Self consciousness at the critical moment

Self consciousness at the critical moment (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 3:56:16 PM)
Does this happen to you dommies? The reason I ask is that sometimes I imagine a femdom utterly in the dom groove during a scene, or during some private moment and just when things feel as though they're just about to get very ecstatic . . . and then, suddenly you feel like a twat. All confidence goes out of the window; all flame-hot ardour quickly follows. Does it all just suddenly vanish sometimes, in a big feeling of 'this is silly'? Respond immediately and cogently.

MissToYouRedux -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 4:08:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Does this happen to you dommies? ... , suddenly you feel like a twat. All confidence goes out of the window... No. Cogent enough? [;)]

TNDommeK -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 4:12:53 PM)
Not at all.

VioletViolence -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 4:35:59 PM)
Ok, yes I have had this happen. Invariably though it's been because one of my bottom-y but not submissive partners has asked me to do a scene with them and at a certain point it dawns on me that they're just play acting and I kinda lose my footing. For this reason I've specifically made a rule that anyone who does not consider me to be their dominant is not allowed to use titles with me. It sounds odd, but I can hear in their "Yes Mistress" that they're being disingenuous and it can feel like a bucket of cold water. But since I changed a few things around it hasn't happened in a while.

PeonForHer -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 4:39:42 PM)
FR OK, I'll admit that part of this comes from my once having played top to a GF who was very into being sub. (Head of Women's Group and president of the students' union - long story.) It was really bloody difficult. At all times, I had a lurking feeling of 'Oh shit. No matter how totally God-like I may feel, I'm just some so ordinary bloke. I'm no James Bond. My dick is just average, I hate my knees and I feel like a knob when I smile...'. Is there a female equivalent? For instance, do femdoms suddenly think 'Oh, fuck this - who am I kidding? I'm no Greta Garbot. Who can do "ice cool and suave" when the shoes just hurt, the back aches and one badly needs the toilet? Or, 'I'm no tiger, I'm just a limp house cat. What power do I have, beyond the game-playing?'

PeonForHer -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 4:42:20 PM)
quote: It sounds odd, but I can hear in their "Yes Mistress" that they're being disingenuous and it can feel like a bucket of cold water. I get that totally. If I were to say those words, I would know whether I felt it or not with the woman in front of me, instantly.

MissToYouRedux -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 5:18:13 PM)
I don't do ice-cool and suave. I do direct and demanding. I know I have a ridiculous ego for a woman of a certain age, but it derives both from self-sufficiency and clarity in what works for me. So there's no "Who am I kidding?" because the guys get someone unadorned but authentic. And it either works or it doesn't, but I don't have to dominate the world. [:D]

PeonForHer -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 5:24:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux I don't do ice-cool and suave. I do direct and demanding. I know I have a ridiculous ego for a woman of a certain age, but it derives both from self-sufficiency and clarity in what works for me. So there's no "Who am I kidding?" because the guys get someone unadorned but authentic. And it either works or it doesn't, but I don't have to dominate the world. [:D] Now, that was a good response, MTYR. I've concluded that I may have to eat you.

LadyPact -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 7:00:44 PM)
Yep. It's happened. Usually when I'm not feeling it with the person and was really just getting off on the activity.

Rawni -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/15/2013 7:25:48 PM)
The closest thing to that I can think of was having to stop to laugh my ass off because of my inner dialog and breaking up the moment. [:D] I never felt like a twat, though I am sure I've made at least a couple feel like one. There have been times doing something new that I didn't feel as strong as I normally would feel.. but one reaction from him and I am back in my element. [:D]

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 3:05:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer FR OK, I'll admit that part of this comes from my once having played top to a GF who was very into being sub. (Head of Women's Group and president of the students' union - long story.) It was really bloody difficult. At all times, I had a lurking feeling of 'Oh shit. No matter how totally God-like I may feel, I'm just some so ordinary bloke. I'm no James Bond. My dick is just average, I hate my knees and I feel like a knob when I smile...'. Is there a female equivalent? For instance, do femdoms suddenly think 'Oh, fuck this - who am I kidding? I'm no Greta Garbot. Who can do "ice cool and suave" when the shoes just hurt, the back aches and one badly needs the toilet? Or, 'I'm no tiger, I'm just a limp house cat. What power do I have, beyond the game-playing?' Not with someone who is/was mine, and not for a very long time with a bottom. If I were in my twenties or early thirties and could wear those fishnet stockings, high heels, fetish clothing...eh, I'd might have a problem with gears suddenly shifting in my head. (Psst, I was prone to twisting my ankle back when I wore high heels, lol. THAT would definitely deflate the moment during a scene, to go from being the costumed Big Bad to whimpering like a little girl and limping.) I'm just me, not something larger than life, and I do what I feel. The laughing my arse off moment that happened during a session with a bottom came when I tried on a strapon for the first time and thought I looked RIDICULOUS. (I did; it was too SMALL/PUNY and it was flesh colored.) It completely threw me off my stride until I told the man it's just not going to happen, kicked the harness away into some corner and got out my latex gloves. But during those five minutes alone in the bathroom...I told myself that if I have to look this farking ridiculous, feel that awkward, then forget it, I'd rather be vanilla and celibate. I had been trying that out with the wrong person, for the wrong reason. When I was new to this and almost threw in the towel, Akasha's article (it's also posted here at CM somewhere) helped me to remain true to myself and explore what I wanted to, when I wanted to, instead of being pushed or guilted into roleplay. Nobody writes my script and gives me prompts.

DesFIP -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 3:14:17 PM)
This happens as a sub. He'll do something and I'll think I look ridiculous and totally not sexy. Definitely a mood killer. This isn't a top/bottom or D/s thing, it's a human thing. Having attacks of insecurity. The first time he decided to take a picture of me bound was one of these. He was floored as we had discussed the security of the pics. Only thing that was running through my head at the moment was "My hair isn't washed". When he stopped laughing, he explained that the last thing he was looking at was my limp hair and went back to what he was doing.

SpyUnderCover -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 4:18:12 PM)
I've had moments of this as well. Moments where I've got him completely vulnerable and suddenly blank on what to do next. Moments where I think, "Well I'm into this but what if he isn't at all?" Or, "What if I look silly in that position?" "What if he thinks I'm not 'doing it' right?" The list could go on and on. The bottom line -- which I think has already been mentioned in various ways -- is that I remain myself. If I have a momentary lapse in confidence, it's likely to be just that: momentary. I can always leave the room and regroup (and make him wonder what I'm up to), restrict his eye contact, or any number of things to reaffirm my control. Come to think of it, I can also say, "I'm just not feeling it right now; what I'd really like you to do is snuggle with me on the couch ... " Spy

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 5:39:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer and then, suddenly you feel like a twat. All confidence goes out of the window; all flame-hot ardour quickly follows. Does it all just suddenly vanish sometimes, in a big feeling of 'this is silly'? That would happen when I was really new. Well, I'm still newish I guess, but I mean when I was really new. I remember one time I was soooooo excited when I had my very first sub. He presented me with his CB6000. I was so excited that (1)I had my first sub and (2)I was getting to put him in chastity, which is something I'd always been curious about. BUT......I didn't know how to freaking put the damn thing on him! He had to show me how. All of a sudden I felt like an idiot!! It seems like the how-to would be pretty obvious, but I was afraid of hurting him. (I wasn't yet sadistic at that point.) I've had a few of those instances when I was facing something brand-new to me. Like the first time I ever pegged someone, or rather, I should say tried in that case. I had a helluva time getting in my groove. It's not like I was born with the apparatus. haha I felt like an idiot when I didn't "get" what I was doing right off. I was so excited to be doing it and, all of a sudden, my incompetence at it(at that point) hit me like a bucket of cold water in my face. The big thrill turned into OMG, what the hell am I doing!? lol NBMG

Rawni -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 5:54:14 PM)
LOL... That's when you have him put it on and inspect it! [;)]

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 7:31:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni LOL... That's when you have him put it on and inspect it! [;)] That's exactly what I ended up doing. I watched him very carefully when he was putting it on. Then I made sure he couldn't get out of it! lol NBMG

Rawni -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 7:36:22 PM)
You should have seen me with the sand paper, rubbing alcohol spanking. OMG! Each time I have done it, I totally lose it thinking, white men can dance. Some tough dom I am eh? [:D] I get hysterical in laughter and end up a little ball on the bed.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 7:38:12 PM)
Sand paper and rubbing alcohol? Now that's something I need to try! hehe NBMG

Rawni -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 7:39:22 PM)
OMG... it is soooo much fun! I still laugh thinking about it!

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Self consciousness at the critical moment (6/16/2013 9:08:05 PM)
I've had the moment you speak of. I had the boy face up on the table gagged with his hands bound and legs in a spreader bar, inserting a stainless steel sound to prepare him for a urethral/prostate electro loop. When the tip of it started to go in, the sensation surprised him and he jerked away from my hand. Instead of controlled insertion, his penis sucked up that sound all by itself in the blink of an eye. He roared into his gag, and started to bleed a drop or two. In a split second I put a restraining knee over his torso to hold him down while telling him if he could be completely still I could take care of him. I went to gently remove the sound, but it popped out by itself, causing one more gagged scream of surprise. He was shaken, and I felt like a putz that it had gone so badly. Blood wasn't either of our thing, so seeing it where it wasn't warranted upset me (not him, surprisingly). The evening turned out OK after I took him out of bondage, calmed him down, and we talked about what and how it had happened. I never sounded him again, but I learned I could threaten him with it as punishment to great effect. [:D] But yes, for a while I felt like a complete douche.

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