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Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 10:43:24 AM

SimplyMichael

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I am working on putting on an all day 2 or 3 part program on relationship skills. I have a great class on communication but I am curious what people would suggest be included. I am a strong believer that basic,vanilla relationship skills are the foundation of all m/s and d/s relationships and,wthe lack of,them being,the,primary cause of their failure.

So interested in what, how, why, what shouldnt be there, whatever.

Post #: 1

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 11:04:19 AM

SwitchNSpanky

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Communication, honesty, and trust.

Especially in a kink relationship. Both parties have more "personal topics" to cover than in a stereotypical vanilla relationship. I'd say "how to talk kink openly with your partner?" should be a big part.

It took me practice to tell ladies "part of my sexual needs include making chicks gag, and tieing them up and forcing them to cum more often and more aggressively than they want... Oh, and I dig whipping the ladies too..". These are extra challenges we kinksters have of overcoming inhibitions and also learning good ways to communicate your needs so that your partner is receptive rather than turned off.

< Message edited by SwitchNSpanky -- 7/2/2013 11:06:59 AM >

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 11:08:50 AM

SwitchNSpanky

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Also, something about how to come to terms with, and embrace your kink so that a person can enjoy their kink without shame and all that.

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 11:10:38 AM

SwitchNSpanky

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And third... How to compromise a couples different kinky needs and desires as a team.

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 11:16:29 AM

SeekingTrinity

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Listening with more than just your ears is a great relationship skill. Works equally well whether its vanilla or kink

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Post #: 5

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 11:26:35 AM

MasterCaneman

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Critical or active listening. Stress that, as well as learning body language while speaking. Sometimes a person's demeanor tells more that what they're saying.

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Post #: 6

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 11:50:32 AM

TheLilSquaw

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1. healthy communication
2. conflict resolution
3. time management
4. knowledge of your partner

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 11:55:42 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky

And third... How to compromise a couples different kinky needs and desires as a team.

Compromise in general, not just kink.

Healthy arguments, very important.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/2/2013 11:56:22 AM >

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Post #: 8

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 12:03:07 PM

chemeli

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That's a group that a lot of people would seriously need, and i include my own parents in this....their lack of communication and knowledge about each other (and themselves) is astounding.

Their stubborness about that matter is also childish and irresponsible. So, in the group, i would add a point where each party would be honest about their own flaws first, before acknowledging other's. That,s one of the many first steps towards a true communication between two people, i believe.

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 5:48:17 PM

DesFIP

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Figuring out if you're compatible or not. Because sometimes, no matter how much you talk about it, you just aren't meant to be together.

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Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 6:31:44 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

1. healthy communication
2. conflict resolution
3. time management
4. knowledge of your partner

I would add

Change and growth with your partner
Goal setting and priority management

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/2/2013 8:46:16 PM

Spiritedsub2

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Adapting to changes, internal and external, such that you can continue to move forward together.

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~ Rumi

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Post #: 12

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/3/2013 3:36:51 AM

SimplyMichael

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Some very good stuff people!

Most of the communication stuff I have covered but a lot of good ancillary stuff.

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/3/2013 10:22:39 AM

Dyfrynt

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SM said "I am a strong believer that basic,vanilla relationship skills are the foundation of all m/s and d/s relationships and,wthe lack of,them being,the,primary cause of their failure."

I agree that basic relationship skills are indeed the foundation. I'm unsure I agree that basic vanilla relationship skills, specifically, are relevant or needed. Could you clarify what the difference is to you? What skills that are purely vanilla do you think are important.

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RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/3/2013 10:51:18 AM

OrionTheWolf

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This is a biggie I believe. Especially the evolution of a relationship, which always happens. Those that are not prepared for changes along the way, may indeed have major problems when they happen. Being prepared for them, discussing them, and deciding how to handle them has helped a lot with my girl.

In my own studies I have found this to be a major issue as to why many cannot sustain any type of relationship, other than friends, beyond a few years.

Hope your class/discussion goes well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Adapting to changes, internal and external, such that you can continue to move forward together.

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Post #: 15

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/3/2013 5:08:03 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

1. healthy communication
2. conflict resolution
3. time management
4. knowledge of your partner

I would add

Change and growth with your partner
Goal setting and priority management

Another to add..... Building trust and security within the relationship

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/3/2013 5:16:02 PM

RemoteUser

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Learning to understand without imposing judgment is a big one that's often overlooked. It applies equally to the self and any partner(s).

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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

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Post #: 17

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/4/2013 3:58:48 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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For a 2-3 day seminar, you need a lot of information.

I would start with qualities of a good dominant and of a good submissive.

How to tell if you are compatible.

Warning signs or red flags. Include warning signs that you are thinking with your genitals.

How to handle the initial weeks/months of getting to know someone before you have an established dynamic.

What are the steps to building trust?

What are good communication techniques?

How do I classify my limits, hard, soft, squishy in the middle?

What kind of relationship works for you, monogamous, open, poly?

The sub has more experience than the dom, how do you handle that?

My sub says I don't dom her right, what should I do?

How are BDSM relationships and vanilla relationships different? How are they alike?

Here are 7 rules for really great relationships (paraphrased from Dr. Albert Ellis and Ted Crawford):

Accept your partner as is
Express appreciation
Be honest AND tactful
Agree to disagree
Support your partner's goals
Give your partner the right to be wrong
Be patient with relationship issues

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Post #: 18

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/4/2013 5:24:05 AM

TheLilSquaw

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From: Middle River, MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

1. healthy communication
2. conflict resolution
3. time management
4. knowledge of your partner

I would add

Change and growth with your partner
Goal setting and priority management

Another to add..... Building trust and security within the relationship

Agreed. :)
I admit that was my short list and to many that seems long. Lol

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: Improving Relationship Skills? - 7/4/2013 10:25:49 PM

littlewonder

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Status: offline

only two days? Ha...you're gonna need weeks, months, years! Therapists are still trying to drill it into people for years.

Personally, read my signature. That would be my very first sentence out of my mouth if I was teaching a class to a bunch of bdsm people.

Let them know bdsm relationships are not different in any way whatsoever. If they wouldn't do it in a vanilla relationship, don't do it in a bdsm one!

If you wouldn't go out with that old, creepy man don't go out with him just because he calls himself a Dom. Just because she likes wild sex doesn't mean she's gonna be your slave. You probably have nothing else in common.

Stop and get to know the person for who they are, not their "title'.

If you're into bdsm because you think it will get you free and easy sex you may be hunting in the wrong place. Go to a bar at closing time.

Ignore everything you have ever read on CastleRealm or Fifty Shades of Grey.

Bdsm is not like the movies.

Once with someone, do what makes you both happy, not how you think it should be or what everyone else tells you it should be.

Don't throw your brain in the garbage just because you now call yourself a sub or dom or whatever.

Geeez...I think I could go on forever with all the different misconceptions people have when they get into bdsm.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 20

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