How will you know a mistress is safe

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How will you know a mistress is safe

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> How will you know a mistress is safe

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 7:15:41 AM

kinkyswagger

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/29/2012
Status: offline

So there is an ad for a slave and I am thinking of applying. My main worry is if I am successful and I take up that role, how will I know the mistress is not playing me and it is all a ruse.

I don't want someone to tie me up and beat me senseless or something.
Aren't people afraid of such possibilities?

Post #: 1

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 7:25:00 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

That's an excellent question and here is my answer: How do you know that *any* of the people you interact with are safe?

Well, you don't know until you have had enough interactions to determine that they are safe.

I'm not taking the piss, I'm telling you that you should get to know a 'mistress' as an actual human being before engaging in play or any sort of power dynamic. In other words, if you want an 'insta-domme' you have to pay for it.

BTW: You profile says you weigh in at 55 pounds. I'm guessing you means kilos?

_____________________________

(in reply to kinkyswagger)

Post #: 2

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 8:04:10 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

So you have spammed this question to multiple forums. Since Chatte has replied here, I will too.

You will know she is safe because you will have used your brain and evaluated her before you ever engage in anything kinky. You will have met her in a vanilla setting first, you will have had multiple discussions about life, the universe, and what you both are considering doing with each other.

She should be doing the same with you - and if you perceive she is not, then that is a sign in and of itself.

Don't let your desire for kink lead you into an unsafe situation or think that suddenly you don't have to think.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to kinkyswagger)

Post #: 3

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 8:50:02 AM

kinkyswagger

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/29/2012
Status: offline

@ChatteParfaitt

Haha yes it is but now it is 65 but it probably go down again as I am back in Uni. If we do regular meetups, is it safe to say there is a high probability everything is good?

@OttersSwim

Well I thought It was appropriate to get both the mistress and slave/sub opinions on it. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong but it seems I broke a rule. Why can you not cross post like this?

@Both

Can I request that there wont be any sort of tying up until we have developed a certain level of trust. I ask this be because there seems to be this perception that a male sub is a sub who has no say/limit.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 4

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 9:42:28 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

If she won't respect the human/vanilla side of you she is unlikely to respect the kinky side.

Here is a trick few male submissives learn, the more self respect you show, the higher the quality of the mistress you will atrract. Actually, that goes for most dominants and masters too...

(in reply to kinkyswagger)

Post #: 5

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 9:57:34 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Can I request that there wont be any sort of tying up until we have developed a certain level of trust. I ask this be because there seems to be this perception that a male sub is a sub who has no say/limit.

Pst.... until you and she actually enter into a relationship, you can halt any play you want. There is no such thing as a "no limit" sub/slave. Only subs/slaves who are horny enough to buy into that myth.

Until she gains your trust, you call the shots on anything physical done to you.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to kinkyswagger)

Post #: 6

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 10:04:35 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Ah okay, since your profile says you are from the UK, I didn't realize English is not your first language.

Have you ever dated in real time? The same rules apply. In other words, as long as you are enjoying each other, you hook up when you can and see where it leads.

As for

quote:

Can I request that there wont be any sort of tying up until we have developed a certain level of trust. I ask this be because there seems to be this perception that a male sub is a sub who has no say/limit.

Of course you can request that. And if someone does not respect your wishes, view it as a serious warning.

BTW: There are those of us who think no limits slaves don't exist.

_____________________________

(in reply to kinkyswagger)

Post #: 7

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 1:05:28 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Meet and get to know her. No one should earn your trust automatically, like others have said, you call the shots, you set your limits.
Use common sense, and follow your instincts. As someone who's trust has been abused (although not in a BDSM setting), I struggle with this a lot. I've learned that even if I'm a bottom it doesn't mean I have to be stupid or put myself in dangerous situations or situations I don't want to be in. If someone doesn't respect my limits or abuses my trust from the get go, or has a general disregard for earning my submission, its probably best to just let it go and not get involved with a person like that.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 8

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 1:30:15 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

If your gut says "Don't trust her" - don't.

and don't allow bondage that you can't get out of until you trust her - and have some time invested in the relationship. If she is a reasonable person, she will understand the issue.

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 9

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 3:58:20 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

Are either of you part of the public scene? Have you met other people who know or have played with this woman? Certainly you can make such a request; trust is earned and she should realize this. An alternative could be that if she wants to do a bondage scene, then you play at a club, private party, or you pick a third party (of your choosing) to observe and not participate. There are solutions/compromises to many situations, you just need to be open to the possibilities.

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 10

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 5:54:54 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Pst.... until you and she actually enter into a relationship, you can halt any play you want. There is no such thing as a "no limit" sub/slave. Only subs/slaves who are horny enough to buy into that myth.

Until she gains your trust, you call the shots on anything physical done to you.

Um. BEFORE you're in a relationship, you can halt any time.

AFTER you're in the relationship, you can STILL halt any time. If that's what the two of you agreed upon.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 11

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 6:03:03 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Pst.... until you and she actually enter into a relationship, you can halt any play you want.

........

Until she gains your trust, you call the shots on anything physical done to you.

Thats what I said.

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 6/12/2013 6:04:48 PM >

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 12

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 7:17:24 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

If you wouldn't do it with someone "vanilla" then you don't do it with someone "bdsm" . How do you know when someone is safe in the "vanilla" world?

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 13

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/12/2013 10:52:42 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um. BEFORE you're in a relationship, you can halt any time.

AFTER you're in the relationship, you can STILL halt any time. If that's what the two of you agreed upon.

Even if it's not what you agreed upon, you can STILL halt any time.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 14

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/13/2013 10:41:22 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger
So there is an ad for a slave and I am thinking of applying. My main worry is if I am
successful and I take up that role, how will I know the mistress is not playing me and it is all a ruse.

Was there something specific about this woman's profile that made you feel you were a good fit?
I'm not a mistress, so the chances are good that I am incorrect in my assumption that the
majority of profiles that advertise a slave application process are somewhat suspect.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to kinkyswagger)

Post #: 15

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/13/2013 1:24:00 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I don't think it is an incorrect assumption at all. The dominants, both male and female, who ask for people to "apply" always tend to come off as fantasy players.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 16

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/13/2013 3:09:02 PM

MasterSadric

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If she won't respect the human/vanilla side of you she is unlikely to respect the kinky side.

Here is a trick few male submissives learn, the more self respect you show, the higher the quality of the mistress you will atrract. Actually, that goes for most dominants and masters too...

THAT should be framed and mounted.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 17

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/13/2013 3:11:43 PM

MasterSadric

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I don't think it is an incorrect assumption at all. The dominants, both male and female, who ask for people to "apply" always tend to come off as fantasy players.

Darn it, I was going to draw up a complete application with requests for professional references, to be filled out in triplicate and require two witnesses and a notary republic.

**Sigh* all that good work for nothing.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 18

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/13/2013 7:43:41 PM

ThundersCry54

Posts: 71
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline

It`s been my experience you can get to *know* someone for a long time and...really not know them...

I know I had a nigtmarish experience when I was new with someone I had just met at a munch, and believe me I wondered if I was going to get out of that house that night alive...LOL

Your going to do what your going to do eventually, reguardless of what others say...

Gooooooooddddd luck...

Oh, I think I would use a safe call looking back, I knew of them, had been warned to use them... but I just threw caution into the wind...tsk tsk

(in reply to kinkyswagger)

Post #: 19

RE: How will you know a mistress is safe - 6/14/2013 2:04:24 AM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I have to agree with this. If I wouldn't do something with someone in the "vanilla" realm, then chances are I certainly wouldn't trust that person to tie me up. I have certainly had this issue cross my mind many times over the years. The only safe place I would feel doing a scene like that with someone I didn't know would be at a "public play party" or "play club". Either way,those are probably the safest bet. But really,in the end, this is why I feel trust is too important. Best advice I can give is not to let your little "head", do the thinking for your bigger "head". Once I get into "subspace" though, its a different mindset for me. That's when I do need to know who I am dealing with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If you wouldn't do it with someone "vanilla" then you don't do it with someone "bdsm" . How do you know when someone is safe in the "vanilla" world?

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> How will you know a mistress is safe

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109