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How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:01:55 PM

dmarc

Posts: 38
Joined: 11/9/2004
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I have wondered how deep many people want BDSM to reach, to take up there whole lives 24/7 or to just live it lightly. Do subs want to free their lives consumed completely by their Dom's?

Where would you like to end up, married to your Master, or separate but you can visit him/her?

Post #: 1

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:09:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dmarc
I have wondered how deep many people want BDSM to reach, to take up there whole lives 24/7 or to just live it lightly. Do subs want to free their lives consumed completely by their Dom's?

No, I love my family, my friends, the world at large as well.

Luckily there's no reason to choose- I can have my life completely 24/7 with my partners AND have everything else.

quote:

Where would you like to end up, married to your Master, or separate but you can visit him/her?

Whichever is most practical at the time, which generall would be living together (no interest in marriage thank you).

Your idea of "depth" is highly subjective. Depth in relationships is a personal measurement of understand and awareness- and cannot be measured by anyone external to the relationship no matter what the circumstances may appear to be.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to dmarc)

Post #: 2

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:11:42 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I love it deep

_____________________________

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:14:52 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

For me that is entirely based in the person i am exploring with. I enjoy my solitude to be honest, i dont want my boys living here, but each one is so different and each has differing goals and expectations of the relationship we co-create based on needs and goals.

I have done the TPE thing thinking it would some how be deeper or more profound, i was surprised that it wasnt...again its all about the people who are choosing it, and about their own comfort and fear.

Meaning: I could live 24-7 and be rather uninvested and uninvolved and i can live LDR and become all consumed be my intensty and passion.

edited to actually answer the question you asked...

How deep would i like it to go?

If my submissives brain was a house, I like to clean it, paint it, buy new furniture, restore the old furniture to pristine condition, do some feng-shui, bring over a lot of my favorite stuff, cook lots of nutritious meals, watch movies on the couch and pretty much hang out there like a comfy vacation home....

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 6/26/2006 6:22:44 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to dmarc)

Post #: 4

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:16:33 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I eventually want to live with my Master,...when I get a Master..lol

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 5

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:17:27 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

For me that is entirely based in the person i am exploring with. I enjoy my solitude to be honest, i dont want my boys living here, but each one is so different each has differing goals and expectations of the relationship....

I have done the TPE thing thinking it would some how be deeper or more profound, i was surprised that it wasnt...again its all about the people who are choosing it, and about their own comfort and fear.

Meaning. I could live 24-7 and be rather uninvested and uninvolved and i can live LDR and become all consumed be my intensty and passion.....

My preference is just that they're nekkid!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 6

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:26:22 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

its definately something I want to be part of my daily life.........for me its not a game to play once in awhile

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 7

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:35:37 PM

BuxomGoddess714

Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

How deep would i like it to go?

If my submissives brain was a house, I like to clean it, paint it, buy new furniture, restore the old furniture to pristine condition, do some feng-shui, bring over a lot of my favorite stuff, cook lots of nutritious meals, watch movies on the couch and pretty much hang out there like a comfy vacation home....

Hey, I liked that... If co-dependency is a bad thing, give me a sick relationship any day.... I admit it, I am dependent and co-dependent on my Partner. I want 25/8/366 (367 on leap years) all up in my grill no secrets no limits constant contact even on the toilet and shower. I've had enough "space" and "Me time" to last Me the rest of my life. I want intimacy. Live together??? Live in My mouth and never leave. This is the priority of my life. Everyone and everything else takes a back seat.

Blessings,
Goddess

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 8

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:36:55 PM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

My goal is to be with Master in a 24/7 M/s relationship. I would not work outside the home but have my day regulated by either His needs / requirements or by improving myself for His pleasure.

Edited to add:

Marriage is not part of it. Service doesnt require a marriage certificate.

< Message edited by JessieMe -- 6/26/2006 6:38:24 PM >

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to dmarc)

Post #: 9

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:43:10 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

How deep? How deep is possible and still continue working, being involved in my family's lives, being with friends, being me? If all of that can continue while being 24/7, then that's what I want. I would love to totally consumed by my Dom/Master, if I had one. I would love to have a D/s relationship that I was totally submitted to that included the vanilla parts of life. I'm not into S&M as much as I want to be controlled. To me there is a difference. One can't spend all of their time being flogged. But they can always be in submission, even when visiting family and friends with no clue.

(in reply to dmarc)

Post #: 10

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:44:36 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

If all goes well, I want 24/7 with my angel, eventually. Granted there are priorities to my allowing him to cme to me, like his grduating college first. But if we could have it our way right away, he'd be here already, taking care of my needs and I would be turning him into my perfect pet. I like that reference to cleaning up and refurnishing. I think I might tell him that one *giggle*

DV

(in reply to JessieMe)

Post #: 11

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:50:15 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm living with my Master whom I love more everyday. Our D/s is something we are learning how to work in a way that makes us feel fulfilled, happy, and challenged. My dream is that someday he will marry me. Because he is older and because we are both divorced from unhappy marriages I think him marrying me might never happen. I will be getting the most beautiful and heartfelt collar next year that will symbolize our forever commitment to each other. That is enough for me.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 6:59:36 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

I don't seperate or prioritize things which are a natural part of me.

(in reply to dmarc)

Post #: 13

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 8:24:16 PM

alovelypet

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline

i love it deep as well. i'm in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. i live with my Master. All my friends know of my lifestyle choice. Most of them are in the lifestyle as well. i do have 2 grown daughters that i left on the East Coast to be with my Master in Oregon. While they know about the lifestyle and my role in it, they have no desire to to be involved in it. However, their understanding of my choice makes things easier. i do not need to hide this part of my life. Besides, my Master has complete control over every aspect of my life...which sometimes makes being among vanilla friends difficult. So while i do have friends that aren't in the lifestyle, they are at least, lifestyle friendly. Now i don't find domestic abuse hotline pamphlets left lying around my house after my vanilla friends go home.

_____________________________

Do you understand the delicious mindfuck of being hurt while He's kissing me tenderly? He has control always, especially when He's making me feel loved while torturing me.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 14

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 8:47:37 PM

reticence

Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline

Hello

I read your OP and I am not of the mind that even if the D/s runs incredibly deep in your relationship, that all your time has to be 'consumed" by your Dom.
I was in what I would call a very deep relationship, the D/s was always there. I was constantly under his authority and knew what was expected of me even when we were not together. I operated under what we called Prime Directives, I had lots of latitude within those directives to be myself, there was specificity when it was important to him to be specific. I was able to use my own intelligence and creativity to meet the directives that he imposed. I was always aware that I was representing him, and conducted myself accordingly.
Sometimes I am surprised that people say the "lifestyle" cannot be lived 24/7 or that slaves cannot make decisions for themselves. That real life things like work intervene. One can be under authority 24/7 without her Master being with her constantly. I had plenty of decision-making to do within my directives. He expected me to make decsions. Sometimes he gave me the WHAT to do, and I could do the How to do it, my way. Of course when he had a preference for how, it always trumped mine (smile)

So I guess I am saying that one can have a very deep 24/7 relationship, without constantly having themselves consumed by the relationship. This is real life for some, not something that real life intrudes upon.

(getting pretty verbose and bold for a newbie, eh?)

(in reply to alovelypet)

Post #: 15

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/26/2006 9:29:26 PM

murmur

Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: reticence

(getting pretty verbose and bold for a newbie, eh?)

hey, be verbose and bold as you like, as long as it help others...
it helped me ;-)

(in reply to reticence)

Post #: 16

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/27/2006 12:40:40 AM

romanticheart

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

I cannot imagine BDSM consuming my life - I have many facets. But, on the other hand, if with the "right person" it is underlying in all things.

Do I wish to speak my mind and be heard and cherished...yup. Do I wish to hear HIM and cherish him...yup.

(in reply to dmarc)

Post #: 17

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/27/2006 5:16:15 AM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

i am in a 24/7 d/s relationship. right now, i'd just like to be living with Him, but that's not feasible at the moment, so we live 10 minutes apart :) i think it would be nice, though, because i'd get to see Him every day, etc. as far as being "consumed completely," i am - as much as i can be without giving up my own autonomy. i am a human being, i have decisions that have to be made and a life that has to be lived, and He's already lived most of His - He would not want me to give up my autonomy. i would like to have a job and/or go to school in addition to being His and hopefully eventually living with Him, but if He wished me to give that up, i would. as far as bdsm always being present, it is - maybe not overtly, but it's something that's always there for me, since i am always His submissive, whether i am actively serving Him when we are together or i'm going to school or working when we're apart.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to romanticheart)

Post #: 18

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/27/2006 6:44:10 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I like it deep sometimes. I live with my dom and my daughter. With school holidays, we currently are trying to move hell and high water to get some TIME together. Our D/s is not bedroom only, its ever present. But i dont walk around the place naked, and he doesnt live in my mouth. (just likes to start and end his day that way). I had never imagined that living under the same roof as your Dom could mean so little time! aggggg
But the outside world has rather more influence in our available time for each other than we'd prefer. So certain changes are now being put into place to free up some time.
Im going to be working regular hours. So that his availability in the evenings, will allways have me there and not on a late shift.
I find in life, that you have to invest to get the depth you require. For me, the lack of shift work, will have a financial penalty to us. But i think the D/s is worth it lol.
We both need it bad enough and deep enough, that we are willing to make that happen.
It kinda goes in life cycles too. You start out reading about it, then you move to writing to others, then clubs, then munches, then meeting people and you keep going along the path until you find your comfort zone i guess. For me, that happened to be 24/7. Bedroom only, started slipping into every day life. A raised eyebrow during vanilla time conversations, a aquiessing from me. Until many renegotiations of our relationship later, here we are. And the need still grows.
If im denied our D/s (for instance, his mother staying this week) i miss it dreadfully. And im out of sorts. Next week, he can live in my mouth! lol

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 19

RE: How deep would you like BDSM to be in your life? - 6/27/2006 7:38:15 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

(quick reply)

Just call me the odd one out and shallow as hell. I don't even particularly like having room mates/house mates that I'm NOT intimately involved with - it would drive me to the brink of insanity (I know, I know, short trip) to have a roomie/house mate that I Was intimate with on any sort of regular level.

What I have currently suits me quite well, as far as intimacy/deepness of relationships. There are a couple of different guys that I'm dating regularly. They each have their own life. I have MY own life. We see each other when the mood/itch strikes us. There are no serious commitments, there are no strings, there are no expectations past enjoying each others' company and the occassional bit of play time. They don't try to control my life, or my actions, even when we're in the same spot and vice versa.

I've gone the 24/7 route in the past, and it didn't work for me for a variety of reasons. I've gone the part time "he's always master even though we don't live together" route in the past as well - still didn't work for me for various reasons. Ultimately, I don't want a "master" - I want an equal partner who shares my kinks, shares some (if not most) of my non BDSM hobbies, and doesn't have control issues. No, I don't particularly want a ds dynamic in my life on any sort of regular basis. Yes, I do want kink in my life on a regular basis.

Would I go back to living with a partner again? Possibly, depending on the partner and on the understandings within our relationship. It's going to take someone who has no issues with letting me do my own thing, doesn't mind leaving me alone and giving me my personal space, and doesn't have insecurity issues that demand monogamy.

(Edited to add - as far as that nasty "M" word that you mentioned in the OP {marriage} - *shudders and refrains from spewing all over her moniter* - the very concept is abhorant to me these days. Been there, done that, never again not even at gunpoint. Why ruin a perfect relationship with the threat of community property? )

< Message edited by hizgeorgiapeach -- 6/27/2006 7:55:11 AM >

_____________________________

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Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 20

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