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RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 6:19:31 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
LOL

I didnt think that sounded like you

I actually am one of those folks who separates BDSM from D/s. I completely believe that a person can be in BDSM and not be involved in authority dynamics and not all folks involved in authority dynamics are interested in the acts that encompass Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Heck, when I first started out, I was in the latter group. The sadism came later.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 6:24:27 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.

A D/s relationship does constitute discipline.... just not always corporal punishment.

Sadism can take many forms, the same as a masochism.

None of which require going to a group meeting to explore.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 6:34:41 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think you're replying more to Jeff on the "group" thing than you are to Me. (Yes, it's that dang "in reply to" feature.) I've never really saw the "discipline" part as relationship/dynamic related. Discipline can also be interpreted as protocol, funishment, (which isn't necessarily relationship based, either) etc, etc.

Mostly, I have the way I see it because of those folks who want to go with the Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Sadism, submission, and Masochism explanation for the acronym, which I've never been a supporter.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 6:38:13 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I find the labels unimportant in pretty much all cases. If someone says they are into "BDSM" that tells me that they are alternative in some way and it probably has something to do with sex or relationships. I don't know that any of that is true but it's a good guess. So just as when someone tells me they are a slave, when someone tells me they are into BDSM I wait patiently for the next few sentences to clarify it.

edited to add:
LadyPact convinced me that I am not a true BDSM'er. I'm a BDSM groupie (insufficient whips & chains) So I'm one of those folks that finds overlap with this community but isn't really a part of it.


Yeah, but see if you had the license, you could point to it and say, "See I don't need a label to define me cause this label says so..."

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 6:41:57 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Meh. No more is needed in my opinion. No one needs to be excluded.

Bondage is pretty self explanatory. Can be from shibari to a simple leash or a set of handcuffs (how many nilla women carry those around).

Discipline can take many, many forms, from physical to psychological even emotional.

Sadism... again... can be physical.. can be mental.

Masochism is the same way.

Personally, I dont see where ownership comes into it at all... or has to be excluded. All those can be done within a relationship, or outside. All can be done at home or among a community.

I just feel when we look to separate, we are looking to control, place someone above or below, and determine who the new cool kids are this week.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 7:00:04 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Actually, it's from My own experience in that My first dynamic didn't include BDSM. Not in the way that I see it, anyway. I wasn't into BDSM. I was only about the M/s and didn't want people assuming the acts that go with BDSM were a part of that.

I think when we use it as a catch all term that it confuses people when we are talking about the folks who are BDSM but not authority dynamics as well. There are plenty of tops and bottoms out there who engage in BDSM, but want nothing to do with power exchange.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 7:09:59 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		lol... And there are plenty who have relationships and are Tops or Bottoms outside of those relationships, even the D/s ones. Just sounds like an exclusionary rule to me.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 10:16:33 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		My definition of a fake "bdsm" person is when the person is truly into pure non-consensual bdsm. This person would be a danger to society.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 10:43:24 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		FR

The only people who I would call 'fakes' (and I'd hesitate to use that term because it's so loaded) are the people who are out-and-out lying about their interests for some nefarious reason. As in, a scammer who has discovered that 'I want to be your slave but I'm stuck in Thailand' is as effective as the Spanish lottery scams or someone who has heard that he/she can totally get free sex without any effort by just using the word 'dominant'.

Other than that, I think people can identify themselves or their interest in BDSM as they see fit - who am I to judge? Some of the debates about the 'real' way to do things remind me of people who argue over who is 'allowed' to call themselves bisexual - I don't think any of us can determine another person's inner feelings on the matter and ultimately it's not that important. They're just expressing their desires using the best language they have available.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 10:55:42 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
I just feel when we look to separate, we are looking to control, place someone above or below, and determine who the new cool kids are this week.

for the record my opinion is hardly "separatist". I actually feel fairly tightly bonded to the BDSM community through a lot of relationships and experiences. It was more a personal observation. It feels more right to say I'm a "frequent tourist" than a local (if that makes sense). Analyzing complex things and noting similarities, differences, obvious groupings and centers of mass, etc. is just me being the same old curious me.

I mentioned it here because it seemed relevant. Big surprise that the guy who doesn't see himself as a BDSM person doesn't much care about BDSM labels.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 11:09:11 PM   
inchargeinca


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/26/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

I was curious (that happens A LOT with me) as whether or not others here felt there were "true" BDSMers and how one would define such. The reason I ask is I have seen a few comments over the course of my stay here that have somewhat implied such a belief in some - not all



In my experience, people who use the adjective "true" usually mean -- "the way I do something is right; and everyone who does it differently is wrong." Personally, I don't care about definitions or label. I am simply looking to do what is right for me, and find women who I am compatible with.

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/13/2013 4:26:11 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		~FR~

Yes, I believe there is such a thing as "True" BDSMers. They are everybody who truly likes BDSM. I don't believe there is such a thing as a "True" master, slave, dom, sub, etc, etc, ad nauseum.

"Fake", oddly enough, works just the opposite way as "true." There is no such thing as a "fake" BDSMer. But, a "fake" master, slave, etc is defined as anybody who does not fit the fantasy ideal of the person using the word "fake" to describe him.

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/13/2013 4:33:20 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Until they are called fake themselves.

I prefer people think I am a fake. Then I dont have any expectations to live up too.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/13/2013 7:34:01 PM   
tr289


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/3/2013
Status: offline 		A fake "BDSMer" to me is some one who tries to conform to what others say is a " true BDSMer ".

I shied away from the BDSM community because i didn't fit the mold of a "dominant male". Later on in life i was invited to a fairly large BDSM type party here in Chicago and when i walked into the room, at 6'2, 210 lbs, Iraq war vet... I was the alpha male ! All the so called " masters " and " Dom's " were weak little men that i would break with little to no effort if i cared to do so.

That's also when i realized that instead of worrying about what others read in a book and called a Master or a Dominant i should just seek out what i like and what i want and if any one has a problem with it... Well that's just to god damn bad now isn't it ? lol


I think people spend to much time over analyzing and trying to conform to what others think is a " BDSMer ". Just find the people with the same mindset and kinks and enjoy it. But that's just my opinion. =)

(edit)
I accidentally replied to Tazzygirl ? Forgive me this post was not directed to you.

< Message edited by tr289 -- 6/13/2013 7:43:23 PM >

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/13/2013 7:42:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not a fake...just a figment of your imagination.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tr289)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/13/2013 7:47:17 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm not a fake...just a figment of your imagination.


Soooo...you're saying we all have crazy imaginations?


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/13/2013 7:49:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Well being a figment of your imagination, you actually said that.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/13/2013 7:54:14 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		Sigh. Those voices in my head just won't go away.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/14/2013 2:27:02 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hah. The great thing about BDSM is that there are no rules (There are though, one must note, laws applicable to where one is standing that may have quiet significant relevance )
You are what you say you are and it's that simple.
I mean really, like some diaper wearing or latex n clad whip wielding beeeeooootch has any right to judge anyone anyhow.

Besides, grins,we live in the post Einstein world, everything is relative

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/15/2013 5:33:22 PM   
subcj44


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/8/2013
Status: offline 		I have always been attracted to kink, long before I was sexually active. I loved watching movies etc, in which there was a woman tied up. I never understood my fascination until about 10 years ago when I first learned about BDSM. Being submissive comes naturally to me. Kinda like my being stubborn is natural

< Message edited by subcj44 -- 6/15/2013 5:35:48 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 40
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