006 3:18:04 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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I don't think the problem you encountered is one of being too honest or not but the rate at which someone reveals information about themselves.

If you think about it, if you meet someone new in r/l and you reveal too much about your self too soon you will panic them because you would be perceived as too forward and overpowering or maybe desperate. If you reveal information about yourself too slowly, you will be perceived as hiding something or unwilling to reveal info about yourself. One has to be intuitive and guage when is the right time to reveal information that keeps the other person comfortable.

I've always thought that profiles that advertise someone like a secondhand car are self defeating. Female subs apparently always get inundated with solicitations regardless of their profiles but then there appears to be a surfeit of doms desperate for a second hand car to drive in a destruction derby. However, if someone wants a good car, you inspect and try it before you buy and you will disregard the sales patter of a secondhand car dealer.

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RE: Is Honesty Truly The Best Policy? - 6/26/2006 7:36:19 AM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

i suppose that my only other option is finding a poly "family". they seem to be the only ones that would except me.

Micheal, it's wonderful to see you thinking of creative solutions to your situation. A poly family just may be the answer to what you need. It's a start, anyway.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 20

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