quote:

ORIGINAL: chemeli

i've always assumed i was a submissive because i *was* submissive, but lately i considered it from another way and viewed it more as having a lack of confidence in myself. Having recently some thoughts from people from here about their own fantasies that involved woman having the strong hold in bed over a man, got me interested and now i'm wondering this, where do i find the confidence to ever explore this interest? If i ever do become interested in a submissive guy and he expect things from me that i cannot give him, that will completely annihilate any try that i would be willing to make over him. an introverted, submissive Domme? that cannot be.

If you want to try it out and see if it grows on you, then I suggest going to this old thread and reading it. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4171453/mpage_1/key_Good%252CGirl%25E2%2580%2599s%252CGuide/tm.htm#4171453

Read it with the guy you are interested in. Buy, or have him buy SM 101 by Jay Wiseman to learn some safeties and then talk with each other...about what sounds interesting to you and that you'd might like to try out, even if just once in your lifetime. (I found out that I enjoyed the sound of giving slow spankings, and the rosy color that appeared. Maybe take time to tickle those roses.)

The man you hook up with might end up being submissive only in the bedroom...or might just enjoy using you as a "service Top". This is okay...and can be a lot of fun.

Relax. You will be what you will be.

You don't have to be an extrovert to be Domme. You don't have to be man-hating, or some All Powerful Genie type ballbuster.

Remember that exploring things to see if you like them or not is supposed to be fun. Compatibility issues may or may not come to pass. If it's mainly a lack of confidence you are worried about, and there's a Domme inside there somewhere, finding the right man who wants to submit to you will build your confidence.

If you tell guys that you are new to topping and would like to try it out, within your hard and soft limits (one of mine hit unexpectedly, when I tried on a strapon harness over my black jeans in the bathroom...I almost died laughing and told the guy heck no and took it off). Believe me, lots of guys will volunteer to pay for a motel room so they can tell you how they prefer to be spanked, will bring a basin to wash your feet, will put nail polish on your toe nails, will suggest ideas for tying them up (buy the book and try doing a rope harness). Even putting a blindfold on someone can be a very powerful thing...enjoy puzzling out how each thing makes you feel. Also...it might surprise you how many people seem to be the opposite in D/s as they are in vanilla...a mild mannered "submissive" woman might find balance by Dominating her mate, and many guys having jobs that scream POWER!...will need to submit to their mate once they get home. It's not all cut and dried as it may seem, where "dominant" vanilla personalities are also "dominant" within a D/s relationship.

Btw, men will scene with you even if you keep all of your clothes on. I didn't want some strange guy I didn't love licking my ass, nor did I want to mark my territory by pissing all over him in the shower (this came later when I found someone to love). Feel free to have limits and have those limits respected. Have a safe caller set up who knows where you're at and who you're with.

At some of our play parties, several people would love to show you the ropes and others would volunteer to be a rope bunny or to get spanked.