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First time jitters - 6/25/2013 9:42:54 AM   
Subgirl1010


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/5/2013
Status: offline 		My first session with my Master is set to happen in a few days and I am so nervous. We have discussed everything that he felt I should know and I've asked him tons of questions but I still have this fear that I'm going to screw up or disappoint him in some way. He is very patient with me and im sure Im just being silly but I need to hear it from someone else. Is this a legitimate worry that I'm having? Is this how other first time subs feel? Please help me to stop freaking out
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 9:57:14 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		You haven't given us much information to go on. How long have you known this man? I mean, in real time? Is this the first time you will be meeting in person? Or have you spent some get to know time before this first big session that has you so worried?

If you know the man well in real time, and trust him, then you have to think of where you're fear is coming from. Why do you think you will disappoint him? Do you think he will ask you to do something you can't do? Do you think he will move too fast? Hit too hard? Push you beyond your soft limits, what?

A good dominant does everything he/she can to inspire trust in their submissive. Has he done that?





_____________________________



(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:07:04 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subgirl1010

My first session with my Master is set to happen in a few days and I am so nervous. We have discussed everything that he felt I should know and I've asked him tons of questions but I still have this fear that I'm going to screw up or disappoint him in some way. He is very patient with me and im sure Im just being silly but I need to hear it from someone else. Is this a legitimate worry that I'm having? Is this how other first time subs feel? Please help me to stop freaking out


Of course its normal. Its scary and exciting and worrisome and frustrating.. and its all wonderful.

Pst... he is probably just as nervous. They are human too.

And quit worrying about making mistakes. Our expectations for ourselves are usually higher than theirs are for us. Relax, deep breaths... and look to him to lead. As long as you try your best, how can you fail?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:07:22 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Have you actually met this man before, face to face?

I also wonder that you're calling someone that you've never had a "session" with "Master".

And lastly, a good Dominant would take a first time play session at the pace of the submissive. So, it's up to him to make sure you're doing okay, not the other way around.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:09:41 AM   
Subgirl1010


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/5/2013
Status: offline 		Have been talking for quite a while. We have met in person and we get along very well. I do trust him. I know that he will not push me further than what I can handle and we have discussed that topic at length. I think it's just that I've never really done this before and also that I very much want to please him. I guess I'm worried that my inexperience is going to be a hindrance, that ill forget some detail of what he expects and will make a mistake

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:16:52 AM   
Subgirl1010


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/5/2013
Status: offline 		I know I'm new to this but something that bothers me is how people ask condescending questions. I call him Master because that's what he is and that's what works for us. Just because someone does not do things the way that you would do them does not mean they are doing it wrong. Stop making people feel bad because they do things differently or just don't know any better.

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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:23:22 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subgirl1010

I know I'm new to this but something that bothers me is how people ask condescending questions. I call him Master because that's what he is and that's what works for us. Just because someone does not do things the way that you would do them does not mean they are doing it wrong. Stop making people feel bad because they do things differently or just don't know any better.


Your spot in Subgirl. Also. It sounds like your just having a case if the jitters. It happens to kinksters just as often as vanillas. Enjoy! (and be safe)

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:32:57 AM   
Subgirl1010


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/5/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you SwitchNSpanky. I appreciate you agreeing with me

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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:39:32 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subgirl1010

Please help me to stop freaking out

Hot bubble bath coupled with some relaxing, soothing music. Luxuriate.

Don't forget to breath! Hope you have an absolute blast!

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:47:22 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If this is your first session ever, I'd be surprised if you weren't getting nervous.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 10:55:41 AM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subgirl1010

I know I'm new to this but something that bothers me is how people ask condescending questions. I call him Master because that's what he is and that's what works for us. Just because someone does not do things the way that you would do them does not mean they are doing it wrong. Stop making people feel bad because they do things differently or just don't know any better.


The more experienced on boards like these don't mean to be condescending but are actually offering advice in good conscience. There have been cases of new people being taken advantage of. Since our "play" can be quite dangerous, they are only expressing concern. Don't allow your jitters and concerns to make you defensive to well-meant advice.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 11:04:56 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subgirl1010

Have been talking for quite a while. We have met in person and we get along very well. I do trust him. I know that he will not push me further than what I can handle and we have discussed that topic at length. I think it's just that I've never really done this before and also that I very much want to please him. I guess I'm worried that my inexperience is going to be a hindrance, that ill forget some detail of what he expects and will make a mistake


Without knowing exactly what you guys have decided, I doubt he's going to expect anything so complicated of you this first time that you have to worry about forgetting little details. The first time will (hopefully!) be about excitement and connection and will likely feel mind-blowing and intense even if it's very simple. A simple spanking carries with it implications about power and ownership, sexual attraction, intimacy etc etc. The reality of having someone you trust and feel chemistry with doing these things to you in the flesh is beyond comparison with talking about it or fantasizing about it. So even if you make mistakes - and I still do after seven years with him - that doesn't spoil the whole encounter. If you were out for an amazing dinner, and you didn't get enough ice cubes in your drink, would you consider the whole evening a failure?

In fact the thing most likely to spoil it is worrying too much about everything being perfect. I know it's easier said than done but try to relax and just be in the moment. This isn't your only chance. The two of you can do this again and again and again, work out all the kinks (no pun intended!) and make it better every time.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 11:40:21 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am NOT saying this about the OP or the guy she is meeting, this is meant as a broad general concept.

First time meeting gitters are common

However, crappy doms use guilt and failure as cheap tricks to manipulate newbies.

Decent doms reassure and make someone feel safe in this sort of situation. (before the idiots chime in, yes, fear can be hot in play but its a shitty way to run a relationship)

Express your fears and see how he steps up to take care of you.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 11:42:53 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am NOT saying this about the OP or the guy she is meeting, this is meant as a broad general concept.

First time meeting gitters are common

However, crappy doms use guilt and failure as cheap tricks to manipulate newbies.

Decent doms reassure and make someone feel safe in this sort of situation. (before the idiots chime in, yes, fear can be hot in play but its a shitty way to run a relationship)

Express your fears and see how he steps up to take care of you.



Good point Michael. It will say quite a bit about his character.

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 11:45:55 AM   
Subgirl1010


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/5/2013
Status: offline 		He has reassured me. I'm just a spaz lol

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 11:53:21 AM   
Subgirl1010


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/5/2013
Status: offline 		Well meant advice is fine but just because someone is new doesn't mean they are an idiot. :-)

(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 12:19:05 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If he's given you all kinds of things he expects out of you, which is how I read your post, then I wouldn't expect this to go well. Because he should be removing all pressure, not adding to it. You have zero experience, you have no idea of what your limits are or how you respond to things. He should be assuring you that this will be slow and easy and that you can stop things at any time without him being disappointed.

The first several times, if not the first several months should be just exploration. Get a few spanks and see how it feels. Try a little dirty talk and see how you respond. And so on. With absolutely no pressure on you except to try things and talk about how they feel.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Subgirl1010)
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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 12:24:43 PM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		To Subgirl
Quite true. We don't know you though. Or the man you are going to meet. And I have met a lot of idiots tell me they are not idiots! lol.

None of which is to say I think you are an idiot. Or not. Again, we know nothing about you except what you posted here.

Here are some guidelines which are common to first time sessions.

Best to meet first time in a public location rather than a private one. I.E. a hotel rather than his house.

Secondly, have a friend who is standing by to get your call. After a set amount of time agreed upon by you, him and your safe friend, you will call them and tell them everything is going fine and you are having the time of your life. If they do NOT hear from you, they will call the authorities and have them go to where you very sensibly told your friend you will be to make sure you are okay.

These rules are not because you are new. These rules are not because we doubt your sensibility in trusting this guy. They are good rules for any first time sessions. They are a safety valve if for any reason at all, the experience goes sour. In other words it is something a smart person does.

< Message edited by Dyfrynt -- 6/25/2013 12:25:25 PM >

_____________________________

Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

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RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 12:34:00 PM   
Subgirl1010


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/5/2013
Status: offline 		I guess I should have made this clear. This is just our first time that we will move into sexual territory. We have met and done other things.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: First time jitters - 6/25/2013 12:48:39 PM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		Okay. Wow. That is vastly different from your first post. This is not your first time together. It is your first time together sexually. If you have trusted him to do other things, which I assume (always a bad idea, I know) means various forms of dungeon play, you two have already experienced situations at least as intimate as making love. And if you two have had previous experiences together and are continuing to do so, you obviously enjoy each other. So I guess I'm confused why making love for the first time would be something you would have jitters about. Nervous anticipation sure. That is a positive emotion. Jitters tends to be defined more as concerns of a negative connotation.

Of is nervous anticipation what you meant by jitters?????

_____________________________

Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

(in reply to Subgirl1010)
Profile   Post #: 20
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