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What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was woke uip. - 6/7/2013 5:28:49 AM

jlf1961

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From: Somewhere Texas
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My dogs, at 5 am, decided that everyone in the house had slept long enough, including my niece who did not get off work until 3AM.

Now in my semi comatose state, I seem to notice some of the strangest things.

1) Blue, the rescue pup I recently adopted who is pit/lab mix cannot wait for you to pour the water into the bowl before getting a drink, he tries to bite the water in mid air.

2) There seems to be a number of sub/slave profiles that state "no picture, no reply." This would make more sense if they had pictures of their faces or any pictures on their profile.

3) When the dogs woke everyone up, Damian my 16 month old great nephew decided that he no longer wanted to sleep with mommy, so he grabbed his blankey, his bottle and promptly walked his happy little ass into my room, crawled up on the bed and went back to sleep... in a position that makes it impossible for anyone else to lay down.

4) Birds are too fucking cheerful in the morning.

5) You do not have coffee in the morning if you program the coffee pot to turn on at 5 in the afternoon.

6) Princess was entirely too easy to give her eyedrops this morning, and I found out why... she ripped off a lethal fart while I was performing the procedure.

7) The grays (cliche aliens that abduct people) evidently come to my house after everyone has gone to bed, and drink pepsi, leaving half empty glasses on the table.

8) I have 9 emails from some body that wants to sell me health insurance with a low monthly premium of $450.00 a month, and this is the discounted rate for people on a fixed income.

9) Everytime I turn on my tv the closed captioning is on, and I aint deaf...

10) Just because you feed the dogs, and take care of the dogs, and love on the dogs does not mean they will cook breakfast.

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 5:34:32 AM

Mellissande

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LOL I have personally set the coffee maker to the evening by accident and when it started, I freaked out because I thought someone had snuck in and made coffee (home alone while hubby was deployed= very paranoid me lol)

Edited to add: sorry to hear your morning was rough, but it made for very enjoyable reading :)

< Message edited by Mellissande -- 6/7/2013 5:36:21 AM >

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 5:35:12 AM

Phoenixpower

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Number 3 is soooooo awesome to read

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 5:50:44 AM

Duskypearls

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All very funny, jlf, thanks for the smile.

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 8:13:45 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande
I freaked out because I thought someone had snuck in and made coffee

Is this some new kind of crime I've never heard of and I sure do hope it takes off in my local area :) Think there's any chance someone will sneak in and clean?

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 8:49:46 AM

Mellissande

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande
I freaked out because I thought someone had snuck in and made coffee

Is this some new kind of crime I've never heard of and I sure do hope it takes off in my local area :) Think there's any chance someone will sneak in and clean?

LOL that would be nice! The main reason it freaked me out was because we were living on post and the maintenance workers would sometimes just come in unannounced. And I was in a fairly indecent state of undress when it started brewing

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Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 9:29:43 AM

NuevaVida

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Jeff thanks for such an amusing post! I can relate to much of it. Including setting the coffee at the wrong time (I actually do this a lot).

Do you see a "cc" button on your remote? Click that and closed captioning may go away.

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 1:31:22 PM

MasterCaneman

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4) Birds are too fucking cheerful in the morning.

I am so with you on this one. Four AM the ones around me start up. I hate the little bastards.

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 1:45:39 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

2) There seems to be a number of sub/slave profiles that state "no picture, no reply." This would make more sense if they had pictures of their faces or any pictures on their profile.

dude, its supply and demand.. they dont have to put pics up since they likely get more mail than they can handle.. which, if they did put up their pics then maybe they would get 10 times more mail and your chances to get a reply would drop 90%.. so what i am saying is that the odds are better for you if they dont have pics of themselves up.. see how that works..

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 3:00:20 PM

KMsAngel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

4) Birds are too fucking cheerful in the morning.

I am so with you on this one. Four AM the ones around me start up. I hate the little bastards.

you should try kookaburras at sparrows fart. unhappiness, especially if it's the weekend. kookaburra's are called laughing jackasses for a reason

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 3:05:20 PM

MasterCaneman

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Just the name "kookaburra" annoys me. Isn't there a bird in your part of the world than can imitate a chainsaw, too? That must be delightful in the small hours....

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 3:23:46 PM

KMsAngel

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haven't heard the chainsaw bird. white cockies tend to sound like squeaky swing chains, though. loud ones.

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 3:35:56 PM

ShaharThorne

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You're thinking of mockingbirds...there are some that LOVE sounding like a tractor at 3 in the morning...or a police siren.

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 3:38:38 PM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

You're thinking of mockingbirds...there are some that LOVE sounding like a tractor at 3 in the morning...or a police siren.

I think if I heard that sort of racket, I'd steal a gun and shoot the fuckers until I had silence in the mornings!

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 3:41:48 PM

ShaharThorne

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Mom hides the keys to the gun cabinets from me...might accidentally shoot the van.

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RE: What has happend in the 2 1/2 hours sense I was wok... - 6/7/2013 4:19:46 PM

Phoenixpower

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But they are cute

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