RE: I am pissing some family members off....

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RE: I am pissing some family members off.... - 6/23/2013 11:03:11 AM

LittleGirlHeart

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I'd tell them how incredibly selfish they are being, bitching because you took two or 3 days to yourself.

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RE: I am pissing some family members off.... - 6/23/2013 1:12:50 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
My sister and I are buying the home together.

David is 28, giz is 26, and David is not the father of the baby.

Financial responsibilities falls as such, I cover the mortgage payment and my sis and I split a couple of the bills. Giz puts 250 in groceries and another 200 hundred toward water, trash pickup and dog supplies. David owes his dad about 3 grand, so David is doing stuff around the house like mowing the yard, basic repairs ( house is a fixer upper, not real bad, mostly cosmetic)

I looked at these figures and My jaw dropped. The next time we're having a discussion on hunting and how much of a difference it makes in a family's food budget, I would love to see this posted again. If you can really feed two adults and a small child on $250.00 a month, either food is exceptionally cheap in Texas or I've become too accustomed to the ridiculous food prices we have in Alaska. You can't even feed one adult on that amount here without meat that is supplemented by hunting.

I'm all for the family meeting thing. No, you wouldn't think you'd have to tell grown adults this kind of stuff, but evidently, you have to. (I happen to agree with you that you shouldn't have to tell a grown man what is dirty in the house and was shocked when those very words came out of My own mouth.) It really is your house where the non family member is concerned, so you do have leverage.

On the cleaning issues, I'm like you in the cooking/kitchen territory. I'd far rather do it Myself than have somebody out there making a mess. I can't stand crap like crumbs left on the counters or food put in the sink. I know where everything goes and if somebody comes along and decides to put it away somewhere else, it drives Me nuts. If that is your domain, and especially since it sounds like you're the one who is able to manage to feed all of you on so little, meaning you are the one who is doing the menu planning to keep dinner costs low, I think it's reasonable for the other adults in the house to respect that.

You wouldn't think that it would be so difficult to get a grown man to understand that it is your house and your rules for how it's kept, but some people can't grasp that. The guy wouldn't be leaving half full drink cups all over if he was a guest in another house that didn't belong to him. Maybe that angle will help you. Would he complain about dog hair if he was visiting somewhere else?

If he's taking a father figure role, you may be able to use that angle for the toys. Damian is only a toddler and needs consistency in his routines. You may not win the battle on this one and have to step up to the plate but at least you get the knowledge that you are doing the right thing for the little guy.

I'm going to wish you luck. Not everybody takes cohabiting with the same outlook.

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RE: I am pissing some family members off.... - 6/23/2013 1:31:33 PM

jlf1961

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LP, I put in another $-250 to 300 on groceries, and have a freezer full of game meat, not to mention another freezer that will get a yearling steer in september.

My sis also puts in about 200 for groceries.

I also have a garden, since I like fresh veggies.

My problem is that no matter what, I cannot seem to get david to clean up after himself, and Gizzy does clean up after herself most of the time.

< Message edited by jlf1961 -- 6/23/2013 1:32:17 PM >

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RE: I am pissing some family members off.... - 6/23/2013 2:19:46 PM

TallullahHk

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My uncle allows his adult daughter and her boyfriend to live with them. They are both mentally disabled to some degree but they both have rent and chores to do and if they aren't done, they know the consequence will be moving out. They have it set up so that the three of them each have 2 nights to cook and my aunt gets 1 night to pick a restaurant. My aunt has no chores; uncle says she's done enough chores in her life :)

Bottom line is they contribute to HIS expectations and they get to live in HIS house.

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RE: I am pissing some family members off.... - 6/23/2013 2:33:41 PM

ShaharThorne

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I live with Mom and I pay her rent from my modest SSI payment. It covers gas and any groceries that my SNAP can't get ($56 a month). I pay for the internet access, my Medicaid D, life insurance and any Ebay bills when I am selling books. I had to do more chores since the 4th of May when Mom broke her leg...I just refuse to mow the grass because of the fire ant mounds. They keep popping up no matter how much poison we put out. Once a month, I go get burgers and french fries from Burger King so we don't have to cook that night.

Once a week, I clean off the bar of sale papers, crochet patterns and pills. bi-weekly I do the desk of receipts and coupons.

Now that Mom is out of the cast, she is trying to cook more...and I am working on several crochet projects for the county fair.

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RE: I am pissing some family members off.... - 6/23/2013 2:37:09 PM

jlf1961

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After a heated discussion I heard through the wall at around 4 this morning, I get the distinct impression that Giz is getting tired of doing everything for him as well.

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RE: I am pissing some family members off.... - 6/23/2013 2:52:52 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

After a heated discussion I heard through the wall at around 4 this morning, I get the distinct impression that Giz is getting tired of doing everything for him as well.

As far as I can see, you're the king of the castle and the others who are contributing financially are next in line. Everyone should be taking care of personal messes, and also contributing to the whole in some way. He's not contributing because there aren't any prices to pay for not doing it. He's not worried about losing anyone's good opinion of him because that doesn't motivate him- he's not accruing any consequences that matter to him. He also shouldn't be skating on group chores by doing things outside to pay off a debt, that's separate.

Some people don't change until they lose something. He's not losing anything he cares about so far, or finding that it impacts his life in any way that matters to him. Either you can continue the passive route and keep talking, you can get more active put his crap somewhere where it will inconvenience him, or tell him to get his lazy ass out of the house. What will make the whole process easier is having the house meeting and outlining things so it's clear to everyone who isn't doing what. That will also make it clear to the others what is expected without having to have anyone in particular be the gatekeeper. Which is why I favor a checkoff chart, it puts a third party in charge of finger pointing so no one has to police.

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