JustDragonflies
Posts: 50
Joined: 3/30/2012
Status: offline
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Most people have said that it's fine to be monogamous if you are, and don't settle.
And I mostly agree. However, I am of the belief that there's a difference between settling and exploring. I met my current slave when he was only interested in monogamy and I was interested in poly. We were flirtatious friends for a couple of years after that because we perceived these differences in philosophy would mean a relationship is doomed. However, randomly, he began a relationship with someone else and at that time I realized how attached I'd grown as we became close friends and how I wanted more than that. We discussed those feelings openly and how he felt about it. He decided that he would prefer to explore a relationship with me instead of his current relationship. (Which was casual and not exclusive, for those who are wondering.) That was over 6 years ago and we've been together ever since, and have been tremendously happy. He's monogamous to me, by choice, but is totally accepting of me being poly.
I'm not telling you this story because I'm confusing you for him. :) I know you're your own person and you have your own feelings and your capacities. My point is merely to say that sometimes in life we don't know what we might like until we try it out. My slave never fathomed that he'd be okay with this kind of relationship but it has never posed a problem for him in all these years. And we've had several conversations about how much he would have regretting missing out on our love. He wouldn't have known that if he hadn't tried it for himself.
If you're the kind of person that can be okay if such exploration doesn't end in a long term relationship (or whatever it is that you want), then I'd say... give it a shot. But if you know that you are the kind of person who might over-commit emotionally or find it really hard to end things if they're not working, perhaps it's best not to explore. Only you decide what you want to do in your life and only you have to deal with the consequences, be they mistakes, regrets, successes or mixed results. Just know that there have been other people who tried things that freaked them out and it went fine. On a flip side.. there have been people who tried things out which they thought they'd love but learned they really didn't care for once they tried it. There's a quote that comes to mind that I'll post at the end of my reply to you!
Since this Dom is already giving you orders, I have to ask, did you talk about that being okay at all? Did you tell him that you were questioning whether that's a good idea or not? A lot of Doms have different approaches as to how the power exchange begins and without knowing what you two discussed or what you did or didn't communicate to him.... I can't judge him about that and say he's definitely "not doing it in a healthy way". But it seems like it could be an orange flag. Given that, do try to bare this in mind as you explore.... What you do with this man, is not necessarily an indication for what you will enjoy or how comfortable you feel about things with a future partner.
By the way, I don't know if anyone has mentioned this or not but you're lovely and seem at least mildly introspective, so I suspect you'll do fine if you do decide to keep up searching for someone else to explore your submissive side with.
Here's that quote I mentioned: "I have bad news for you: you're not clairvoyant. Not even a little. You have no idea how the future will unfold. But it will unfold, slowly and quickly and slowly again, in ways that you cannot now begin to imagine. So stop trying to guess what's coming next. All the effort you put into figuring out what will happen, all the scenarios you play out in your mind -- they're useless. And that's a good thing. Relax and let the future arrive on it's own time and in its own way. Allow yourself to be astonished."
--- Robin Bernstein, Historian, Harvard University
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RE: New dom requirements - 
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