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Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 9:28:34 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Hi all. I'm curious as to how many Subs/Slaves would define their personality in everyday life as submissive or in some other way? I would define myself as an easy going dominant type guy. I can bend if I decide its cool. I've even been described as flexible. But other folks have seen me draw hard lines, get mean, and accept nothing less than MY way. Especially if I see injustice.

I would describe my submissive side as being me taking a break from being me in the outside world. Also, I'm normally very dominant in bed. Vanilla or not. But. If the right lady had my trust and some good moves I can really be a cool slave. (Subs have limits). I'm my Wife's Slave for the time being. For most of our relationship it has been the other way around. But hey.. Gotta spice things up after twelve years. Oh... And I must say its deliciously spicy these days.

So what about you? Does your kink mirror your outward personality or is it more complex? I hear people say to other people "yowaning be taken seriously as a Dom.". What could that mean? I will put money that i would be the most Alpha Male of all the Alpha males in a room. Yet, I switch. So I'm hypothesizing that there is more to this Role Play than just a persons everyday demeanor. what's your take?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 9:49:19 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I tend to be an Alpha personality, right up until I come up against someone that I view as more dominant/alpha than I am, that I trust. Then I just naturally step back into the submissive role. (A lot of male Dominants have stated that they think I'm not submissive, but it's simply that I didn't view them as dominant)

My ex used to describe me as an Alpha Lioness. She runs the pride, but the Lion runs her.

What I do within our relationship, isn't an escape or a role. It's just where I feel comfortable.

And lastly, everyone has limits. Just because your limits line up with your D's, doesn't mean that they don't exist.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 10:12:11 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		it's complex for me. I describe myself as 'situationally dominant', in that I feel that I need to take the lead in many situations at work, even though I don't really enjoy it. It's my job to take the lead, so I do it and usually I'm the best person to do it. I think after my 30 or so years in employment it's become habit - I do what I'm supposed to do, to the best of my ability, even if it's not the most comfortable option for me.

At home, there is no need to take the lead in most situations. Yes, it may be that I have to decide what we eat, when to do the laundry and all that good stuff, but it's at Master's orders. Really, he takes charge of the big stuff and I manage the small stuff. That feels a lot more comfortable to me and even though there may be times I want to argue the toss, I don't because ultimately I'm happier that way.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 10:13:27 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		OK... humans as a rule cannot be taken out of context and analyzed. I am not a "dom" in some generic sense except perhaps statistically. You'd have to describe some situation to find out what my reaction to it might be. Ditto with Carol.

That all being said, Carol and I are consistent both in and out of the front door. She tends to want to follow rather than lead... everywhere. I tend to want to lead rather than follow... everywhere. That's how our lives work out in actuality. Big surprise, we both get involved with a non-profit and I become the president and she becomes the admin assistant.

What could that mean? I will put money that i would be the most Alpha Male of all the Alpha males in a room.
Depending on what you are meaning when you say "alpha" that may or may not be true. One of the notorious things about that word is that everyone defines it as they wish to suit their needs. The biological definition would mean, "You are the wealthiest person in the room" (eg: preferential access to mates and other scarce resources).

Yes, even for those who are "role playing" there is a lot more to it than a bit of comedic acting. The word "role" in BDSM-land has been perverted into something it is not. I personally see it more like a sociologist or psychologist might and I see nothing "fake" about someone occupying a role in their life. I fully expect a person's behavior to change based upon the different roles they go through. I see that as "normal". Only in BDSM-land are humans these cardboard cutout monodimensional and static things... "I am dom, here me roar!"

I am not a dom, sub, master, slave, alpha, beta or any of those other things. I'm some complex amalgam of them that all comes together to make "Jeff".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 10:37:49 AM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		Within a relationship, I'm submissive all of the way.
I would love that to flow over into all of life, but that's not realistic.
I'm a divorced mom and I have to take charge all of the time.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 12:08:08 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I consider myself submissive in everyday life. However, that's not how I label it. My term for it is laid-back. I'm extremely easy going, like making others happy, knowing I can get my way and they're unhappy or they get their way and we're both happy. I'm extremely flexible and know I have a wide-range of likes so following is not difficult for me. I don't like taking the lead, but that does not mean I'll necessarily follow, either.

I do have fire in me, but few are lucky (or unlucky) enough to see it. At times, I come off as being aloof and difficult to read. One thing I do have control over are my emotions and I like to keep them hidden from most people. I hate conflict so would rather stew internally than unleash my feelings.
If I trust and respect the man I'm with, I really admire when he takes me by the hand (literally or figuratively) and takes the lead. It makes me giddy.

I would say, in the bedroom, I'm the same way. I like making the other person happy - it satisfies me. If they're doing something I don't really enjoy, I probably won't show it (unless it hurts like hell in which case I try really hard to keep it in as long as possible but will eventually give in to yelling - I enjoy that push and release, something I don't get in every day life). I do NOT like taking the lead, although there have been times when I HAD to. I really, really enjoy feeling a man's strength, control and desire. I feed off that.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 2:10:29 PM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		All the responses have been perfectly awesome so far. Well said honest and detailed. So very cool I'm at work right now and the Seagulls are telling me to go to work. I have questions for y'all. But I gotta chew on all your good replies some more first. Just wanted to drop back in and say thanks.

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 2:58:03 PM   
WebWanderer


Posts: 255
Joined: 5/20/2011
From: Fort Worth, TX
Status: offline 		I am a monogamous introvert. I am not submissive to everyone (or anyone, really) in daily life - I'm saving it all for the one worthy of my submission. I keep my professional and personal lives very, very separate. At work, I take my assignments seriously, I avoid idiots (whenever possible) and just want to be left alone and finish my projects fast and efficiently. That usually results in me getting promoted and assigned minions, which gives me more projects to efficiently finish, etc...

I am neither dominant nor submissive when I'm at work. My entire focus is on getting things done, and I'm not afraid to go against my (alleged) superiors when they're wrong. So no, I'm not submissive in everyday life, but I'm not dominant, either. More like a cat, perhaps?

My desire (not urge, mind you, for that implies urgency) to submit has always been with me, for as long as I can remember. What started off with a particularly twisted take on fairy tales ("Gee, I wonder if I could be chained to a cliff like that!" - me when I was 3) morphed into the realization that I don't want to hook up with a passive floozy the way all my teenage classmates did, and crystallized into the understanding that I won't find what I'm looking for in typical vanilla life, so I may as well not waste my efforts in that part of my life.

_____________________________

Author of Introduction to Self-Bondage and Nine Tales of Submission - now available on Kindle! :)

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 4:42:54 PM   
njlauren


Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline 		It usually is all about context, as my therapist said, we all have things in life where our roles can vary. A loving grandmother (as she was) could be an unbelievably tough domme in play. A submissive in their personal life can run a major corporation, we all have roles we live into/play at times.

I am submissive, but in my personal life there are things I am tasked with making decisions about, and at work my responsibilities are such that I am a leader, a manager, and a lot of people depend on me taking for lack of a word, a dominant role. I don't enjoy it, I don't get off on the power at all, and in some ways it makes me a weird kind of manager because the power doesn't interest me at all...but I do what I do because people depend on me to do it, and I care about them. For example, my people work long hours, it is the nature of the beast, yet instead of simply telling them that, I model it, I am down in the trenches with them, despite what my title says, which a lot of people wouldn't think was being particularly dominant......


(in reply to WebWanderer)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 6:23:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I am definitely submissive in my everyday life with everyone. I am the type that will sit in the back of the room and try to hide so she's not called on. I'm the one who will never take the lead unless she's forced to and even then I will usually try to push the responsibilities off onto others just so I don't have to deal with it. There's a reason my friends and Master all call me the "mouse in my pocket". I will go along pretty much anywhere and I'm ok with it. I rarely care what we do or where we go. I'm ok either way. So yeah....it's definitely my everyday personality.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 7:29:37 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		I was forced to become the dominant one in my family life with my kids when my husband died. I'm the administrator for a very successful physician's practice. But when it comes to the relationship with the man in my life, I'm all submissive. No roles, no play acting, no diversions ... just the way it is.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 8:37:49 PM   
erieangel


Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline 		Its not diversion for me. I tend to be submissive and it is difficult for me to take the lead in those situations where I must--like at my job. But I've grown into it and become quite good at it and even comfortable at it. Heck, I just helped to move 8 people from 2 houses into 1 house these past few days and it was a bear of a job. Many of the clients had clutter they'd collected over the months and even years they'd been living there and they had to be encouraged to toss some of that "sentimental" trash away. And I'm talking trash, like 3-D glasses collected by a guy who works at a movie theater; junk mail; photos of girl friends they hadn't dated or even talked to in 6 months; broken coffee cups from favorite coffee shops; broken bikes (he said he wants to fix and sell them but they'd in the basement broken for 11/2 years)...and the list goes on...

Most of the 8 moved into their house and got settled right away. 2 of them moved in, stacked their boxes in their rooms and decided to unpack "later". The last had his bedroom and bathroom totally trashed the very next day. Oh yeah, they moved from 2 houses that had several and 2 bathrooms each into a house with 8 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms. The agency is going totally gut the other 2 houses and remodel them before renting to clients again.



(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 9:39:55 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		My everyday persona is not submissive.

That would not be possible as I am a single working woman trying to make it through life.

My kink in no way mirrors my life.

I wish it did, but that would require a partner.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 6/8/2013 9:41:18 PM >

(in reply to erieangel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/8/2013 10:14:41 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky

Hi all. I'm curious as to how many Subs/Slaves would define their personality in everyday life as submissive or in some other way? I would define myself as an easy going dominant type guy. I can bend if I decide its cool. I've even been described as flexible. But other folks have seen me draw hard lines, get mean, and accept nothing less than MY way. Especially if I see injustice.

I would describe my submissive side as being me taking a break from being me in the outside world. Also, I'm normally very dominant in bed. Vanilla or not. But. If the right lady had my trust and some good moves I can really be a cool slave. (Subs have limits). I'm my Wife's Slave for the time being. For most of our relationship it has been the other way around. But hey.. Gotta spice things up after twelve years. Oh... And I must say its deliciously spicy these days.

So what about you? Does your kink mirror your outward personality or is it more complex? I hear people say to other people "yowaning be taken seriously as a Dom.". What could that mean? I will put money that i would be the most Alpha Male of all the Alpha males in a room. Yet, I switch. So I'm hypothesizing that there is more to this Role Play than just a persons everyday demeanor. what's your take?


I thought a lot about this and what it really boils down to is that my plan is 'forever' and to make that happen, I need to do what he says and see how it goes from there. Being obedient and pleasing, entertaining and passionate.. well, he's kept me for 17 years so my plan is in full swing and working perfectly!

Muhahaha

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/9/2013 8:55:20 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm submissive to one. Which doesn't mean I want to be in charge of telling other people what to do. I don't. However, the fact that I don't order them around doesn't automatically mean I submit to them.

And topping and bottoming have nothing to do with dominance and submission. The fact that you like her using a strap on with you doesn't mean she's the decision maker in the relationship.

And if you came in all alpha male asshole telling people who have not agreed that you have authority over them what to do, you wouldn't get obedience. You would get told to stop being a dickhead and asked to leave.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/10/2013 1:49:50 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I'm submissive to one. Which doesn't mean I want to be in charge of telling other people what to do. I don't. However, the fact that I don't order them around doesn't automatically mean I submit to them.
This describes me pretty accurately as well.

I would describe myself as pretty neutral. In my life in general, I don't take preference to an overtly leadership position OR an overtly follower position.

I am not especially comfortable when I have to lead but I won't hesitate to do so when it's necessary for me to step up. I am also head strong and don't easily 'go with the flow' or accept things if they don't sit well with me in some way. I'm opinionated and strong-willed and it shows.

In most cases, I take an equal ground in my interactions.

As for following/being submissive, when I feel that someone is more dominant than me, is respectable, trustworthy, and fit to lead in whatever circumstance we're in, I gladly defer to them.

My personality is such that my natural reaction (dominant/neutral/submissive) changes and adapts depending on who/what I'm dealing with--it's not a black-and-white thing that can be universally applied. With my Master, I fall comfortably into the "gladly defer to" category--our personalities just interact that way.

Beyond that, there is only one person (my Master) who I have committed to submit to entirely and indefinitely, and that is by choice of giving ownership of myself to him.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/14/2013 11:58:48 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		Im definitely submissive in tendrncy, generally prefer to obey and please everyone

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/14/2013 3:19:30 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I am definitely submissive in my everyday life with everyone. I am the type that will sit in the back of the room and try to hide so she's not called on. I'm the one who will never take the lead unless she's forced to and even then I will usually try to push the responsibilities off onto others just so I don't have to deal with it. There's a reason my friends and Master all call me the "mouse in my pocket". I will go along pretty much anywhere and I'm ok with it. I rarely care what we do or where we go. I'm ok either way. So yeah....it's definitely my everyday personality.


Don't be fooled. She's got a backbone of pride that's strong as steel :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/14/2013 7:05:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I am definitely submissive in my everyday life with everyone. I am the type that will sit in the back of the room and try to hide so she's not called on. I'm the one who will never take the lead unless she's forced to and even then I will usually try to push the responsibilities off onto others just so I don't have to deal with it. There's a reason my friends and Master all call me the "mouse in my pocket". I will go along pretty much anywhere and I'm ok with it. I rarely care what we do or where we go. I'm ok either way. So yeah....it's definitely my everyday personality.


Don't be fooled. She's got a backbone of pride that's strong as steel :-)




hahahahahaha....not even close. If I did I wouldn't be having to constantly tell my boss how uncomfortable I am with his praise of me. <cringe>


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Submissive, personality or diversion. - 6/15/2013 2:43:51 PM   
quietnoise3


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2013
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline 		I [prefer to] assume a more submissive role in the bedroom and passive role in planning and communication when it comes to relationships.

This also applies to my social and professional life. I was very well-behaved and polite as a child, but my biggest difficulty was not being able to say no -- a dangerous trait for a child to have.

Lately at work, I have strangely been turning into a leader. This has come with experience, building relationships, and building confidence. I am starting to wonder if my passivity has been, at many times, not really my "personality" but rather a defense mechanism or psychological reaction to perceived uncertain/unknown situations. But when it comes to women and relationships, I do believe it is my personality and preferred way of living and loving.

So my answer is yes, there is strong correlation for me. But with agreement with the others that a more appropriate answer would be, "it depends".

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 20
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