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How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 8:50:36 AM   
OneGuyAndACamera


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline 		A while ago i met someone and i gave her a choice of two toys, one small the other big. Unknowing i wanted to stick it in her ass she chose the big one and couldn't take it.

(I know my fault for not easing her in) but i kinda feel like a dick about the whole situation and am a little worried about things like that happening again. The last thing i want is someone calling the police.

Does crying a lot happen in BDSM? How do you feel when it happens?

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 8:56:09 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		If you're worried about something like that happening again, then communicate about it beforehand so she understands your intentions and can make an informed choice (assuming this is a play fuck and not an M/s relationship situation). And ease her in.

As for crying, hell he loves to see me cry. It turns him on. A lot.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 9:14:49 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneGuyAndACamera


Does crying a lot happen in BDSM?




Master says, "If you're doing it right".

In your case, you fucked up, you admitted it and I assume you've apologized. It was more of an "oops" thing than a BDSM thing. NV is right, you just need to communicate clearly or know your partner really well.


_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 9:29:04 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		First, [my] Master and I are in a long-term relationship and are not just casual play partners.

I am someone for whom crying used to be something I did with great difficulty. I used to go years without ever crying.
Early in our relationship, I cried over something and He said: "Give me those tears. Those are My tears and you don't want them anyway."

4+ years later, I cry for all sorts of reasons with Him.
He knows when I need to cry and knows how to facilitate that.
I cry when I orgasm with Him.
I cry during intense play.
I may have cried over some mistake on His part, and I know I have cried over most of mine.

I think He may find tears to be somewhat disconcerting, but it is something He handles beautifully.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 10:47:33 AM   
OneGuyAndACamera


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline 		In my defense she said she could take any size and i was actually using it for a while before she asked me to stop but anyway I'm going back a few years now. Yeah i fucked up a little, i never intended for her to cry lol.




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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 10:54:37 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Crying can be cathartic. I had a play partner years ago who would whip me until I cried, but my tears always kind of freaked him out. I think it was hard for him to come to grips with, despite my telling him it was a good thing.

The Mister loves my tears and many times will literally drink them out of my eyes as they flow.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 11:10:09 AM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Daddy always tries to hug or kiss or stroke me, if I will let him. Most the time I will, but if I am angry with him, I sometimes reject his attempts. When I am angry I don't want to be touched till I say I am ready.

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 11:16:16 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		If someone is crying they are in distress. You hug them and soothe them and bring them a blankie and some kleenex.

If you are the (inadvertent) REASON for them crying, you apologize, and then spend some time thinking about what you did and how you screwed up, so you won't do it again.

Shesh. This stuff ain't brain surgery it's basic human interaction.

ETA: There are times when crying is a positive outcome.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 6/7/2013 11:19:07 AM >

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 11:25:14 AM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		I hate crying so I do everything in my power to not cry, so no crying does not really happen here.

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 11:27:54 AM   
jeninsin


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline 		taken to its limits is bs

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 5:17:25 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Crying by itself means little or nothing. Sometimes I deliberately cause tears. Sometimes I give her the release of crying. Hell, one of these days I'll tie my sub up and unexpectedly spring an onion on her.

That said, crying because she's upset, angry, or in nonconsensual pain IS a big deal.

Context is everything.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 7:56:25 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Depends. You were just her play partner apparently, just a casual fuckbuddy so I would say you apologize and tell her that her crying was not the plan and just ask her what you can do to make it better.

Now in a long term relationship it's gonna be different. When I cry Master does one of two things depending on the situation. If I'm crying because I'm upset about something that happened to me that wasn't caused by him or crying because I thought he was upset with me but turns out he wasn't then he will comfort me, talk to me, get to the bottom of the issue and then will usually try to get me to laugh.

Now if I'm crying because he really is angry at me, he usually leaves me alone for a bit to cry and for him to take a breather before he comes back and has me kneel at his feet so we can work things out.

If I'm crying because I'm coming down from from play and he knows it's the cathartic type of crying, he will hold me and we will talk about what happened and it passes and brings us closer together because it brings out strong emotions in both of us.

So in your situation, choose the first one for casual partners.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/7/2013 9:46:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He checks in with me. If I'm crying because I'm freaked out or in a lot of pain, then he stops, fixes the problem and comforts me.
If I'm crying as a release of tension or from happiness, he just continues what he's doing.

Next time don't withhold necessary information. She may have assumed you were talking about vaginal toys, not anal. You need to ask people more details before playing to make sure you don't wind up hurting someone else.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/8/2013 5:19:57 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		My standard response was stolen from 50'sitcoms-'Stop that sniveling nonsense or I'll really give ya something to cry about." :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/8/2013 7:08:20 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

i kinda feel like a dick about the whole situation and am a little worried about things like that happening again. The last thing i want is someone calling the police.


Why would someone call the police on you? That has nothing to do with tears, and everything to do with doing something to someone they expressly didn't want you to do or expressly wanted you to stop doing.

I know she said it was ok, but at some point if she said it wasn't, then you have a problem. She doesn't need to shed a single tear for there to be a need to call the police. Now I'm not at all implying that you did something wrong, that she tried to stop you and couldn't or anything like that. That said, I do think you should ask yourself what prompted you to even think of the police merely because someone cried.

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What you permit, you promote.

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/8/2013 9:13:02 AM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

My standard response was stolen from 50'sitcoms-'Stop that sniveling nonsense or I'll really give ya something to cry about." :-)


LOL my mother used to say that! I didn't one time and yep I had something to cry about by the time she was done. :D

_____________________________

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/8/2013 10:35:28 AM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		My tears made him hard. It was foreplay for both of us. The more I cried, the harder he got and the wetter I got.

Tears are good in my life.

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/9/2013 4:13:32 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneGuyAndACamera
Does crying a lot happen in BDSM? How do you feel when it happens?

It depends on the reason for the tears. Is my sub in distress? Emotionally distraught? Is it because I fucked up? Then I feel terrible and do everything I can to help him feel better. Is it because I'm doing something sadistic that we both really do want? Are the tears cathartic tears? That's a different story. Bring 'em on. I always give A-1 aftercare and lots of it regardless of the reason.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/11/2013 9:35:43 AM   
ThundersCry54


Posts: 71
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline 		If we are playin`...well I get wood...

Cry baby...cry

Ha!

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RE: How do you handle your partner crying? - 6/11/2013 2:44:16 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespot

My tears made him hard. It was foreplay for both of us. The more I cried, the harder he got and the wetter I got.

Tears are good in my life.

God damn gal,I wish you posted more often.
Your mind is fantastic.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 20
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