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njlauren -> RE: learning to love bdsm (6/9/2013 9:29:52 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: km23
alright.
so to me, D/s the dom, sub relationship. I want a dom who can control every sexual move i make. its not just a bit of fun or "pretned" i want it to be real & have that real, intense connection with someone.
the things im into require a lot of trust .. for example, breath control, rape fantasy, knife play...
when someones not naturally dominant and your asking them to change from vanilla normality to the above, its a pretty big jump !!
I agree with others, sounds more like you want a bedroom relationship where he totally controls the sex, which is fine, just isn't a lifestyle D/s per se. Or do you also see this extending into the rest of your life, where he controls decision making and such for things outside the bedroom?
I was in your position, and for bedroom play like that it is possible he will find his inner dom, a lot of people could be potentially into that and not know it.It doesn't mean it is easy and it may not be a fast progression.
First of all, have you talked to him about it? Have you explored with him online, to show what it is you are talking about? There are books like the Topping book and bottoming book that may help, but sometimes the best way may be to talk to him about what you want, and find a way to start, which seems easy, but is probably the hardest part. You won't get someone who will be as good as someone you may have played with, it is going to be a process if he does find he is interested. Sometimes IME someone may not be particularly in it themselves, but get something out of it because it turns on their partner, so that is another possibility, too. One of the nice parts is you get to be on the journey with him, it can be frustrating if you have been down the path a bit and he is inching along, but if he catches his wind, could be mighty interesting.
The key is opening up to him and telling him what you want/need, and then talk about first steps to try. Maybe he would be willing to tie you up and tickle you, or tie you up, blindfold you, then make you suck him off or otherwise service him, start small, and see where it goes from there. I would be very careful about introducing him to the harder stuff right away, tone it down, take it in steps and let him see what it does for you, and it might work. I did just that, my sweetie was as vanilla as you could want, and it took a while, but it blossomed on us. No guarantees, but I sincerely hope you open up and talk to him, and see what happens.
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