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RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:01:57 AM   
Goldback


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Joined: 3/4/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky
I suggest the op gets handcuffs.

I might have to do that the first time, but it would be more fun without. We've done plenty of bondage, she wants to be overpowered by hand.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky
But you need a "gun or a knife" to help take the fight out of her.

That would sort of be contrary to the point in this case. The fight is the goal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
If she can't see the knife, but can feel cold steel on her neck, she's got some sensations, even if she knows ahead of time you'll be using a knife without an edge.

I've done the cold-steel-on-neck thing before, typically with a blindfold so she can't see what it is. Fun, but a different story.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:09:53 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Well, alright. If ya wanna do this the hard way ... I'll still be glad to help. But, without any props this gets lots harder.

So... I need some info from you.
Do you have any wrestling or martial arts background?
How rough do you normally play?
Do you guys slap each other? (funny enough. I can whip a chick like no Tomarrow but I can't force myself to slap or hit a Lady. I just can't )

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(in reply to Goldback)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:12:36 AM   
Goldback


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
I understand you have some concerns, the first of which, what if she's stronger than you?

I don't think it's quite that bad - I'm sure I can pin her down, but it's not effortless. She's pretty tight, so to be honest it's tricky enough getting it in there even when she's not fighting back. I would need to get her in a position where she's still enough as well as open enough, and also where hopefully no one is likely to get kicked in the face or anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
as a small person I know how to use my body mass. Do you know how to use yours?

I've actually done judo for a short while, so I know I can take down girls who are considerably larger than me. But for some reason they never taught us that last bit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Paying close attention when you are in the middle of an intense scene comes with practice, so go slow, and don't think you have to achieve this perfect resistance scene in 5 minutes or even 5 tries.

True, I should be taking things slowly the first few times.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:16:52 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Its called a "take down" and can be fun.

The secret to making fantasies work is to have a deep understanding of what is driving the fantasy. Sometimes its mostly one thing, more often its blend of things with one or two being more important than the rest.

MAJOR WARNING: This sort,of play has a HIGH probability of exposing unknown triggers of past trama. A good idea is to know in advance how to best comfort and make her feel safe if shit goes wrong.

Seeing you as strong enough to "take" her?
Having no choice?
Rape?
Stranger?
Overcoming past issues?
Guilt?
Acts she secretly wants to be forced to do?
Who is doing,this to,her?
Why?



(in reply to Goldback)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:19:05 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky

So I suggest the op gets handcuffs. (they go on fast-you can cuff one wrist and then work the other.).


I wouldn't recommend that.

This is a new form of play for the two of you and you have no idea how she's actually going to react when it does happen.

Handcuffs don't have any give, don't have a quick release and if she truly freaks out, she can harm herself.

Seriously, you're the Top in this scene, you need to look beyond your dick and look at the risks of what you're doing and try to minimize the risks. If she gets hurt, you're the one responsible. So, approach the planning in a manner that shows you're taking the planning seriously.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:22:15 AM   
Goldback


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quote:

Do you have any wrestling or martial arts background?

A tiny bit - enough that I'm not afraid to use force, but not enough that I have learned any techniques that would be particularly helpful.

quote:

How rough do you normally play?

We've done plenty of bondage and beatings. She likes being completely immobilised and beaten quite hard. But it's almost always a matter of "stand like this while I tie you up", no fighting back.

quote:

Do you guys slap each other?

Not exactly "each other", but she enjoys some good slapping too, yes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
The secret to making fantasies work is to have a deep understanding of what is driving the fantasy.

Like other types of BDSM, I think for her it's mostly about the feeling of losing control, of having no choice. She likes the idea that I can do it without tools, that she can fight back properly and still lose.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:23:57 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		I just remembered a past thread that has a bit of rape play discussion.
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4235772
May be some useful reading.

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530 DAYS

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:25:02 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Also, can you pull her hair? And will she be resisting you with closed fists and trying to claw out your eyes? Or are we looking more toward a rough wrestling match?

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:25:16 AM   
OsideGirl


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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

MAJOR WARNING: This sort,of play has a HIGH probability of exposing unknown triggers of past trama. A good idea is to know in advance how to best comfort and make her feel safe if shit goes wrong.


Exactly! It doesn't even have to be past trauma. Sometimes, it just triggers something you weren't even aware you were afraid of.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 6/21/2013 8:26:03 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:32:02 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Heh... it looked fun.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Its called a "take down" and can be fun.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:33:22 AM   
Goldback


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Joined: 3/4/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Handcuffs [...] don't have a quick release

The cheap ones do. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Seriously, you're the Top in this scene, you need to look beyond your dick and look at the risks of what you're doing and try to minimize the risks. If she gets hurt, you're the one responsible. So, approach the planning in a manner that shows you're taking the planning seriously.

I realise that. I shall be ever so careful. Thanks for your advice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky
Also, can you pull her hair? And will she be resisting you with closed fists and trying to claw out your eyes? Or are we looking more toward a rough wrestling match?

Hair pulling - sure. Clawing of eyes - well, she wants to be able to fight back as genuinely as possible, but realistically she'll still have to hold back a little. So I think we can rule out the clawing.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:34:02 AM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Goldback

Not exactly "each other", but she enjoys some good slapping too, yes.



And you've researched how to make that safer, too, right?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Goldback)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:41:22 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Judo is great experiance for this I'd imagine. But one nagging worry I have is this seems to be a "test" of hers for you. You have made several comments to give me this impression. My concern is that if it does not work you and her will both feel like your "less of a man" or something. I would argue that's not at all tru. But it prob won't change how you guys would feel. So I'd rather not.

Instead. Let's talk technique. And cloths. You want cloths you can rip away and not regret destroying them. Jeans are tougher than lace for example. My wife likes to wear thin fabric and thin strapped tank tops and a skirt. She hates underwear. So that really helps me in the takedown scenes. if your lady is wearing jeans and a bodysuit your job just got much harder. Will she be dressing to help you or to hinder your mission?

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:50:31 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Aw crap. I forgot to ask if your lady has any martial arts or wrestling training. That could really make this much tougher.

My first suggestion is to get on u tube and watch "chick fights" and then watch some real "catfights". Those lady catfighters have much more wrestling skills than the stars of a u tube vid about a ghetto street fight. And it really shows.

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:51:21 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
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_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 8:56:28 AM   
Goldback


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Joined: 3/4/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
And you've researched how to make that safer, too, right?

Of course.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky
You want cloths you can rip away and not regret destroying them. [...] Will she be dressing to help you or to hinder your mission?

I think, at least for the first times, I should be able to get her in suitably easy clothes. She mentioned something about only underwear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky
I forgot to ask if your lady has any martial arts or wrestling training. That could really make this much tougher.

No (fortunately :P ). She's somewhat heavy and works out constantly, but no actual martial arts experience.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 9:08:48 AM   
Greta75


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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

She's quite strong. It would be kind of embarrassing if I couldn't do it, you know?

Don't worry, I'm very strong too, but in rape plays..., I usually hold back when I'm fighting off the man, if the fight gets really rough, I could hurt the guy too, as I'm very strong, so I hold back. I think she would too.

(in reply to Goldback)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 10:11:25 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

My advice is... If your currently unable to overpower your girlfriend... For christ sakes man! Join a gym or something!

I'm no wrestling expert... But it's not too difficult to pin a girl on the ground, If you get to that point, start ripping clothes off... voilà!

Err... I'm no raping expert either.
I don't want to be known as the rapey guy...


Apparently you only have experience with women who deliberately hold back.

I've done rape/struggle sex with about a dozen different guys and not a single one has been able to achieve penetration in a manner consistent enough to have sex without me holding off on full out fighting back. If I don't hold back, because he's beating me so hard I no longer want to resist, or because I happen to want sex cause that's the goal and so hold off to make that possible, penetration ain't happening... period.

And that's got very little to do with the guy's fitness level, and everything to do with the fact that our bodies are designed in such a way that the female needs to tilt her hips in such a manner that penetration is possible, and then needs to hold in that position to enable thrusting.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 10:20:05 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Goldback

We've done plenty of bondage, she wants to be overpowered by hand.


Hurt her a little.

Twist her arm in such a way that it hurts to fight back, slap her around a bit. Be physically imposing and make her want to stop fighting full out with you because you create a scenario in which her continuing to fight full out means more pain than she's willing or able to take.

Unless you get her into a position where she chills enough to allow you to penetrate her, you're not consistently going to be able to. Especially if she's fit and got some endurance. The best way to motivate her to do that is to simulate what real rapists do to make their victims hold still and that's by making her fear struggle because of the unpleasant consequences (potential pain) continued struggle holds.

Before you consider faceslapping as the prime method of achieving this, read this thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4425535/tm.htm

Edited to add: I've found that grabbing a fist full of her hair at the base of the skull, and forcefully yanking her head backwards so her entire throat and neck is exposed and she's no longer in control of her own head movements is one of the most effective (safer) ways to make a woman hold back on fighting. It will be painful enough to distract her attention away from struggling with her lower body, and provide a measure of control over her range of motion very few other things provide with the use of only one hand. Beware that is she's serious about fighting back that she may bite though, unless you keep your arm out of reach... (I've actually done that hard enough to cause a permanent scar on an ex-lover of mine )

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 6/21/2013 10:25:39 AM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Goldback)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Rape play advice - 6/21/2013 10:41:22 AM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Goldback

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Handcuffs [...] don't have a quick release

The cheap ones do. :)




I broke a couple wrist restraints and slipped out of cuffs before. It is quite funny to hold my hand up and say woops before I start laughing.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to Goldback)
Profile   Post #: 40
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