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who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:07:10 PM

asianfetish24

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Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:09:02 PM

littlewonder

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Master of course.

It's not a character. It's all him. He doesn't put on an act or play out a role. It's who he is as a person.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:14:05 PM

NuevaVida

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I got to know him as a person. I didn't give a shit about the dominance when we were first talking. Then again, when we first started talking I didn't care about being in a relationship, either.

But really, I needed to know who he was as a man. And it helped me to understand who he was (as a man) because he didn't take authority over me until much later.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:29:01 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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Well, how do you *ever* know you are falling in love? That the relationship has a D/s component doesn't really alter things, unless you are so new you have a bad case of sub frenzy.

We've had a lot of threads about sub frenzy, I don't recall anyone providing a cure, aside from a strong admonition NOT to think with your pussy.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:33:38 PM

asianfetish24

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What is sub frenzy

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:34:31 PM

njlauren

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Interesting question, took me a while to figure out what the OP was trying to ask (I know, really slow these days)....if I read it right, they were asking if you can fall in love with the image of a person who is dominant, the role itself, rather than the person....in my case, no, because though I am not looking, been hooked up now for several decades, it isn't a split thing. I suppose this could happen where the dominant is kind of playing a role in scene play, but otherwise is vanilla, but in that case, it would be kind of falling for a fantasy, like falling in love with Liam Neeson in 'Taken' and thinking that is really him:).

But given that the people I have been around are lifestyle, whether D/s or not, I think the answer they would give is you fall for the whole person, whatever the relationship/roles are/will be.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:37:17 PM

njlauren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24

What is sub frenzy

My take on it is sub frenzy is you get so caught up in the wonders of being a sub it colors everything, including judgement, and all you see is that and lose sight of everything else. Among other things, you can be so jazzed up at finding yourself and your role, that nothing else seems to matter, and you lose sight of so much else...so for example, you see your dominant as the enabler of your submission only, instead of as a person, too:)

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 8:41:03 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24
Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

I'm with Nueva. I fall in love with people, not roles.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 9:04:54 PM

RaspberryLemon

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There is no "dom character"--my Master does not play a role or put up a front/charade. He is who he is. And that is what I fell in love with.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 9:57:29 PM

sexyred1

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You can fall in love with the image someone projects of themselves, or an idealized vision of someone, but the truth will come out because you cannot hide true colors forever.

One would hope you fall in love with a person, rather than a role.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 10:30:45 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24

Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

My first Dom... it was the role.. I freely admit that.. and it failed miserably.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/2/2013 11:41:02 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren

like falling in love with Liam Neeson in 'Taken' and thinking that is really him:).

C'mon, he was freaking HOT in that role! Then add to seeing him in interviews....well, he's hot.

Back on topic, like others, if you get to know the person before engaging in the D/s to begin with, you wouldn't have to wonder about it. Falling for who you think someone is is always a possibility, but if you let things develop in the course of time, rather than jumping into D/s and seeing if you can build a relationship out of it (not that you are doing that), you have a better chance of knowing the "real" person.

I noticed that this is the second question you have posted regarding falling in love with your partner. It seems you are questioning this. If he hasn't presented himself as an asshole, either in the kink or vanilla aspects of his personality, let yourself feel what it is and let him know.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 1:39:56 AM

TNDommeK

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My hubby, of course.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 2:46:20 AM

angelikaJ

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I love [my] Master both for who is is as a Man and what He is to me.

Subfrenzy
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/sub_frenzies.htm
http://safesubcenter.blogspot.com/2005/06/sub-frenzy.html
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/06/sub-frenzy/

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 3:14:58 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24

Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

You shouldn't be able to separate the two.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 3:58:06 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24

Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

How do you know someone cares about you as a person, and doesn't just have an Asian fetish?

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 3:59:56 AM

Greta75

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i usually judge by if I enjoy normal activities outside of bdsm play with this person, and normal vanilla conversations. Because sometimes, it's that black and white and it often is. Like you can have fun plays sexually, then...., trying to hang out with him doing normal stuffs is impossible, because there is nothing else in common.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 10:52:30 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24
Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

I'm with Nueva. I fall in love with people, not roles.

Same here. Being dominant is part of his personality. It is not the entirety of who he is. On top of that, we were platonic friends for years before that spark happened. I'm literally married to my best friend.

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 12:29:31 PM

SoulAlloy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24

Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

You shouldn't be able to separate the two.

Ooh now there's an interesting thought, I guess the difference between roleplaying and 'being'? I've played the Dom, and hated it, as it just wasn't me - doesn't stop me from topping once in a blue moon though... It's a facet, a piece of me rather than my whole character. (One of the reasons I chose my name)

To the OP, I guess consider the time you spend with your Master as a whole, and how you feel at the various times?

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RE: who are you in love with? - 6/3/2013 2:51:01 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: asianfetish24

Newbie here and curious. When falling for your master how do you know you are falling in love with the dom character or the actual individual?

You shouldn't be able to separate the two.

Why?

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