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Non sexual relationships - 7/3/2013 1:54:16 AM

FunBindings

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Can non sexual bdsm relationships exist? I mean no sex, or orgasms. But touching included, these relationships are normal right? By relationship I do mean dom/sub.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/3/2013 3:57:40 AM

DarkSteven

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Of course. My sub and I have a sexual relationship, but play with others nonsexually - spanking, breast/nipple play, and of course just vanilla hanging out. While this likely doesn't meet your idea of a relationship, there are play parties all over the world that have the above as well as blood, needle play, wax, flogging, whipping, etc., and sex is not on the agenda.

Could you define more specifically what kind of relationship you want, aside from it not having sex? A full romantic relationship containing everything but sex? Some kind of chastity or cuckolding relationship? Just semiregular spanking or whipping sessions?

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/3/2013 9:04:00 AM

SwitchNSpanky

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These "non sexual relationships" seen to me to be a compromise rather than an ideal. Used to know a pro Dom who had a guy pay her to let him pic up dog poop in her back yard. He never got any sex. Can't help but wonder if he could have got a better deal from a non pro. I could have gave him a list of redneck chicks who would have been happy to let a naked guy pick up poo from their yards just to get the chore done.

I can imagine the OP could find a lady to arrange meetings as you desire. But. I'd think they would want something in exchange.

Also. And I mean this with total respect. Your desired scene is not a streight fantasy. Some part of you is gay. I suggest you work towards embracing that. I read your fantasy as a subconscious desire to play with dudes and then have a reason to justify it. But I could be waaaay wrong. Reading stuff on the net makes it extra dangerous to jump to conclusions.

My assumption is that having a Mistress command you to do something helps you displace responsibility. Shit. That's cool. But I suspect you may want to concidder you might be bi and act to realize your inner needs. It could be tough. Especially if you live in a small conservative town. But your searching for your "perfect partner in crime". Yet the search is with the wait. I promise.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/3/2013 10:30:40 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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The're normal for some people and not normal for others.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/3/2013 10:31:45 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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They're normal for some and not normal for others.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/4/2013 8:24:21 AM

njlauren

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Yep, there are and they aren't uncommon. Service relationships, for example, can be non sexual, as can other forms of D/s. If there is any kind of BD/SM stuff in such a relationship, I would assume it was either punishment or for the dom/mes pleasure, not for the sub. Now whether the person who gives a fem domme a mani/pedi and cleans their house later on goes home and pleasures themself, could be.....but the thing about BD/SM relationships is that they are all unique and range a gamut of things, and IME if you ask if something exists, it probably does.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/4/2013 10:13:11 AM

SoulAlloy

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only really replying to change the title back as it confused the hell out of me...

But to answer the OP

They happen yes, not for everyone naturally (just as not everyone is kinky), there's service relationships (like the maid cleaning/serving), play relationships (e.g. a Dominant couple may play with other subs to let loose their kinks, but will only have sex with one another), and I suppose you get cuckold relationships too though at least one of the partners in those is getting a sexual release.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/5/2013 1:08:46 PM

sumisodaniel

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Yes, it could be a bdsm relationship without sex. Depends on the service, the relationship between them. 'All consensual' includes sex or not sex :-).

Actually, I had a relationship with a dominant roommate (girl) in which we have no sex, and I was completely happy about that, it was part of the
nature of that relationship. However, with other people it was different ;-).

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RE: Rock On Freedom!!! - 7/7/2013 10:26:34 AM

littleclip

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yes it can happen i have met several that are just that and they have been long term. my first dynamic started as non sexual as my submission is not driven by sex but the gratitude received and casual contact like touching.

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RE: Rock On Freedom!!! - 7/7/2013 12:32:35 PM

StrictlyADomina

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Are people happy without sex? Are there BDSM relationships without sex? Do Dominas like spanking boys dressed as girls? Do subs like ice cream? Sweet Jesus people, yes! Different people have different likes, shocking. Why? Because they are different. Now please move along to a more coherent question other than "Do............like..........?"
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RE: Rock On Freedom!!! - 7/7/2013 6:37:00 PM

SomethingCatchy

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Unless a man is sexually attracted to another man, then he is not gay. Wanting another man to tie him up doesn't mean he's gay, or that he's even interested in sexual contact with a man. Bondage is not sex. Bondage is where someone is made immobile and helpless. Bondage can turn a person on. If that happens, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's sexually attracted to the man, or that the erection he might have is even because of the man who tied the knots.

I also don't think it's a subconscious desire. He clearly stated he's interested in bondage play with other men. That's pretty blatant.

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RE: Rock On Freedom!!! - 7/10/2013 11:22:05 PM

WebWanderer

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Some people think that the "S" in BDSM stands for sex. It doesn't.

I am asexual. That means I was standing in a wrong line when they were giving out sex drive, because I don't seem to have any. For me, BDSM is about black-and-white relationships that provide the level of intimacy and affection that can rarely be achieved elsewhere. I have had quite a few relationships that involved doing things that are probably illegal in certain counties, but the Domme and I never even got to the first base. To clarify, I am not some Victorian prude. If having sex will make my partner happy, then so be it - I just won't be the one to bring it up.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/11/2013 5:29:40 AM

RumpusParable

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Yes, lots of folks have them. A good number of my D/s relationships have been completely non-sexual... some were purely servants, some where platonic friends.

Authority transfer doesn't require sex between the two people... just like a vanilla/neutral-power relationship doesn't require sex. One person deciding things more than the other person doesn't mean they must have sexytimes.

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RE: Rock On Freedom!!! - 7/30/2013 3:24:27 AM

Dreamless

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Yes. Yes, there can be non-sexual relationships, and non-sexual kinky partnerships, and quite frankly, if you have trouble believing that there can be non-sexual relationships, and can't fathom anything in between friend and lover, I feel sorry for you. Not because you haven't experienced it (though everyone deserves to know what this sort of freeing intimacy is like!) but because you can't imagine that anyone else could experience it without sex.

I wouldn't trade her for a hundred sex partners.

Or even one really good one.

Iiii was just about to get to that part.

I am not asexual. But some kinky people are. Why would a disinterest in sex make someone's urge to get tied up any less potent? Self-bondage seems to be a very good example of wanting it just for the predicament's sake.

Anyway, I was under the impression that there's a lot of non-sexual BDSM going on... say, pro-domination, kinky demos, service submission... I always felt that kink and sex were two totally different things until they're brought together.

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RE: Rock On Freedom!!! - 7/30/2013 6:17:31 AM

imtempting

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At the OP. Simply get married and then all your desires will be filled.

< Message edited by imtempting -- 7/30/2013 6:18:06 AM >

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/30/2013 9:49:22 AM

AAkasha

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I can have different levels of intimacy with subs/bottoms, even ones with includes orgasms (mine, lol) which no removal of clothing (yep) that have no exchange of fluid. Since bondage is my HOTTEST kink, and hair pulling, and gags, and breath control, I can totally have an insane non sexual relationship. Most subs want way more than that.

There's also forced fem, girls night out (makeup, shopping together). Hell, I could wear my strap on over skin tight bodysuit for a fairly harmless cocksucking, then fuck a man in the ass but still remain fairly non sexual,right? I can also cum from the right pressure against my crotch if I am turned on enough and using a small vibe pressed against my clit, if I am wearing my strap on. So I can actually "get off". But yeah, that's even close to crossing the line if you are talking about too intimate. I am constantly renegotiating with my primary partner what we consider ok.

If I knew more subs would be ok with it, I would be out on the town every night with more men. Honestly, I would LOVE to just tie up, handcuff, roleplay do lots of hair pulling. Little escape games. Teach "puppy dog eyes," Like tie them up and pleasure myself. Blindfold them so I could masturbate without them seeing. Make them hold their breath. Basically go back to the level of innocence I had at 16 and a virgin. And you know what? I would ROCK my world. I would LOVE it. I love bondage SO much. I could do that for hours.

The biggest thing I miss, and the biggest complication is kissing. I miss kissing, I love kissing. The way I see it is there are two kinds of kissing: Kissing as an act of love and affection (the way I kiss my primary partner) and kissing as an act of lust, sadism, ownership and detachment. There is no intimacy, per se, when I kiss in the act of sadism. And there is NO way my primary partner (who is not oriented to kink, but I converted him for the most part) understands this. To him, kissing is kissing. I have ALMOST gotten him to allow kissing with my outside partners. To be able to kiss my helpless partners will be incredible And I don't even see it as kissing, I see it as me kissing them. It's an act of taking something away from them almost. But if they have it as a limit thats ok too. As of now I do not kiss my bondage partners.

In answer to the question though, yes, absolutely. Bondage, pain, f/fem - LOTS can be done that is non sexual. At the end of the evening, I am incredibly wet. What has always been baffling to me is this. Sexually (non S&M) if I am doing foreplay, I get wet. I get wet, and I ache for sex or orgasm. When I do S&M, I get wet. A get a LOT more wet. But I have no "ache" for orgasm really, I just "ache" for more S&M. In fact when I was very young I would finish my S&M and later see my panties and say - oh my god what happened here!?

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 7/30/2013 10:45:56 AM

kalikshama

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Sure, I've been in service relationships. The only touching was non-sexual.

However, I am glad those days are over and I now have the complete package.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 8/1/2013 5:24:15 PM

LookieNoNookie

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NO.

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 8/1/2013 8:48:56 PM

WebWanderer

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Why?

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RE: Non sexual relationships - 8/2/2013 2:40:11 AM

FrostedFlake

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Sure. Just not with me.

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