all about you?

all about you? (Full Version)

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Caretakr -> all about you? (6/27/2006 11:39:06 AM)
Some threads today made me wonder about so much of the discord that goes on here-the lack of objectivity-ego centrism. I understand personal points of view are all we have to offer. But questions asked are often about things that have nothing to do with us, personally. Why do you think that so many of us have to make it all about us? Is that not the way a baby views the world, as entirely revolving around it?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:44:16 AM)
Insecurities. A lot of subs are actually people pleasing control freak perfectionists- and that's a fairly conceited perspective to take in life- thinking that THEY have to get it right, that if THEY don't do it right then the whole world will go awry, that if what THEY do is not given the right approval then London Bridge all falls down. Ds is perfectly suited for this type of personality. And it can be used productively as long as its kept in check and doesn't affect one's overall functioning and happiness in a negative way. But it comes down to insecurities. I don't know why people worry so much about getting partly naked in a club- everyone ELSE is so busy worrying about it that they really don't care much about you.

JessieMe -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:46:53 AM)
I think you are correct that many do make the posts about themselves. As to why? Only they can really tell. But I have to say also that I have seen just as many posts from people who actually READ the question asked and answer it. The difference being.. cool logical answers do not capture the attention as much as the flaming "its all about how I perceived your post to reflect my life" posters. In other words.. you can have a stadium full of people.. half are sitting and applauding politely.. the other half are screaming and stamping their feet and they bang their hands together until they are red.. who do you think is going to get the most reaction? edited to correct spelling.. its feet dammit not feets>> LOL

lisa1978 -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:47:20 AM)
There is a distinct difference about thinking everything is about us than writing on a message board and using a lot of I's, my experience and my opinion type words in a post. I think most people here are not all about me people. Are there some on here, sure but very few. Maybe depending on if a subject is personal in nature, a poster's mood and other factors some post turn into about me type things, but I find that far from common. As to people writing on a thread that they have no personal experience on, what is the big deal. Getting an opinion from an impartial source can be greatly benficial or can be ignored. Participation that is meant to be positive should never be frowned upon.

darkinshadows -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:47:59 AM)
Nods and agrees with Em. (Takes it personally when she always beats me to saying the same thing as me[;)]) I will say, that BDSM is a selfish way of life IMO. Its understanding and giving into what drives us. The selflessness comes after - but to be here in the first place, you need to be selfish. That way the world does revolve around individuals. Peace and Rapture

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:49:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows Nods and agrees with Em. (Takes it personally when she always beats me to saying the same thing as me) Hey I got Jali who somehow took over half my brain and posts before I do these days. We're all playing catch up :)

juliaoceania -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:50:39 AM)
I have been away from posting here for a few days because I have been at my Dom's house and busy here, I decided to log on because my friend called me and told me about all the drama on CM...I have read it, glad I am not a part of it, and it ISNT all about me...laughing. Im here to read and be read, offer what little knowledge I have (and I do not know much), and to gain insight into D/s. This other stuff just isn't all that important to me. It is pretty hard to get upset by it all. My real life is all about me and those I love, not CM, which isnt about me at all...

NeedToUseYou -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:50:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr Some threads today made me wonder about so much of the discord that goes on here-the lack of objectivity-ego centrism. I understand personal points of view are all we have to offer. But questions asked are often about things that have nothing to do with us, personally. Why do you think that so many of us have to make it all about us? Is that not the way a baby views the world, as entirely revolving around it? Waits patiently for someone to turn this into a personal attack then deny taking it as a personal attack.

Caretakr -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:53:39 AM)
laughs............[:D]

LadyMorgynn -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:53:54 AM)
mmmmm (thinking about this).... You know, to a certain extent, it MUST be all about me. If it were not, I would be a total mess, trying to be what everyone else wants me to be, trying to conform to parents, friends, relatives, society in general... I'd probably wind up in a padded cell, in fact! To be who you are, first you have to find yourself, and what you are about, and then go BE that. That doesn't mean of course not to consider others, or not to listen to input, etc., but you have to be true to yourself first, before you can be anything at all to someone else. I don't think this is true for ONLY this lifestyle... but in this lifestyle, the problems of not being true to yourself are more clearly visible, the effects more immediately noted. I don't know how clear that is, I can see it in my head but can't quite get it into words.

litleone8620 -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:55:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedToUseYou quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr Some threads today made me wonder about so much of the discord that goes on here-the lack of objectivity-ego centrism. I understand personal points of view are all we have to offer. But questions asked are often about things that have nothing to do with us, personally. Why do you think that so many of us have to make it all about us? Is that not the way a baby views the world, as entirely revolving around it? Waits patiently for someone to turn this into a personal attack then deny taking it as a personal attack. I'll be the first to admit that i use my own experiences to answer questions (there i go again, using i). So, dark and LA beat me to it. I agree with everything they've said on this post. Oh, and Need's post was hilarious. I'm waiting for that too.

zenofeller -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:57:03 AM)
As usual LA is right. There abounds a certain mindset entirely built on self-centeredness and the drama of "rejection".

Caretakr -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 11:59:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Insecurities. A lot of subs are actually people pleasing control freak perfectionists- and that's a fairly conceited perspective to take in life- thinking that THEY have to get it right, that if THEY don't do it right then the whole world will go awry, that if what THEY do is not given the right approval then London Bridge all falls down. Ds is perfectly suited for this type of personality. And it can be used productively as long as its kept in check and doesn't affect one's overall functioning and happiness in a negative way. But it comes down to insecurities. I don't know why people worry so much about getting partly naked in a club- everyone ELSE is so busy worrying about it that they really don't care much about you. I'm often called abusive for not surendering to this mentality in submissives.. preferring slaves who desire to serve thier own needs-by simply serving mine. But it is very rare to come across someone so adult in themselves, that they realize that they must be honest in moving beyond the need for external validation-and simply accept thier natures as being an end to contentment in themselves. There is only one way a slave can please me-and that does not come from manipulating my approval through "service". It comes from seeing them expressing themselves in an honest manner-and appreciating that I provide a framework within which that can occur. This is the basis for real security-acepting a happy intimacy with oneself.[;)]

slaveofdarkhold -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 12:03:12 PM)
perhaps its because we can only really understand things within our own frame of reference. My personality and life experiences are different from yours, and so we would percieve any situation differently. In places like this, people are often discussing complex emotional issues. Sometimes the only way we can begin to understand what is being discussed is to compare it to our own morals, experiences and surroundings, or to try and imagine ourselves in this situation. So in effect we have to make it 'all about us'. It's not being egocentric, its just learning. At the end of the day, almost everything discussed here has nothing to do with us personally. If someone says 'what do you think I should do about this?' and we all say 'I dunno, nothing to do with me' the board will be very boring and pointless. Of course some people are just self involved. But I don't think for the most part we are all oblivious to everything but ourselves. Many people are here to learn, I think the behaviour you describe is an ordinary part of that

CreativeDominant -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 12:03:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr Some threads today made me wonder about so much of the discord that goes on here-the lack of objectivity-ego centrism. I understand personal points of view are all we have to offer. But questions asked are often about things that have nothing to do with us, personally. Why do you think that so many of us have to make it all about us? Is that not the way a baby views the world, as entirely revolving around it? Good question. I think at least a partial answer to your question is "'tis the nature of the beast within". Self-preservation is a huge instinct within us and anytime someone posts something that touches a part of us that the protector within us feels needs to be protected, then the beast will come out. Ask a question as to why there are so many BBWs in BDSM/D/s and, innocent as it sounds to someone whose button that question doesn't push, you can bet that it is going to push someone else's button. Ask why, in your observation, that female dominants are more concerned with out and out service vs. sexual play from their submissives than male dominants and you are going to get swarmed by those who will swear up and down that it is not true. Ask why there seem to be so many more "players" among the male dominants than there are among the female dominants and you will have protests up the ying-yang that it just ain't so.

mistoferin -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 12:03:54 PM)
What you said made no sense but it sure explained alot.

Caretakr -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 12:05:05 PM)
Yes it is defensive,when we may feel deep down inside, that we have none. Even with ourselves.

CreativeDominant -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 12:08:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr Yes it is defensive,when we may feel deep down inside, that we have none. Even with ourselves. Exactly!!! And yet, the need to protect ourselves is there.

MHOO314 -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 12:10:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr Some threads today made me wonder about so much of the discord that goes on here-the lack of objectivity-ego centrism. I understand personal points of view are all we have to offer. But questions asked are often about things that have nothing to do with us, personally. Why do you think that so many of us have to make it all about us? Is that not the way a baby views the world, as entirely revolving around it? Because we are evolved beings, if we were not, it would be all about the "herd". We are so self focused we can't see that thinking about others really creates a better sense of community.

crouchingtigress -> RE: all about you? (6/27/2006 12:11:53 PM)
at the core of every human being is an ego, and with out self evaluation and positive reinforcement the damn thing can go hay wire. You see we all have a need to be right, about just about everything because if we are wrong, it is truly tererifying....now being wrong on facts figures and philosophy's is not sooooo bad, but to be wrong in in how you live your life well that is a world of pain, no one likes regrets, no one want to admit they dont know something, no one wants to be marginalized and no one wants to feel stupid. but that is when folks take a 'either or approach', when folks can take an 'either and approach' to life, then there is much more fluidity and movement, i personally dont subscribe to a right and wrong, now like everyone i have programs that do and some times run me, but through conscious awareness and continual investment in personal responsibility i can begin to look at those programs and see that place they are not serving. many folks never look at life this way, they dont desire to know what makes them tick and be cause that they live a life of reaction instead of a life of action. we are such an amazing race, we are filled with infinite possibility, but in order to embrace the legacy of greatness we have to see where we are a puppet on a string of past beliefs, past hurts and the inaccurate conclusions we have drawn from those events. there is no one truth, in this world, we are the truth....and the more truthful we are with our selves the more we are willing to allow every one the the right to be wrong.

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