R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Full Version)

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cutiewithabootie -> R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 8:21:26 AM)
I was in this lifestyle almost a decade. In that time I have noticed that "bratting" became a fettish in itself. And pushy dominants became almost expected. I have also noticed that some submissives became ruder in public and some forms of public courtesy became lax. Is this just me? Has the respect in this lifestyle started to fade when TNG seems to enter a new generation? What do you think? Is common curtesy and basic manners became less and less frequent as time rolls on? Why do you agree or disagree?

Charles6682 -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 8:31:53 AM)
I hope not. I always thought common courtesy was a given in life,period. When I hold a door for the old Lady at the store, I do that because it's the right thing to do. Saying "Please","Thank You" and so on,I don't really view as a "submissive" trait. I just view doing those things as simple "Common Courtesy". Of course, my grandmother was raised from the 1920's and really left that impression on myself and my brother. Chivalry is the term I'm trying to find here. I know not everyone was raised to think like that. Is it just me or does it seem the overwhelming majority of "Dommes under 23 years old" are where the majority of Fin-Dommes are at? I hope being a "Duck Lip" and sticking out the "middle finger", isn't the new modern day "Domme".

cutiewithabootie -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 8:36:36 AM)
I agree with you completely lol. Demanding a person's wallet in yoùr most intimidating voice isn't domination to me. Its called being mugged lol. Nothing against findoms. Just not my cup of tea. I don't ask for money nor offer it.

DaddySatyr -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 8:39:51 AM)
I think there's a difference but I think it's even a wider chasm than that. I think there are a large number of people who are more into kinks than are into actual lifestyle D/s or M/s. I think the kink has become very "chic" (and I won't mention that facacta book as a reason) as opposed to something that was practiced in private. It's very "open-minded" for people to engage in kink (even if they're only doing it to be part of the "in" crowd). I don't think people that are really here for the kink particularly care about living the D/s or M/s life. They want to go into the bedroom, get their itch scratched, and get on with their 'nilla lives ('nilla used to be term used, by the way; not vanilla). I think that is the reason why we hear a lot more about "FUNishments" and we see a lot more "bratty" behavior. Then, you've got the "weirdos" like myself. I couldn't possibly care less about kink. I'm here because of the protocols and structure of a D/s (or M/s if YOU choose) dynamic. My lady doesn't stick out her tongue or purposely not do the dishes in hopes that she'll get a spanking because she won't get a spanking for it. My lady isn't a masochist and doesn't enjoy physical pain. If she were and she purposely didn't do the dishes, why would I reward bad behavior? The passive-aggressive aspect aside, I don't think it's so much the practitioners of the "lifestyle" that are losing respect; I think people that are really only about the kink have no idea (nor do they care) about the lifestyle and it's components. And don't get me wrong; that's fine. I'm not saying they have to. I'm just offering an explanation to the phenomenon. Peace and comfort, Michael

SimplyMichael -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 9:30:40 AM)
Oh hell yes, all those who started the day after me are shallow twits!

Missokyst -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 9:33:06 AM)
Bratting has always been pretty common in online versions of bdsm, that and over the norm manners (calling people master/mistress ect). In the real world things have changed, but it is not just BDSM. People in general are more laxidasical. I completely disagree that there was some sort of a "lifestyle". I don't belong to a cult. I do this because I do. I am polite because I am. It has nothing to do with a supposed lifestyle.

cutiewithabootie -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 9:33:18 AM)
@DS- interesting perspective. I have noticed some submissives with ridiculous social manners and all I could think of was to wonder "Really? Is this the new standard of submission? This is what appeals now?" You had an interesting theory!

Missokyst -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 9:34:46 AM)
LMAO quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Oh hell yes, all those who started the day after me are shallow twits!

TNDommeK -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 9:35:14 AM)
I think manners should always be involved, vanilla or otherwise.

Charles6682 -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 9:40:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK I think manners should always be involved, vanilla or otherwise. [sm=agree.gif]

OrionTheWolf -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 10:34:37 AM)
My opinion is that it is just a reflection of society. I wonder how many in general society are considered rude or bad manners and if that percentage just carries over into other groupings.

OsideGirl -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 10:55:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie @DS- interesting perspective. I have noticed some submissives with ridiculous social manners and all I could think of was to wonder "Really? Is this the new standard of submission? This is what appeals now?" Just because I'm submissive does not mean that I'm submissive to everyone or owe someone a greater level of courtesy. Just because you've labeled yourself as Dominant doesn't mean you're worthy of my respect. I try to treat everyone with courtesy, unless they've proven they're not worth the courtesy. Respect is something that is earned.

DaddySatyr -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 10:59:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie @DS- interesting perspective. I have noticed some submissives with ridiculous social manners and all I could think of was to wonder "Really? Is this the new standard of submission? This is what appeals now?" Just because I'm submissive does not mean that I'm submissive to everyone or owe someone a greater level of courtesy. Just because you've labeled yourself as Dominant doesn't mean you're worthy of my respect. I try to treat everyone with courtesy, unless they've proven they're not worth the courtesy. Respect is something that is earned. Oside, I hope you're not thinking that the words in red are what I meant to convey? Peace and comfort, Michael

OsideGirl -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 11:03:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie @DS- interesting perspective. I have noticed some submissives with ridiculous social manners and all I could think of was to wonder "Really? Is this the new standard of submission? This is what appeals now?" Just because I'm submissive does not mean that I'm submissive to everyone or owe someone a greater level of courtesy. Just because you've labeled yourself as Dominant doesn't mean you're worthy of my respect. I try to treat everyone with courtesy, unless they've proven they're not worth the courtesy. Respect is something that is earned. Oside, I hope you're not thinking that the words in red are what I meant to convey? Peace and comfort, Michael No, no. It was a direct response to the rest of the quote, particularly the "standard of submission" part. I probably should have removed that first sentence that referenced your post. Here's the thing: I don't really care if someone thinks I'm submissive or not. I don't care if I score on someone else's "standard of submission". Bottom line is that we're happy and have been for long time. While I may look at other people's relationship and not understand, it's not my place to figure out if they're hitting some standard. If they're happy and it's working, who cares if they hit my standards?

DaddySatyr -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 11:06:43 AM)
Whew! Okay, good. I get it bad enough for things that I do mean LOL

shiftyw -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 11:18:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie @DS- interesting perspective. I have noticed some submissives with ridiculous social manners and all I could think of was to wonder "Really? Is this the new standard of submission? This is what appeals now?" Just because I'm submissive does not mean that I'm submissive to everyone or owe someone a greater level of courtesy. Just because you've labeled yourself as Dominant doesn't mean you're worthy of my respect. I try to treat everyone with courtesy, unless they've proven they're not worth the courtesy. Respect is something that is earned. I am younger (25)- and I feel this way. I'm also not a 24/7 submissive. BUT I can say- I think culture itself as a whole has lost a lot of it its formalities. I'm not bratty to my top, or anyone, unless they give me a good reason to be, but I'm also sure that for everyone I meet of an older generation than mine (within BDSM or outside of it) sees some things that I do to be rude or inappropriate (especially when it comes to how I dress and some of the opinions that I express openly), simply because I grew up in a different culture with rules that have shifted.

BitaTruble -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 11:43:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie Is common curtesy and basic manners became less and less frequent as time rolls on? A question asked by grandparents for generation upon generation. OI.. kids these days.. huh. [:D] I don't believe that common courtesy has gone out of style. Internet anonymity may make it appear so, but get most adults face to face and they know and behave as is appropriate for a given venue. It is a rare thing to see 'football stadium' mentality during Services at the local perish. While Tebow may be an exception, most folks go to football games to scream for the team and not so much to worship a creator (not to say folks don't ask for their gods help to win though!) It's okay to scream at football games but not so much in church (unless it's a Baptist church where screaming is required or a Pentacostal church where screaming in tongues is required. [;)] I think adults mostly get it though.. and kids get it eventually and 50 years from now, the kids who are clucked at today are going to be the grey heads clucking at the kids of tomorrow. Gotta love the circle of life!

DaddySatyr -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 11:44:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shiftyw I am younger (25)- and I feel this way. I'm also not a 24/7 submissive. BUT I can say- I think culture itself as a whole has lost a lot of it its formalities. I'm not bratty to my top, or anyone, unless they give me a good reason to be, but I'm also sure that for everyone I meet of an older generation than mine (within BDSM or outside of it) sees some things that I do to be rude or inappropriate (especially when it comes to how I dress and some of the opinions that I express openly), simply because I grew up in a different culture with rules that have shifted. To some degree, this is spot-on. I am almost 49 years old and when I was growing up, a teen-ager did not adress someone my age by first name. In fact, when I was growing up, we didn't address *anyone* by first name unless we were invited to do so. That simple. That has fallen by the wayside. There's an over-all loosening of certain courtesies that used to be common place (and I think still should be). When I meet someone in a professional setting and I'm introduced as: "Michael C _ _ _ _ _ _", it shocks me that someone half my age (and who wants me to be a customer) just takes it upon themselves to call me by first name. When I then ask: "How old are you?" (especially if I'm talking to a lady), I frequently get a very snarky: "*Gentlemen* don't ask a lady their age." I do think there's some merit to "the times have changed" but then I ask you: have they always changed for the good? Peace and comfort, Michael

LadyPact -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 12:08:14 PM)
I sat here and racked My brain trying to remember when the last time was that I was at a munch/event/play party and had to deal with what I would consider a lack of respect by other attendees. I'm going to say that it was over a year ago. However, I do have to say that had more to do with that particular person and if I did the numbers, that would mean it would be less than half of one percent of the people at that specific venue. There's far more crap on the net than I ever experience in real world gatherings involving kinky people. Between here and the last place that I lived, there's a rather strong younger generation presence and I don't seem to run into the problems that other people do. I haven't experienced the divide that some have in their local areas and when I have read about those things from various cities, I really don't think either generation is entirely free of their part in contributing to certain problems.

RedMagic1 -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 12:40:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie I was in this lifestyle almost a decade. In that time I have noticed that "bratting" became a fettish in itself. The dom who is really a servant to his pretty princess is a dynamic that has been present for much longer than ten years. So you'll really have to define what you mean by "bratting." If you mean something like http://collegedbrats.com/ then I think that's largely due to the growth of online video chat. There's a certain kind of female findom that didn't exist in the same way before the internet. But brats in the lifestyle? Um, yes. Or do you think the term smart-ass masochist was coined yesterday?

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