Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

question for beginners


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> question for beginners Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:15:40 PM   
Lisa21068


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I am a beginner at all of this, 2 months to be exact.  I have not done much with my fiance, but would like to know the best way to start out.  What is the best way to not go too fast, and communicate?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:28:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The best way to not go too fast unfortunately is to communicate and force yourself to wait, stop, pause, research and then green light.

How to communicate?  If you have a thought- say it.  If you have a question- ask it.  Remove all blocks and pauses that would prevent anything from coming out of your mouth.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lisa21068)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:39:50 PM   
Lisa21068


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for the reply.  I am not understanding one thing though.  I love being dominated by him but also boss him around, and is it wrong for me to tell him what i want and position his hands in places, etc????   Does submissive mean totally letting them take control, because sometimes i love taking control and making him feel as though he needs me and wants me?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:48:58 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		LA,

I strongly strongly object to just saying anything that comes to mind.  Learning to communicate is a vastly more complicated process than most here realize and thus the frequent posts that have lack of communication skills as their either major underlying issue or one that complicates the issue at hand.  Communicating clearly (and its crucial counterpoint, listening clearly) is very much a learned skill.  Doing WIIWD requires advanced communication skills VERY few possess.

If I wasn't studying 4 hours a day for a summer math class I would have written the post about communication skills that has been rattling around in that empty space I call a brain.

(in reply to Lisa21068)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:50:13 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Lisa,

Buy both The Bottoming Book, and The Topping Book, read them to each other...they will help you two immensely.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:51:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

then green light.
Thank you for the reply.  I am not understanding one thing though.  I love being dominated by him but also boss him around, and is it wrong for me to tell him what i want and position his hands in places, etc????   Does submissive mean totally letting them take control, because sometimes i love taking control and making him feel as though he needs me and wants me?

You could be switches.  Or you could be submissive within a limited range of day to day life.

Do whatever works for you guys- the point is to be happy together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lisa21068)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:52:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom
I strongly strongly object to just saying anything that comes to mind.  Learning to communicate is a vastly more complicated process than most here realize and thus the frequent posts that have lack of communication skills as their either major underlying issue or one that complicates the issue at hand.  Communicating clearly (and its crucial counterpoint, listening clearly) is very much a learned skill.  Doing WIIWD requires advanced communication skills VERY few possess.

I thought about caveating what I said with something like that- but then I thought nahhh- don't block, just go for it, it's ok to make mistakes some times and better to have the full truth out than to worry about the process at this point.

Call it an intuition spark.

Plus, you've now caveated for me, thus dispelling any responsibility upon myself. :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 12:59:48 PM   
Lisa21068


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I am confused now!   It is wrong for me to tell him what i want and boss him around while still being submissive?????

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 1:09:14 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		there is a book called non-violent communication and it teaches a skill called active listening, nothing to do with BDSM but anyone who is even the tiniest bit willing to enhance their skills should read it...this book will change your life.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Lisa21068)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 1:49:27 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lisa21068

I am confused now!   It is wrong for me to tell him what i want and boss him around while still being submissive?????


Does it feel wrong for you to do that?  Or do you enjoy doing it?  Does he enjoy it? or Does he dislike it?

Your question can only be answered within the dynamics of your own relationship..

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Lisa21068)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 1:51:49 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		It is possible that you are more of a bottom (enjoying the sensations) than a submissive. There is no right or wrong, it is a matter of what works for you. And as LA said, you may find as you spend more time exploring that you are a switch, sometimes interacting as the bottom in the dynamic and sometimes interacting as the top in the dynamic. Go slow, explore, have fun.

(in reply to Lisa21068)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 1:52:18 PM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		Is it wrong?  That depends on if your Master believes it to be.  What you are refferring to could be topping from the bottom, or it could be that you don't trust him enough to know what your desires are, or it could be that you are a switch as LA suggested.  As for myself in my relationship with my Master, this is frowned upon.  However, i am a 24/7 slave.  Even if you find that that much day to day activity in BDSM is for you, it doesn't mean that it's wrong if your Master enjoys a somewhat bratty side.  i hope this helps.  i feel to go further would be to impose my views on you; that is something i do not wish to do.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: question for beginners - 6/27/2006 1:56:39 PM   
Lisa21068


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, you last 3 have helped me so much.  yes we both enjoy it!!!!  And he loves the bitchy/bratty me sometimes, and then the dominance kicks in with slapping, etc for me being bad.  So in our situation, it works.  It makes it fun to be a bitch sometimes on purpose just to get him angrier.

thanks for the advice

Lisa

(in reply to petcerina)
Profile   Post #: 13
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> question for beginners Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.047