Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 9:18:44 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I am sorry X wife sh ould of lost. There are reasons people become x's.


I had a bf who would not turn loose of his x they were going to marry and she was secretly seeing other men clear up to the day he found out and he found outAFTER buying their rings.

Well when we started dating his x started sniffing about messing about in his life and making him depressed, it was ultimatly the beginning of the end of US
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia

Okay.. I did it to myself... I mean.. I know better, right?  I gave up my home.. and everything... drove away..and got here...now .. I have to find someplace to go again...lol  *laughs through tears*
 
The thing is.. he and I are fine.. I mean.. it's everything I had hoped (not joking)..but his ex-wife doesn't want him with anyone..and came over last night...threw a fit.  Called and said he had to pick...well.. he did.. and I have to leave by the end of the weekend.
 
My heart is broke.. so broke.. I can't even hardly function.. I cried and dreamed about it all night.  It's worse..because I am stuck here.. till the weekend.. I have to pack and all of that crap..and he is going to rent me a car to get back to IN.  Not sure what I will do after that... I won't have a place to live in a month or so...I am pretty much screwed.
 
The thing is .. I am not mad.. I think it hurts too bad to be mad yet... I know that this hurts him also.  Nobody should have to make the choice he is right now....and nobody should have to be on my end of it either. 
 
I knew I couldn't be allowed to be happy... that is what happens when you put yourself out there I guess... I mean.. I always thought a bit of happiness was worth any pain..but now.. that's a load of crap...lol.  I would much rather not know what I am losing...than to know. 
 
Sorry.. didn't mean to ramble on so...I am just pretty upset..and I need to start packing...I just got unpacked..now in defeat.. I pack it all back up.  Yesterday was good.. Sunday was good.. I had two days of happiness.. and I am grateful for them.  Maybe that is more than some get.. I don't know.. but.. sure seems I should be about due..
 
I know there will be those that say I told you so...but trust me.. I have done enough of that in the last 9 hrs... along with falling apart all the way around.
 
I wish I could take this time to start over..but I don't see any way.. i don't know a soul around here...or have any options.  Oh, well... I said I would let everyone know...  I still know it can happen.. and he and I would have worked..but...with the other thing... there is just no way.
 
                                                                ~drea

(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 9:21:00 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The key word is "EX"

She isn't very gone if she can make such a demand.

She has no right to.. He is a fool to obey it.
So he gets to be a bachelor, with a cranky ex wife. No way out.
Now who is the submissive one?  HIM. He is submitting to her.

(in reply to reticence)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 9:39:29 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Ticia,
Sounds like you've provided enough of your own "I told ya so!". But as much as my memory can be relied upon I don't recall you included a, 'not so ex' ex' into the original equation. He has a domme you didn't know about.
quote:

The thing is.. he and I are fine.. I mean.. it's everything I had hoped (not joking)..but his ex-wife doesn't want him with anyone..and came over last night...threw a fit. 

 
Maybe he didn't either, at minimum he didn't disclose the influence an 'ex' has on his decisions. If there is any "I told ya so" worth remembering it's that no amount of cyber, or phone can replace he experience of real time contact. Next time, plan a vacation versus a life with someone you only know from a distance. You didn't fail. You have an expensive but very valuable reference for the future.

Best of luck!

(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 10:01:19 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		I'm so sorry that you found yourself in this situation. Take it from someone who has moved 3 times in the past 3 months- eventually you will find home. The best thing to do (as some have already advised) is to take this as an opportunity to decide where you want to go and live for a while. If you find yourself in NYC, let me know. I work in a real estate office and may be able to hook you up with something. *Hugs* I hope everything works out for you.

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

(in reply to reticence)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 10:12:49 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		There is a guy 1200 miles a way that I would like. My next move would be to visit in person.. to see if face to face goes as well as phone has.  Then after that see what we think.

I know a guy in NE PA, so desparate for love- he moved in a guy from TX. A few months later- this guy up and went to some guy in CT... leaving behind a $900 phone bill. My guess is that the dude in CT was played as well.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 10:20:59 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDiane

**The thing is .. I am not mad.. I think it hurts too bad to be mad yet... I know that this hurts him also.  Nobody should have to make the choice he is right now**
 
He's a real jackass and really doesn't deserve your sympathy. He should have had these issues worked out already and not dragged you into his drama. You don't ask someone to leave their life behind when they themselves have looming issues. you can't convince Me that he wasn't aware.


AMEN!
And amen to whomever it was that said this is an opportunity for you to make a new start with healthy choices that are about you and your happiness...
I think the Universe may have just handed you a HUGE gift in a heartache-shaped package.
Dont waste the gift!

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to MistressDiane)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 11:00:54 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

Yes... he did know..but.. he thought he had done things right..he had asked..double checked..and everyone seemed fine.  It wasn't until she came last night that all hell broke loose.  I know he is hurting also.. I mean.. this is a hard choice for him..and I know me being upset and crying..begging and pleading.. isn't helping.  I am trying to be strong..really I am.. I guess I just think if I beg enough.. plead enough.. he will change his mind.   Makes me feel sort of pathetic...but I did it anyway.
 
He said he will talk to someone today... and see what he thinks...but.. to pretty much plan on going home..so..that is where my mind is trying to go. 



Are you serious, this sounds like one mistake chasing another. You should just get out of there in my opinion. His ex wife and some unnamed person are making decisions for him and your fate. Okay, if you're comfortable with that. I guess.


(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 12:47:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I thought from the other thread that provisions had been made for exactly this possibility- everything not working out?  Because everyone was asking about that exact thing.

Am I misremembering?  Was everyone asking about a "contingency plan" and there just never actually was one?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 5:12:03 PM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		Yes..there was..but..i admit.. i didn't think this would happen..i mean i thought..yes..we might hate each other.. or something like that..but the fact that we are torn apart..not by our own doing.. i wasn't prepared for.  This is something more heartbreaking.. i know he still loves me..and me him..so it's not like a horrid parting..that i could handle. 
 
i think in some ways... i mean.. you always think you are prepared..but...maybe you never really can be.  The wounds are very fresh..and i still need some time to think... to straighten my thoughts out and assess where i am at with everything.   i have finished packing... just left enough out to last till i leave. 
 
i am having my good and bad moments... break downs.. moments of strength.  i am stronger than i think sometimes...and this shows me that.. the fact i am still breathing at this point.  My heart has been broke before..but this seems deeper.. i guess because we are both still in love... and have to walk away.. like one of those stupid romance movies or something..ugh
 
                              Thanks again for everything.. and all the msgs on the other side... Andrea

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 5:31:08 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia

Yes..there was..but..i admit.. i didn't think this would happen..i mean i thought..yes..we might hate each other.. or something like that..but the fact that we are torn apart..not by our own doing.. i wasn't prepared for.  This is something more heartbreaking.. i know he still loves me..and me him..so it's not like a horrid parting..that i could handle. 


Make no mistake - if he's booting you out because his ex-wife objects to you being there  - then it IS of his doing, whether it was him not truly being prepared to take this step in moving on in his life or because he's pussy whipped by his ex.

I am sorry things did not work out.

However, let this stand as a cautionary tale for those that would make decisions based on cyber/phone without spending a significant amount of fact time together.  Happily ever after IS a fairy tale.

Relationships are tough - we owe it to ourselves to do everything necessary to stack the deck in our favor.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 5:38:23 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Hello Ticia,

I know you are hurting right now.. I know just exactly how.

Firstly, you have to stop and think about something before you make some more big mistakes.  If this man, whom  you love so deeply to give up your whole life, your family, your home, your means, etc, to love and serve...if he sees so little value in you that he can just send you packing... things are not okay with you and him.

That is a hard pill to swallow... trust me, I know.

I am so very sorry for the awful place you are in now.. and I know it is going to take a long time for you to be even 'sort of okay'.  I wish I knew someone in your area to at least give you some shelter.

(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/27/2006 7:02:09 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		What is his consequence had he chosen to let you stay?

drop me an email. im in central PA. i could try to help you locate a place.   hmmmm.


here is a place that could help--

The Action Alliance operates the statewide Virginia Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-838-8238 v/tty), a toll-free, confidential, 24-hour service that provides crisis intervention, support, information, and referrals to family violence and sexual assault survivors, their friends and families, professionals, and the general public.

Hotline Services

Each year the Hotline responds to over 40,000 calls. Most of those calls are answered on behalf of local Domestic Violence Programs and Sexual Assault Crisis Centers that forward their local hotlines to the statewide hotline when local staff and volunteers are unavailable.
The Hotline offers the following services:
    Information and support for survivors, friends and family, and the general public.
    Links to local crisis centers, shelters or other human resource agencies through referrals and by directly connecting callers to local agencies via a 3-way calling system.
    Resource packets on a variety of topics for callers seeking written information.
    Technical assistance to professionals working with victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and sexual assault.
    Brochures and other resource materials in bulk for agencies seeking to distribute information about domestic violence and sexual assault.

Accessibility

In an effort to make the Hotline accessible to a wide array of callers, the Hotline employs bi-lingual (English/Spanish) staff and contracts with Language Lines to provide language interpretation services for callers; the Language Line offers interpreters for over 140 different languages.
Hotline advocates are also trained to respond to TTY or Voice Relay calls from callers who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing, and staff includes an advocate from the Deaf/Hard of Hearing community.
For more information on the Family Violence and Sexual Assault Hotline E-mail [email protected]. E-mail is not a secure form of communication. To ensure confidentiality please call the Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.838.8238 (V/TTY).
http://www.vadv.org/secProjects/fvsahotline.html

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 12:50:09 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
i know he still loves me
It is very simple: he does not love you or this would not be happening.
 
Have you seen his divorce papers? Perhaps they are in it together and consider it a huge practical joke.

(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 3:20:11 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
i know he still loves me
It is very simple: he does not love you or this would not be happening.
 
Have you seen his divorce papers? Perhaps they are in it together and consider it a huge practical joke.


I don't know about a practical joke but it did cross my mind that it was a set up.
What a great time, talk for a while on-line getting your wank off and get a young girl to think your madly in love and your so phucking horney you tell her she must come and be with you now, he get's her to quit her job, leave everything behind family and friends, all through manipulation and selfishness, what a Power Trip!.
 
Then gets the girl out there and spends the weekend having is way with her and fulfilling some fantasies and feeling mighty proud of all the control he had. End of mission.... you now must leave.
He knew perfectly well you could not fit into his life as it is and may not of even wanted the responsibility IMO.
I think you got messed with, I don't care what he say's to you, if  he was a Dom of any good standing and really did(does) love you he would have taken the time to make it was more secure situation and do it the manner it which gave you more time to test your compatibilties in R/L.
 
I hope you will take this in as a very valuable learning experience and be more patient and careful next time. I hope too that this will also allow you to be more open to what people who have a bit more experience under their belt try and warn you about.
 
I hope you get home safe soon and are able to get back some "normalcy" in your life quickly.
I am wondering how are people in your family and friends back home reacting?
Those are the people that count the most, not us here at CM. I hope they are not wagging fingers and giving you a hard time. It must be difficult for you to go back so soon.
I wish you the best for your return home and for your ability to give yourself the gift of time next time.
 
*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 7:11:40 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

Make no mistake - if he's booting you out because his ex-wife objects to you being there  - then it IS of his doing, whether it was him not truly being prepared to take this step in moving on in his life or because he's pussy whipped by his ex.


First, Ticia, I am sorry that you're hurting. Give yourself a little time to grieve and then channel this into a new learning experience.

You seem to want to clear him of responsibility for this situation and the reality it is all his fault. The only two people that can make decisions about your relationship are the two people in it. Not her. Just you and him.

He did not do what he needed to do for you to be there. He allowed someone outside of the relationship to force him to make a decision about your relationship. He could of fought for the relationship and chose not to.

So rather than spending your time pining for him, it would be better to take a closer look at him and learn what not to do next time.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 8:17:14 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		This guy is ruled by his Ex Wife. Good thing it happened early so you are in a position to move on quickly without forming an even deeper emotional attachement. Sorry this happened and if he begs you back, please for your own good DON'T. He isn't a Dom if he was he would have sent the Ex packing.
Life is too short to be miserable.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 9:33:10 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

but the fact that we are torn apart..not by our own doing.. i wasn't prepared for.  This is something more heartbreaking.. i know he still loves me..and me him..so it's not like a horrid parting..that i could handle. 

 
Ticia,
I am sorry this happened to you, but he needs to take responsibility for his own decision. Yes, the X gave him a choice, but the fact is, he chose her. You are acting like he didnt have any choices whatsoever. I just went through this with pup and I can tell you right now, this Dom of yours has a choice. He can cry foul and say that he is sorry all he wants to, but if he truly loved you, there would be no decision to make. Maybe his back up plan was to have his X come over and throw a fit to have you removed from the house? Maybe he wasnt man enough or strong enough to kick you out himself. The point is, you keep making excuses for him and the truth is, he AGREED with his X. I'm sorry to put it out there like this, but I just went through this myself and I, too, made excuses as to why pup left, but the bottom line is, he CHOSE to leave.



_____________________________





(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 10:43:55 AM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		fast reply


From an earlier post... some might recall there was something going on.. which i cannot say on here..because then the whole post might be deleted.  Not sure if you get my drift or not...but it has to do with what a man and woman produce together..and makes a wonderful weapon in divorce cases to use against each other. 

That is where the ex comes in...see... she doesn't want to see him happy..therefore..she is using this thing that means so much to him..against him..and i am stuck in the middle.  Yes.. i am hurt that he isn't fighting for me more..but then again.. i don't know what i would do in the same situation. 

right now.. what's hard is just waiting to go home... i am going to live with my exroommate until the apt lease is up..end of July..but i will have to make plans to start over before then.  Not sure at that point where...but i don't want to stay in that area.. or in IN if i can help it.  There are too many bad memories there..and i just need to start over.... if that makes any sense.

The evenings here are the worst.. he on one couch..me on the other.. or sometimes..i just can't take it...and need to sit with him...that is worse... i don't know.. i have tried to figure out any way to get out of here quicker...but.. it looks like Sat morning..and that long drive back... and i am sure this time.. it will feel a hell of a lot longer than 10 hrs to get here.

Thanks again everyone.. i am sorry... i dont' know what i am even doing with myself right now.. i am strong though..things are already packed...i had that done when he got here last night.

i guess... i thought.. this was my chance.. a chance to have the whole thing.  The bdsm...the love..the relationship..the fun..things in common....now.. it's not going to happen.  In so many ways..i am thinking of walking away from everything..the lifestyle..and just being...i guess only time will tell...and i do have faith.. i know that things happen for a reason..this one... i have no clue about..but i am sure there is something coming from it. 

                           Thanks for all of the thoughts..and wishes..and advice...and i do know it was a dumb thing now..but i listened to my heart..and it was wrong...not wrong.. i mean...it still knows this is right.. it's just..things just don't work out for me..this isn't the first time..and it won't be the last. 

    My family is great... my mom can't stand him now...and she did like him..lol

My ex-gf.. is in the same feelings...she is my rock thru this all...and i don't know how i will make it when she moves in Aug... then.. i will be a total basket case..just warning you.

As far as going back "home"..well.. it's very hard.. i mean.. i thought it was my turn to move on from there.... i mean 30 yrs in the same place.. now.. i go back..even worse off now..cause i know that something better does exist.  There is love..and a home..with a person i love in it..but can never have.  That to me.. is pretty much hell on earth...better to have never known.
                                                               Formerly, Tica...now... just plain Andrea

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 5:42:13 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		Losing to the ex, because she holds the unmentionables hostage. ::cursing:: Been there, done that, threw out the t-shirt.

It sucks. Personaly I'd consider taking Scooter and Jewel up on their offer of a couch, they sound like awesome folk, and maybe some time with new people will help?

Hugs.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... - 6/28/2006 5:57:11 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I don't have much to add except that i am sorry you are going through this.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094